I always feel so badly after I've ranted on about Kentucky. Poor Kentucky. It can't help its climate. I'm sure if I was born here, I'd love it here.
I haven't been feeling so hot lately. I have these headaches that come and go all day long and sometimes in the night and I just feel drained. My back has been acting up, especially at night and in the day I can feel the pain in my knee joints. It's probably just that time of the month. (Sorry Irving.)
On top of this, I've had several disturbing dreams which involved my either adopting or giving birth. Generally I do have vivid dreams, usually just before I wake up. I always dream in color and sound. I don't always remember them, but if I try to impress them on my mind as soon as I wake I can recall them later. These dreams did not need any help for me to remember them.
The combination of having these dreams about babies and head aches and being exhausted has made me wonder if we finally conceived this month, a thought that I have learned to hate, because it never turns out to be true. It's just my back hurting, which causes me not to sleep well, which causes the drained feeling and headaches and the dreams are just from my wanting to conceive.
And my dream dictionary (Yes, I have one of those. I don't believe it religiously or anything, but it's interesting sometimes to double check.) says dreams about birth mean the end of one phase of life and the beginning of another, profound change. You know-coming to terms with life.
Maybe it means I'm subconsciously processing how much would profoundly change once we get pregnant or adopt. Since the dreams were disturbing or had unsettling aspects, it's probably an outlet for my anxiety or fears about this. Which is very healthy to process, so I guess I'm right on track.
I always hate this time of the month. Oh to be old, to be post menopausal, without the ebb and flow of the hormonal soup! I'll be wise and clear headed, calm. I'll have long silvery grey hair and a huge, beautiful garden and wear a lot of linen. I'll read a lot.
Ha! There I go, projecting myself into the future, away from right now. And right now I have to eat lunch.
