Thanksgiving went so much better than I thought it could. Our friends arrived very early Thursday morning, towing a massive, blackly gleaming ATV sporting horns (underwater exhaust kit). That Texan means business when it comes to ATV riding, I tell you what!
It was so very good to have a friend with me during the dinner. I never realized before that what with three sisters in law, someone is going to be rattling around somewhat, just purely by the mathematics of it.
And my friend has a personality that is quite similar to mine. I glanced over at her and saw that she was sitting the same way, upright, hands together on her knees; attentive, quiet. We sat perched on bar stools and drank French Lick white wine. She is a peaceful person to be around.
I made a beeline for my newly pregnant sister in law as soon as she arrived, to give her a quick hug and tell her congratulations. I wanted to head off as soon as possible any potential awkwardness. I'm certain that helped a lot.
During the annual family poker game, the oldest niece, just two, came up to me with a crayon and began using my knees as a platform for her coloring book. Then the crayon went missing, so we had to look for it and then she found a bouncy ball. This she held to her mouth with thankful glee.
"Ball!" she declared.
Anyhow, before I knew it we were heading to the stairs to the second floor loft, which is a place of mystery and adventure to a person not quite two. There was the solemn chimes of the grandfather clock and the shadows on the ceiling, the muted tones of adult conversation coming from the room on the other side of the open floor plan.
We played there for about an hour, climbing up the stairs, throwing the bouncy ball down the stairs and then calling for the bouncy ball.
"Here ball! Ba-all! Come here, ball!"
"Right now!" sternly chimed in the little person beside me. "Right now, ball!"
To our great disappointment, the ball never listened, so we would have to go after it, all the way back down the stairs.
When it was time to leave, my niece threw herself into my arms with loving abandon. Children do tend to love me. I think it's because I have never fully left childhood myself, so I understand where they are coming from. Also, I see them as a person first and a child second. I have a deep respect for the integrity of their personhood.
Needless to say, it was bittersweet. I could see how the features of her mother and father blended perfectly into her cute face and wondered if I would never have the chance to see that in my own children. I wondered why God would give me such good instincts with children and yet deny me my own. The answer is fairly obvious, even to me. My good instincts will be put to perfect use when I adopt.
The rest of the visit with our friends went well. It rained all day Thursday, so on Friday when the boys went to tear up the trails, they got mud bogged. They had come prepared; with face masks, thermal underwear and heavy rubber boots. My brother in law pushed his ATV too far out into the river and the look of astonishment on his face as it slowly sunk completely into the water was something to see, so we heard. It actually started floating down river.
We girls, wisely, had opted to stay home, where my friend basked in the peace and quiet. I baked pumpkin cookies, with filled the house with the smell of cinnamon and allspice. It was sunny and warm inside and we each felt comfortable to just read, or watch cooking shows or chat. Next year we'll be in GA; maybe we'll go stay with them.
Keith and I have talked, quite a bit, and have decided to try clomid again, this time for three months. I already put a call into Tricare, to get the referral extended. So there's that. Also, I have done quite a bit of further research into adoption and it has stripped away the last of my preconceptions about that journey.
Firstly, we cannot do the fost/adopt. There is no way of having any guarantee of either our stay in GA, or the amount of time needed for the child to become free to adopt, if he or she ever does. We cannot go that route, not until Keith retires from the military in about ten years.
Next, we cannot pursue domestic infant adoption without at least twenty thousand dollars cash. This means some very serious, adult financial decisions. Adoption agencies say ten to twenty thousand on their web sites, but when you talk in person, no one takes the ten thousand figure seriously, especially Bethany. Their adoption specialist assured me it would be well over twenty thousand, due to legal fees and that I might wait three years to be matched with a birth mother.
It would have to be a personal loan. I have already figured out payments, interest rates, etc. We could swing it, but it would set us back on our financial goals for the future. There is no way of knowing if the adoption tax credit will survive past next year.
However, if we get that all secured, then we would be choosing American Adoptions to work with. They put a cap on the expenses incurred during the adoption, so we can feel secure knowing we will not exceed our loan amount. Also, if the birth mother changes her mind, we will recoup all money except any spent on legal fees. That's also a crucial aspect.
It would be one to nine months to be matched with a birthmother, and then one to nine months to have our baby placed with us, naturally depending upon how far along the birth mother would be in her pregnancy. She could be anywhere in the United States, as American Adoptions is a national agency.
It's so bewildering. I can only process so much information at a time, you know? I am looking at embryo adoption as well. Those adoptions run from five to seven thousand dollars, but there is only a forty eight percent success rate, though that's actually much better than with clomid; or IVF, not that we are planning on doing IVF.
At least now we know more clearly the steps we will have to take. Who knows. Maybe the clomid will work this time. Either way, Keith and I are both grateful that we can even seriously consider these options; it might be tight, but we can certainly swing it if we have to.
This year, I'm incredibly grateful for my loving husband, who is my close friend and companion on this journey. There's no way to explain how powerfully good it is. There are some hurts in life that only a husband's embrace can help and I am so grateful for the many I receive from Keith.
