Then maybe we can live like how I imagine normal people live. I can start filling the house with little things that I find here or there. I want to buy stuff. Colorful stuff, vintage stuff, new stuff. I want bright yellow dishes and old lace curtains and a sheep skin rug for my side of the bed and mismatched bedside tables with sea glass in old white ceramic bowls on them. I want vases with fresh flowers and gadgets that hang in the windows and catch the light and gadgets in the garden that catch the wind and speaking of wind, a wind chime that sings softly all day long on the back porch.
I've caught spring fever, is what it is. I saw an old picture of my garden in Colorado and the delicate beauty of a petunia petal just took my breath away. So fragile and so bright with the strong sun shining straight through it. Here in good ol' Kaintuck we are on day three of a new stretch of dark, cloudy weather. Yes, that's right. We had six days of dark, two days of sun and now day three and counting of more dark. And that's just how Kentucky rolls this time of the year.
I had this sudden, blindingly obvious insight the other day, as I was working through my massive feelings about blogging my dream and memory. I realized that I keep on assuming that people who come to read my blog don't want to read about that stuff. Why would I assume that? That is a strange assumption.
That would be a persistent reader, let me tell you, if that reader still follows me in the hope that one day I won't write highly personal, impassioned, introspective, and philosophical blogs. I have to admire that hypothetical person's faith in the face of continued disappointment. The fact is, if I ever had such a reader, I'm sure I have lost him or her by now.
Instead, wouldn't it be much more logical to assume that the people who continue to read my blog might actually be reading because of what I write, not instead of it? It's amazing the degree to which a poor self image will bend even logic in it's pursuit of believing the worst. That's the thought I came away with. If you happen to struggle with a persistant belief in unworthiness, try questioning the evidence.
I miss this:
