Tuesday, November 29, 2011

November 29th

I am filled with a kind of nervous energy today, as though charged with static electricity. I fear that to brush my hair will ignite a shower of sparks.

I think this is residual energy from working on my story yesterday. That story takes incredible amounts of energy, because I actually have no idea how to ask the question. In fact, frequently I feel certain that I have no idea what I am doing.

In order to write, I have to pull something out of what appears to be nothing at all. There's vast amounts of material- my entire childhood! And yet there is nothing but chaos, a jumble of memories and impressions.

In order to ask the question, I must sort through everything to find what was most important, and then ask why it was important- what it means, or vise versa. I'm not sure which comes first.

So it's like I have to screw my eyes shut and just write- just reach down blind into my subconscious and pull up from the depths some mysterious object, only now recognized, and then place it in the right order and in its proper setting.

Despite all this, I suspect that I have written the first chapter and am ready to rewrite the second.

In order to burn off excess energy, I have deep cleaned the bathroom, and plan to cook a Mexican casserole and to bake cookies and possibly muffins, and to finish the Christmas decorations.

That should do it, don't you think?

In the meantime, I read Psalm 116 again, and how beautiful is this psalm in the New Living Translation?

Here are the first nine verses of it:

I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!
Death wrapped its ropes around me;
the terrors of the grave overtook me.
I saw only trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
“Please, Lord, save me!”
How kind the Lord is! How good he is!
So merciful, this God of ours!
The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling.
And so I walk in the Lord’s presence
as I live here on earth!