As usual, about twelve hours after posting my latest blog post, I got the anxiety and dread that comes later, even though I'd originally written that post three days ago and had been writing and thinking about it on and off all that time.
So, I was offering my anxiety to Christ yet again and He said gently, don't you trust Me?
And I said, I trust You, but the blog was faulty and could have been written much better. It's faulty material.
He said, do you think faulty material will prevent Me from bringing about My purpose in it?
And then I felt peaceful, because I knew faulty material could not stop the purpose of God. What He purposes, happens. And He is used to working with faulty material- in fact, He prefers broken, humble hearts and cracked pots. Thank goodness.
A few days ago, I was reading something and agonizing about it and how I could never do that, but feeling convinced that I should, and He said, clearly and firmly- I did not make you an apostle.
Oh the relief that swept through me! Am I the only person that does this? Surely not. I can't be the only person that just, without thinking about it, takes on everything. Not because we think we are capable, but because, for some reason, we begin to think we should.
Since then, He's been explaining, over and over, in many different ways, that no one person can be everything written about in the Bible- which is yet another of those bizarre and irrational thoughts that used to be wedged unconsciously in the back of my mind, causing disquiet and guilt.
We each have or do one or two things. We have one or maybe two gifts- we have one or maybe two roles. Maybe someone out there is called and equipped to be doing many, many things and God bless that person. I am not them.
Since then, I have been able to become more and more joyfully me, in His presence. I understand that Christ made me to be myself because it pleased Him to do so. And since it pleases Him, it must please me! How joyfully simple it can be, when I look at it that way.