Friday, January 27, 2012

January 27th

For a friend, concerning God-

I couldn't take anyone else with me on my own journey. I had to be alone with God.

My journey did not seriously begin until I found the courage to be openly, outrageously and unapologetically furious at God.

I think our current state in life is always necessary preparation for the next one, so the more deeply we can live in this moment, the more freely and deeply we can live in the next.

Condemning self judgment serves no spiritual purpose- it's not the same thing as clarity or true humility.

I found myself, in my spiritual journey, becoming more and more childlike. This came as a relief to me.

I cried a lot.

I asked God a crap ton of questions- little ones, big ones. I just pester Him a lot.

I learned He is a patient and subtle Teacher with a great sense of humor.

Solitude and contemplation usually led to swift spiritual growth.

I found myself craving the outdoors.

Fear blocked my ability to both hear and understand the voice of God.

Shame blocked my ability to be open to the presence of God.

Being completely vulnerable and real was usually how I found my way out of this.

Out of necessity, I developed a high comfort level with paradox. Like coffee, it's an acquired taste, but after a while I couldn't go through a single day without a healthy serving of it.

Anytime I felt myself capable of greater forgiveness, I leaped at it, and experienced awesome amounts of freedom in doing so.

This was so pleasurable that I sometimes search around in my head for anyone that I possibly forgive for anything.

Anything that came up in the silence that caused me shame or discomfort, I tossed over to God like a bean bag. I just let it go into Him.

I continually confirmed in my spirit and mind that I belonged completely and unequivocally to God - to the light- and that the darkness had no weight and no voice and no traction.

If I heard something and I wasn't sure if it was the voice of God, I handed it back to Him.

I knew that if it was God, He would lovingly repeat it to me again, in another way.

If it didn't come from Him, He would make it go away.

In this way, whatever was true slowly gained weight in my spirit, while that which was not true gradually faded away.

Confusion and distress always resulted in greater understanding, so I try now to simply ride it out.

Sometimes that's easier said than done.

Publicly sharing my journey caused intense short term anxiety, but long term value.

Once I had given it away, I could see it more clearly, and was sometimes able to see beyond it.

I searched out and connected to people who were on the same journey.

I temporarily put aside anything or any voice that increased my shame or fear.

I believe now that Jesus is lovingly guiding us into the truth all our lives.

Since Jesus Himself is the truth, we are actually growing into greater intimacy with Him.

Any time we declare that we have the whole truth, we have shut down the possibility of growing more deeply and intimately into God.

The greatest thing, the everlasting thing, is selfless love.