Friday, January 6, 2012

January 6th

A huge amount of anxiety has been lifted off me, concerning my blog. I seem to have reached a new perspective on it.

In the four years since I've been blogging, I've been slowly and steadily moving away from the standard use and idea of a blog.

In the same way, I myself have been moving away from society's idea of normal and been able, more and more, to just be myself.

Most recently, I have been freed from a whole network of old and crippling ideas and beliefs, and led further into the presence and grace and Person of God. True to form, I took my blog with me.

Soren Kierkegaard said "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom."

How true that is! It is not pleasant, not pleasant at all. Eventually, however, one gets a head for heights.

The last couple of days, I have been really drawn to the gospel of Matthew. I find this a challenging gospel. I do not understand so many things that Jesus is doing and saying.

Like Paul said:

"Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!

“For who has known the mind of the LORD?
Or who has become His counselor?”

“Or who has first given to Him
And it shall be repaid to him?”

For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.
-Romans 11:33-36

That's a good place to start, when it comes to God.

Still, I am enjoying this gospel. Even when I don't understand Him, I find Jesus irresistibly attractive.

I have learned that His context is always love. Even His anger and frustration flows out of His love. His mysterious purposes are founded on love.

And oh!

To see Jesus go away by Himself, and throw Himself face first on the ground, and cry out "O My Father..."

I fell in love with Him just a thousand times more.