I'm able to see something a little more clearly now.
Looking back, I see how Jesus entered my life and my absorption with Him eclipsed my life.
That line from the hymn, "Turn your eyes toward Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace," perfectly describes it.
But life doesn't go away and life isn't a side issue; it is the issue. So eventually, I experienced a kind of intense internal conflict.
When the time was right, Jesus perfectly resolved this conflict by teaching me to find Him in my own life.
So, it was as though Jesus took my life as I knew it away from me by absorbing it into Himself, and all I could see was Him.
And then He gave it back to me, but full of His own life.
Longing for Jesus drives me deeper into the exact time and place and people and tasks of this moment of my life, which means that I live in it fully and fully in Him at the same time. They are mutually fulfilling.
Looking back, I can see that He's been teaching me this all along, all my life.
First, I was taught about Jesus, but I had no idea how to live.
Then I fell from knowledge and learned how to live.
Then, I longed for Jesus Himself.
I found Him, but I forgot how to live.
Now my life is in Him.
I'll probably have to learn this again, and maybe even again. That's okay though, because each time, my understanding deepens.
"Isn't it a consolation to know that life is not a straight line? Many of us wish and have been told that is should be, but I haven't met a life yet that's a straight line toward God. And I have even met Mother Teresa! It's always getting the point and missing the point. It's God entering our lives and then fighting it, avoiding it, running from it. There is the moment of divine communion or intimacy, and then the pullback that says, "That's too good to be true. I must be making that up." Fortunately, God works with all of it, and that's called mercy or steadfast love."
-Richard Rohr, Hidden Things