Thursday, January 17, 2013

January 17th

Thoughts lately:

I have emerged from two days of agonizing writer's block. Not only could I not write the adoption letter, but I couldn't write anything else, either.

Now I have the letter half way done, the articles finished, the photographs somewhat sorted and my ridiculous story is also moving forward.

I have purchased two pounds of salmon to feed my husband's increasing appetite for it. The woman from the sea food department recognizes me by now.

"And how is everybody?" she asked me cheerfully, today.

She probably imagines that there is an entire household of hungry mouths all clamouring for salmon, but there is, in fact, only one hungry Staff Sergeant.

I almost introduced myself, but I couldn't quite read her name tag and if I were to try and look any closer, it would probably have been awkward.

Come to think of it, I might need new glasses. Considering that I haven't had an eye exam in six years, it's a definite possibility.

The mint continues clinging to life. I go outside from time to time to encourage it. I think it is sprouting new leaves, but that might be just wishful thinking.

I also rescued a drowning earthworm that had washed up at the back door. How the rain washed him or her up onto the concrete patio, I will never know, but he or she was returned to the grass.

These are the great dramas of my life.

There are also some questions I've been mulling over, the most interesting being whether or not to self-publish.

If I self published, I would have to promote my book. I cannot imagine doing this, to be honest.

And this is also not my fault! It turns out that this is a hang up of an INFP:

"INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives."

While I am deeply offended at the implication that I may have a "control" problem working in a group, I have a feeling that any of my previous coworkers from any of my previous places of employment might have something colorful to say on that topic.

Anyway, that's not important. What's important is that I have a great deal of trouble balancing my high ideals for my writing with the requirements of reality, and I certainly am, as they point out, confused and paralyzed concerning the future of my writing.

I am thinking about how to resolve this conflict.

Part of me is tempted just to pull the trigger on self publishing Ceallach; just to drop it like it's hot, as it were, just put it out there.

The problem is, there is a vast sea of tens of thousands of indie authors who are also self publishing and my novel will probably drop like a needle into the towering, groaning haystack that is Amazon and Kindle, never to be found again.

In order to prevent this from happening as completely as it would otherwise, I must create an Author's Blog and Facebook Page, and then keep them both happy, hip, and up to date.

Just the thought fills me with dread.

And do you know how mean other authors can be to one another? They are cut throat! What's so bad about dialogue tags anyway? I love dialogue tags; who doesn't?

On the other hand, what if my novel sells? How exciting would that be!

I have an extremely brave friend and fellow writer who simply wrote a novel and then published it. Now she is getting ready to publish her second novel. Like, because, that's what one does, after one has finished writing something. One publishes it.

This was news to me. I thought one held on to it indefinitely, because it's never quite up to snuff and trying to write blurbs and sell oneself to literary agents is a form of hell I don't want to revisit.

But what if Ceallach sells, and I gathered a decent following- I'm not sure what constitutes a "decent" following, but anyway- what if I got some kind of following on my blog?

That would make selling myself to literary agents much easier, not a hell at all.

I could try to snag one by saying, hey look! I have this blog with this many blog readers and I've sold this many copies of Ceallach and I happen to have yet another novel all ready to go -surprise!- but this one I want to publish traditionally. Can you work with me?

And what if they said yes, they could?

That would be great, right?

I think so too.

So I'm thinking about self publishing, but we'll see.

As I told my father, I'm stalking the idea. I'm creeping up to it, all suspiciously, not entirely sure if I'm hungry enough for the chase.