Wednesday, May 1, 2013

May 1st

I always want everything-

to be everything
to do everything

to please everyone

it’s like a bottomless pit that appears
after pulling the curtain back
and you can’t take a step for the darkness
that comes after the light

you- you yourself- were held
right where you were

and even when you couldn’t
you were held

but to step out of that place,
you appear on the edge
of the dark of
doing everything perfectly
that stretches down below you
into everything you want to be and do
for everyone else’s approval

in that moment, wait.

wait and let your eyes adjust after
the light- the light of being loved
that filled you right where you were,
in the moment where you couldn’t

and you will see it’s not a pit
but now it’s an avenue
safely to pass on, 
open to the airy sky on the one side
and smaller rooms to the other

those doors are choices
and you are free to open them,
to see what lies within.

in one was treasured love
in the other, intercessory prayer

in either room, other people
are quietly at work,
but they didn’t mind me
coming in and looking-

they knew that I was searching
they knew the One I was with

i can’t ever be the voice that
says it all perfectly.

i can only be one part of a
larger tapestry.

and when I become present
to my fear,
i can walk right up the stair
and into the edge of the timeless light
and, imperfect,
be held securely.