Monday, March 17, 2014

March 17th

I read someone else's writing and as usual, the same old belief that always comes up:

That her story is beautiful, relatable, powerful.

But my story is bizarre, overwhelming, ineffective and of no use to others. I should stop writing all together. Cease to use my voice. I should stop bothering people with things that are impossible and of no use to them.

I want to bow out.

This time, Jesus speaks right into this old belief pattern:

Acknowledge her gift and embrace your own.

His voice is quiet, certain.

These words stop me in my tracks, just as I am stepping away from the desk toward the kitchen. These words, they open a way out from the dead end of my thinking.

Yes, she has a gift and it is beautiful, powerful and relatable. I related to it.

I have my own: my own voice, my own way of being that is inherent to me, that was given to me.

Do I throw this gift back at Him, wanting instead someone else's?

I do not. I stand by the desk and open my arms and I bow down.

And joy! Joy sweeps up through me from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head and I am caught up in it, breathless. I tip my face up and pour this joy out to Him, return it to Him, with love.

I am not of myself, for myself or through myself.. I receive myself from God and I return myself to God. I am a gift.

So are you.