Last night I
took the book down to find you. Lately my
writing has been all parboiled and I wonder how
I’m doing you any favors.
I know you
told me to believe you
in the every day but I miss
you in the meantime. I speak this to the sink, the window, the landscape. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. Don't leave me here without the sight of you, which is the breath of air to me. I can't help the way you made me; I can't do this life without you.
I remember again how the longing for you is a pleasure in itself, a doorway to a whole palace of rooms remembered.
In the book I
saw you driven, going over
the same old ground and loving that rich
young ruler who went away sad. Looking
at your friends, you said how
hard it was.
*
I saw you
last night. It took me by
surprise, the throne
you were sitting in, the angular
planes of it. I was sitting in
your lap and you wore
a crown. Amazed, I
felt with my fingertips just to be sure, never having
seen it before.
I saw your
eyes like lit amber looking
into mine, the light that
holds me still; I can see
that I am known and welcomed for
who I am, no more and no
less loved. I saw your
face, that almost scandalous human
particularity- that you are even now the
same person I’ve known
before.
That I know you at all, that
you love me, that I see you before me, it all enfolds me- I must lean forward, holding
my breath and trace with my
fingers those scars across your forehead
and the creases that I love
so at the corners of your eyes which look into mine easily, completely, holding
nothing back.
I remember again the secret. You are meek and lowly in heart. God is a Lamb. This is a mystery at the heart of the cosmos, holding all together, the disclosed and crucified heart of God, that one low and pleasing note that promises harmony after the break.
I hold your face in my hands- your own human face! Realizing this is a series of moments opening each into the other and with each, I am losing myself more and more. I am nothing but worship and love poured out. It's effortless, it's all I can do. There is nothing but you. You are all that I want and all that I am to receive and I am nothing but yours.
Knowledge of the Holy One is like receiving one long breath of air that expands all the boundaries of faith into sight-
and sight into love -
and love into a loss of oneself
that is the finding of You.
Eternity might unfold in this way.
