Sunday, July 13, 2014

July 13th

Last night I took the book down to find you. Lately my writing has been all parboiled and I wonder how I’m doing you any favors.

I know you told me to believe you in the every day but I miss you in the meantime. I speak this to the sink, the window, the landscape. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. Don't leave me here without the sight of you, which is the breath of air to me. I can't help the way you made me; I can't do this life without you.

I remember again how the longing for you is a pleasure in itself, a doorway to a whole palace of rooms remembered.

In the book I saw you driven, going over the same old ground and loving that rich young ruler who went away sad. Looking at your friends, you said how hard it was.


I saw you last night. It took me by surprise, the throne you were sitting in, the angular planes of it. I was sitting in your lap and you wore a crown. Amazed, I felt with my fingertips just to be sure, never having seen it before.

I saw your eyes like lit amber looking into mine, the light that holds me still; I can see that I am known and welcomed for who I am, no more and no less loved. I saw your face, that almost scandalous human particularity- that you are even now the same person I’ve known before.

That I know you at all, that you love me, that I see you before me, it all enfolds me- I must lean forward, holding my breath and trace with my fingers those scars across your forehead and the creases that I love so at the corners of your eyes which look into mine easily, completely, holding nothing back.

I remember again the secret. You are meek and lowly in heart. God is a Lamb. This is a mystery at the heart of the cosmos, holding all together, the disclosed and crucified heart of God, that one low and pleasing note that promises harmony after the break.

I hold your face in my hands- your own human face! Realizing this is a series of moments opening each into the other and with each, I am losing myself more and more. I am nothing but worship and love poured out. It's effortless, it's all I can do. There is nothing but you. You are all that I want and all that I am to receive and I am nothing but yours.

Knowledge of the Holy One is like receiving one long breath of air that expands all the boundaries of faith into sight-
and sight into love -
and love into a loss of oneself
that is the finding of You.

Eternity might unfold in this way.