September 17
As usual, I was feeling as if I was not enough- doing enough, knowing enough for God- that I myself was simply not enough. But Jesus keeps insisting that He did not call me to do any other thing than what I am doing, and it is not necessary for me to be great, only for me to be faithful to do those things He's called me to, and to trust Him.
And when I turned the page on the calendar it said: “Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness; they will sing with joy of your righteousness.” Psalm 145:7
Everyone will share the story! Even me, in my small way. We are each given a share and it all comes together in Jesus.
September 18
I stood in the kitchen, thinking about how one looks for signs of His love everywhere throughout the day, and so I looked around eagerly, hopefully, like on the verge of a game with one’s Friend.
“Where is the sign?” I asked Him, half under my breath.
And I felt His hands come to rest quietly on my shoulders and I knew Jesus was standing right behind me- the usual sign of His love, those tokens of His presence that I feel in my spirit, as if He were right beside me, or leaning over my chair, or walking with me.
I stood still, lifting my arms in the spirit, standing in the middle of my kitchen, in the middle of the world, in bare wonder at it all over again- that I should know Him in that way.
“Why are You like this with me?” I asked God.
Because I love you.
But when it first began happening, I thought maybe I was going to die soon and He was coming close to me to prepare me for it. That was three years ago. I remember calling my mother and talking with her anxiously about it- "Do you think something terrible is about to happen?" I asked her. "Can't God choose to demonstrate His loving presence just because?" she wondered.
Eventually, when I asked Jesus at that time why, His answer was, because you're Mine and I want you with Me, close to Me.
There was a bug on the windowsill that the baby was reaching for.
“Dear Sweet Lord, please give me strength to pick up that dead bug,” I pleaded, “before my baby eats it.”
And I managed to. “Thank You for helping me with even that small thing."
Nothing is small to Me, Jesus reminded me, and made me remember that even the hair on my head is counted.
September 24
Do I require a perfect record for people before they can come to Me? Jesus asked, tenderly.
“No, thank God, You do not,” I replied, fervently.
Anyone can come to Me and receive My love, just as they are, Jesus reminded me.
I was thinking about what to wear to the doctor’s appointment and thinking about fall and thinking that I needed new jeans.
Then I thought about how Jesus said, do not be anxious about what you wear and eat and drink… (Matthew 6:25-34)
And tried to put the whole thing out of my mind and not think about it, but quick as whip, Jesus said to me this line, But make your requests to the Father, for He knows what you need.
Which was the part I was forgetting, because I never make requests like that, because I feel like an automatic faith failure before I even begin.
As usual, I was feeling as if I was not enough- doing enough, knowing enough for God- that I myself was simply not enough. But Jesus keeps insisting that He did not call me to do any other thing than what I am doing, and it is not necessary for me to be great, only for me to be faithful to do those things He's called me to, and to trust Him.
And when I turned the page on the calendar it said: “Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness; they will sing with joy of your righteousness.” Psalm 145:7
Everyone will share the story! Even me, in my small way. We are each given a share and it all comes together in Jesus.
September 18
I stood in the kitchen, thinking about how one looks for signs of His love everywhere throughout the day, and so I looked around eagerly, hopefully, like on the verge of a game with one’s Friend.
“Where is the sign?” I asked Him, half under my breath.
And I felt His hands come to rest quietly on my shoulders and I knew Jesus was standing right behind me- the usual sign of His love, those tokens of His presence that I feel in my spirit, as if He were right beside me, or leaning over my chair, or walking with me.
I stood still, lifting my arms in the spirit, standing in the middle of my kitchen, in the middle of the world, in bare wonder at it all over again- that I should know Him in that way.
“Why are You like this with me?” I asked God.
Because I love you.
But when it first began happening, I thought maybe I was going to die soon and He was coming close to me to prepare me for it. That was three years ago. I remember calling my mother and talking with her anxiously about it- "Do you think something terrible is about to happen?" I asked her. "Can't God choose to demonstrate His loving presence just because?" she wondered.
Eventually, when I asked Jesus at that time why, His answer was, because you're Mine and I want you with Me, close to Me.
There was a bug on the windowsill that the baby was reaching for.
“Dear Sweet Lord, please give me strength to pick up that dead bug,” I pleaded, “before my baby eats it.”
And I managed to. “Thank You for helping me with even that small thing."
Nothing is small to Me, Jesus reminded me, and made me remember that even the hair on my head is counted.
September 24
Do I require a perfect record for people before they can come to Me? Jesus asked, tenderly.
“No, thank God, You do not,” I replied, fervently.
Anyone can come to Me and receive My love, just as they are, Jesus reminded me.
I was thinking about what to wear to the doctor’s appointment and thinking about fall and thinking that I needed new jeans.
Then I thought about how Jesus said, do not be anxious about what you wear and eat and drink… (Matthew 6:25-34)
And tried to put the whole thing out of my mind and not think about it, but quick as whip, Jesus said to me this line, But make your requests to the Father, for He knows what you need.
Which was the part I was forgetting, because I never make requests like that, because I feel like an automatic faith failure before I even begin.
Just try, Jesus encouraged, gently. Just make a simple faith request as a little step. Just take a little step out and wait and see without preset expectations of how you will act or feel or what the result will look like.
But I wasn’t sure how to do it at all, and finally, this bumbling prayer came out, “I need some jeans, thank You.”
Immediately, I hated my prayer. “That was the stupidest prayer ever. I need a prayer do-over,” I said to Jesus in disgust at myself.
I saw Him standing beside me, His arm around my shoulder, looking down at me with such love. Just let it stand as it is and let it go, Jesus said again.
“You love me even when I fail,” I said, in relief, leaning against Him and letting go of my guilt.
I love you all the time, Jesus replied, smiling.
September 26
“Maybe I should pursue that discipline…” (of praying on my knees at set times during the day)
Did I ask you to?
“Well, no…”
Haven’t I been very clear with you about what I wish you to do?
“Well, yes…”
If I wanted you to pursue that discipline, I would let you know clearly.
September 30
I saw a peacock spread his tail on the program about India and saw as if for the first time the exotic beauty of the colors- vibrant, metallic blues and greens, such a heady excess.
But I wasn’t sure how to do it at all, and finally, this bumbling prayer came out, “I need some jeans, thank You.”
Immediately, I hated my prayer. “That was the stupidest prayer ever. I need a prayer do-over,” I said to Jesus in disgust at myself.
I saw Him standing beside me, His arm around my shoulder, looking down at me with such love. Just let it stand as it is and let it go, Jesus said again.
“You love me even when I fail,” I said, in relief, leaning against Him and letting go of my guilt.
I love you all the time, Jesus replied, smiling.
September 26
“Maybe I should pursue that discipline…” (of praying on my knees at set times during the day)
Did I ask you to?
“Well, no…”
Haven’t I been very clear with you about what I wish you to do?
“Well, yes…”
If I wanted you to pursue that discipline, I would let you know clearly.
September 30
I saw a peacock spread his tail on the program about India and saw as if for the first time the exotic beauty of the colors- vibrant, metallic blues and greens, such a heady excess.
You see, I do love glorious things, Jesus pointed out, smiling, because I had been wondering about that, I so often see Jesus and know Him in the light of His meek and lowly heart.
But remember and consider, Jesus continued, pressing this point into my heart, a female peacock doesn't have this tail, but without her, the species would be extinct.
*
I've been returning to this again and again and thinking about it. It's as if He is pointing out that beneath the visual, glorious beauty, there is the hidden beauty- the one that gives life in the quiet and unseen places. Visual beauty is good, inspiring, but it's built on the beauty of giving one's life for another in the hidden places.
But remember and consider, Jesus continued, pressing this point into my heart, a female peacock doesn't have this tail, but without her, the species would be extinct.
*
I've been returning to this again and again and thinking about it. It's as if He is pointing out that beneath the visual, glorious beauty, there is the hidden beauty- the one that gives life in the quiet and unseen places. Visual beauty is good, inspiring, but it's built on the beauty of giving one's life for another in the hidden places.
*
Keep your gentle nature so that all people will know what it looks like to walk in His footsteps. The Lord is ever present with us. Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come.
And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.
Phillipians 4:5-7, Voice
