January 24, 2015
I had a growing knowledge that Jesus wanted me to go to Abba, so I went to Abba and was standing before Him, and I saw what appeared to be a dry flower. But inner sight was not coming into focus at all and the temple seemed to waver and buckle before me.
For a moment, I was discouraged and wished that I could have a different gift than what I have, but I remembered that I have asked Jesus about this many times and each time He's told me that this is His will for me- that I come to Him by faith.
So I simply took hold of Abba’s hand in quiet confidence and I said to Him, “It is by faith that I come to You and it is by faith that I see. You have not given me the gift of absolute spiritual sight, so this is expected. I know that You are with me and that You are in control and that is true no matter what I see. If I see or if I don’t see, that doesn’t change what is true. Regardless, I rest myself in Your eternal truth and Your upholding hand.”
What I was seeing became stable then, and I saw the window and I saw Abba pointing to it and I saw through the window the fields which were brittle and dry.
“Have the fields dried up?” I asked, in dismay, and Abba poured into my heart the knowledge that it was fear that was drying the fields- how fear dries up the heart and makes it brittle and I remembered how lately it had been on my heart to pray about fear- for Him to remove it and to release us and free us from fear.
Abba said, Pray for the rain.
So I began to pray for Abba to release the outpouring of His love and grace upon the dry fields, melting away the fear and reviving the fields and the flowers, making them productive and full of life and scent.
January 25, 2015
I had to kneel down by the side of the bed and offer my entire self up to Jesus for His inspection and to His authority.
And I felt His presence there so strongly that it was as if He was sitting there and I was kneeling at His feet with my head against His knee, His hand comfortingly on my head and He said, I’m with you. I prepared you for this, you are following Me, I am guiding you along.
And I remembered that passage that Jesus gave me years ago, when He was first teaching me, and I felt as though I had suddenly a very thin spiritual skin and was picking up on all kinds of things that were dark and threatening. It’s the passage about being held in the strong right hand of God, no matter what, and I felt better, remembering it.
As I was writing this in my journal, I looked it up in the Amplified verse and saw it with such greater depth of meaning, and how it fit right into what Jesus has been saying to me lately, so I sat there, amazed-
“But you, Israel, My servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham My friend,
You whom I [the Lord] have taken from the ends of the earth and have called from the corners of it, and said to you, You are My servant—I have chosen you and not cast you off [even though you are exiled].
Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.
Behold, all they who are enraged and inflamed against you shall be put to shame and confounded; they who strive against you shall be as nothing and shall perish.
You shall seek those who contend with you but shall not find them; they who war against you shall be as nothing, as nothing at all.
For I the Lord your God hold your right hand; I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you!
Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I will help you, says the Lord; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.
Behold, I will make you to be a new, sharp, threshing instrument which has teeth; you shall thresh the mountains and beat them small, and shall make the hills like chaff.
You shall winnow them, and the wind shall carry them away, and the tempest or whirlwind shall scatter them. And you shall rejoice in the Lord, you shall glory in the Holy One of Israel.
The poor and needy are seeking water when there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. I the Lord will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.
I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.
I will plant in the wilderness the cedar, the acacia, the myrtle, and the wild olive; I will set the cypress in the desert, the plane [tree] and the pine [tree] together,
That men may see and know and consider and understand together that the hand of the Lord has done this, that the Holy One of Israel has created it.”
Isaiah 41:8-20, Amplified
And Jesus reminded me that He was making my feet sure along the mountain heights and He said that I was speaking and working in love- His love, and that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against systems of thought and spiritual strongholds that hold people in fear and bondage.
I said to Jesus, “But You’ve called me to You in this way that is ineffable and inexplicable and that makes me a person continually outside the gate, and it forces me continually to operate under nothing but humility and faith.”
Those are good things to operate out of, Jesus replied, smiling.
Then I thought about how this must be happening in the body of Christ all the time- how one person’s approach to Jesus looks wrong to another, and how judgment or misunderstanding ripple outward from that- not because people want to be judgmental, but because everybody loves Jesus and wants with all their hearts to be in right standing with Him, but each person has a slightly different idea of what that right standing looks like- because everyone had different convictions and is in a different place in their walk with and understanding of Him.
And so I threw myself, in my spirit, onto my face before Abba and prayed for mercy and compassion to cover the whole church and body of Christ and to look with love through the outward actions to the motives of the heart and to pour out His love and His mercy and for His love to cover a multitude of such judgments and misjudgment that happen under right intentions, asking Abba to please forgive me my own blind judgments also as I forgive any held toward myself and that this forgiveness and release might go out through the whole body of Christ.
January 26, 2015
Jesus’ presence came over me and poured into me a remembrance that here was an opportunity to enter more fully into the suffering and companionship of Jesus- to grow further up into Him, who was misunderstood many times.
Peace and relief and love and gratitude poured through me and over me, sweeping away the grief and bewilderment and self-pity that I had been caught in.
I tipped my face up to Him in love and Jesus was smiling down at me so tenderly and I said, “Thank You! Thank You for this next gift of learning what it is like to be You. Let me learn and grow through this- let me increase in compassion, mercy and humility through this. And Father, have mercy on us, Your children and look down into the heart and how we all long to honor You, to grow in love, to grow in maturity and to serve You in uprightness and in faithfulness and knit us together in one, through love, that we should be one, as You and Jesus as One.”
February 17, 2015
Found myself praying intensely for little boxes of thought to be swept away by the rush of the pure, living water of God, that we would cease to be obsessed with theories and side tracks and surface things and focus on Jesus, simply show Jesus- to take up our cross and be like Jesus.
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free!” I prayed, and this prayer for the freedom and life that comes through knowing our Lord Jesus Christ was like a groan and a shout and a burning weight that I flung out- out where I don’t know.
My little fire brand, Jesus said, when I came to Him.
February 18, 2015
Had a dream that I went to the old Pentecostal church. It was a peaceful dream, the church was in a lovely setting and seemed hardly a building at all, and the meeting had just finished. People were still in knots and gatherings, talking together, laughing, fellowshipping.
I lingered there and a woman began to talk to me. She was a middle aged woman, kindly. I told her that I knew this church, that I had been baptized in the Holy Spirit here and that it was a good memory for me. She was such a nice person and it was easy to talk with her. I told her about my relationship with God and how it had grown from that point.
“Come here,” she said, excitedly. She took my hand and led me into the building, which at the same time seemed to remain outside. The floors were of grass. The few walls were in a meadow and there was no ceiling.
She led me over to another woman. So I told this other woman, also middle aged, but thinner and a little more serious looking, what I had told the first. She listened closely to each word, with all of her attention.
“And so because it's His will and the way that Jesus is working through me, when I pray, rivers of living water pour down and cover the earth,” I was saying. “Like that.” I pointed to a picture that happened to be either drawn or fastened to the wall next to her, of the earth in space, with a river of water pouring down from heaven and encasing the earth in living water like another atmosphere.
“You mean, fire comes down,” she interjected, strongly.
I felt the uncomfortable sensation of feeling that I was in the wrong somehow, but what could I do? I was only telling the truth and I would have to go on telling the truth and hope that we might come to an understanding.
I liked this woman; her intensity was not off putting. I understood it was because of her deep burning passion for Jesus and her integrity and desire to be upright. I appreciated this about her.
“I understand that the Holy Spirit is most often and appropriately experienced as holy fire,” I told her, “but in my case, I experience the Holy Spirit most usually as clear, living waters.”
“It’s just that flowing waters is a sign of the gift of power through the Holy Spirit,” she said.
“Is it?” I asked, willing to understand it that way, but never having heard that before. “I always assumed it was the fountain of living waters springing up into eternal life, like Jesus said.”
“Come here,” she said, taking my hand and leading me into another open room.
In this room there was a white board with writing on it. This room had no walls, but I knew a group of them had completed a lesson there, and the writing was left over from the lesson.
She pointed to the writing on the white board. There was a word written there. In the dream, as I looked at it, it seemed that it was not a real word; I understood it as two words that had been joined together with a hyphen: com-mendable.
It was written I think five times and under each of the words was a little explanation of a different aspect of this word, with a corresponding Scripture verse. The woman pointed to the com-mendable that was written the middle of the board and asked me intently, “Do you know what this means?”
As I looked at it, it seemed that I had no idea. Then I realized the first part stood for compassion, and the second part stood for recommend and then I understood the whole word. This understanding simply dropped into my mind.
“Yes, I do,” I said, confidently. “It means to depend on God.”
“Yes,” said the woman, looking at me, her expression serious. “You have the strongest gift of com-mendability that I have ever seen.”
I had to laugh, because I had never thought of this as a gift before, but as a necessity. “Well that makes sense!’ I said, smiling. “I have to rely on Jesus every minute of the day, for everything!”
-Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.
Therefore, to present, represent as advisable and to advice as an alternative and to make compassion desirable- that feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering- that is praise worthy- commendable.
This is done in entire reliance upon God, knowing ourselves to be recipients of His compassions, which fail not.
February 23, 2015
Night before last, was with Jesus and He stood. We walked to the end of the room and He paused by the fern and touched one of the fronds- there are ferns hanging between the pillars. Then He led me through the door and under the arbor. I went to the orchard, but that wasn’t where He was leading me, so I turned and went back and He went through to the vegetable garden and beyond, to the oak tree and down the lawn and into the lower pasture.
We hadn’t been there in a long time and it was exhilarating. Then I realized that part of this feeling was because of the wind and looking up I could see the sky was racing with clouds. The wind was tossing the heads of wheat like waves.
We paused in the field and the wind blew my hair straight up and I wanted to leap up into the sky, but at the last minute, I remembered that I didn’t want to go anywhere without Jesus, so I laid that desire down and prayed, “Into Thy hands, Thy will be done.”
And immediately we were in the sky, caught up in the wind and the silver grey clouds and the clouds burst into rain and in a moment, I was completely soaked. The rain was thick and heavy and steady.
Jesus held His hand out and the palm of His hand filled with water that glistened like silver in the light and He tipped His hand and it poured out onto the ground in a glistening silver stream. He did this many times.
“This rain is You,” I said, knowing it suddenly. “This is the knowledge of You- the clear, pure knowledge of You that covers the earth and brings life and refreshing and peace and love.”
Jesus said yes and reminded me that I had prayed for rain.
“May it be so, may it cover this earth and free our hearts to grow in You,” I prayed in agreement. “Let it rise up to our knees and rise up again higher and rise up again until it sweeps us off our feet, so that we are completely held and surrounded by You."
Now on that final and most important day of the Feast, Jesus stood, and He cried in a loud voice, If any man is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink!
He who believes in Me [who cleaves to and trusts and relies on Me] as the Scripture has said, From his innermost being shall flow [continuously] springs and rivers of living water.
John 7:37-38, AMP
If you are thirsty, come here;
come, there’s water for all.
Whoever is poor and penniless can still
come and buy the food I sell.
There’s no cost—here, have some food, hearty and delicious,
and beverages, pure and good.
I don’t understand why you spend your money for things that don’t nourish
or work so hard for what leaves you empty.
Attend to Me and eat what is good;
enjoy the richest, most delectable of things.
Listen closely, and come even closer. My words will give life,
for I will make a covenant with you that cannot be broken, a promise
Of My enduring presence and support like I gave to David.
See, I made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander among the nations.
Now you will issue a call to nations from all over the world—
people whom you do not know and who do not know you.
They will come running, because of Me, your God
because the Eternal, the Holy One of Israel, has made you beautiful.
So turn your attention and seek the Eternal One while it is still possible;
call on Him while He is nearby.
Let those who are busy plotting violence and doing wrong
stop right now, turn, and do right.
Let them turn back to the Eternal
so they can experience His compassion.
God will excuse our past wrongs.
Our God’s forgiveness is inexhaustible.
Eternal One: My intentions are not always yours,
and I do not go about things as you do.
My thoughts and My ways are above and beyond you,
just as heaven is far from your reach here on earth.
For as rain and snow can’t go back once they’ve fallen,
but soak into the ground
And nourish the plants that grow,
providing seed to the farmer and bread for the hungry,
So it is when I declare something.
My word will go out and not return to Me empty,
But it will do what I wanted;
it will accomplish what I determined.
For you will go out in joy, be led home in peace.
And as you go the land itself will break out in cheers;
The mountains and the hills will erupt in song,
and the trees of the field will clap their hands.
Prickly thorns and nasty briers will give way
to luxurious shade trees, sweet and good.
And they’ll remind you of the Eternal One
and how God can be trusted absolutely and forever.
Isaiah 55, Voice