Friday, June 12, 2015

June 12th

June 4, 2015

Was praying, “Teach me Your words…” when I remembered how the night before, I'd had to look up something Jesus had said to His disciples on the night before He was crucified, about what the Holy Spirit does:

"However, I am telling you nothing but the truth when I say it is profitable (good, expedient, advantageous) for you that I go away. Because if I do not go away, the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you [into close fellowship with you]; but if I go away, I will send Him to you [to be in close fellowship with you].

And when He comes, He will convict and convince the world and bring demonstration to it about sin and about righteousness (uprightness of heart and right standing with God) and about judgment:

About sin, because they do not believe in Me [trust in, rely on, and adhere to Me];

About righteousness (uprightness of heart and right standing with God), because I go to My Father, and you will see Me no longer;

About judgment, because the ruler (evil genius, prince) of this world [Satan] is judged and condemned and sentence already is passed upon him."
-John 16:7-11

Remembering this, I realized how this passage was explaining something important to me and how powerfully it fit into my usual prayer, so I included it.

I threw myself into the arms of Abba and wrapped my arms around His shoulders and remembered the goodness of His loving heart and rested everything that I was into that trust in Him, and I prayed:

"Oh Heavenly Father, Daddy- hallow Your name in all the earth, hallow Your name among my brothers of flesh and blood trapped in the evil systems of the Boko Haram and ISIS. Let Your name shine out like a great light in gross darkness. Light up Your name as the only Living God, the loving Father Who so loved that world that You sent Your only begotten Son, not to condemn the world, but to save it.

Your Kingdom of love come right down into the midst of those flesh and blood brothers  and sisters of mine and break open into light around them, in their hearts and minds. Open the eyes of the blind and lead the captives out of the prison of those evil systems. Break their chains free and heal their hearts with Your unfailing love. Break through the dark of their sin and captivity with Your breathtaking love, because while we were at our worst, You gave Your life for them, to reconcile them to You. Now turn their hearts to You. You are reconciled to them, draw their hearts so they are reconciled to You.

Your will be done right there in those lands and in their hearts and among them as it is in Your very presence of love, righteousness, justice, peace, mercy and compassion. For You are unwilling that any should perish, but rather that all should come to repentance and You have no joy in the death of a sinner, but rather that he should turn and live, and if their hearts are shattered by Your breathtaking love that claims them as sons and calls them by name, how could they ever hurt the small and the innocent and the helpless, once they know the love of the Father of Lights for them?

O Righteous Father, the world had never known You, but Jesus has known You and He has manifested Your name to those You gave Him, that they might send it out to all the earth. O Loving Father, glorify and magnify and lift up Your Son Jesus Christ that You might be glorified, magnified and honored through Him. Lift up Jesus among the Boko Haram and ISIS and draw their hearts to Him and give them this day the Heavenly Bread of His broken body on the cross. Right into the midst of them, send down Jesus in the beauty and the power of His self sacrificing love and in the authority and in His place of ascension at Your right hand of His ascension.

Send the Holy Spirit, as Jesus said, to do that work that is His to do- to convict them of sin, which is to not believe in Jesus and of righteousness, which is Jesus, and of judgment, because the past ruler of the world has already been judged and they themselves are forgiven. Let them repent and believe the good news!

Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Pour into their hearts the forgiveness of Jesus, who forgave His executioners from the cross. Like Zacchaeus, draw their hearts toward Jesus, so they see Him and experience His grace as He calls them by name and comes right into their house and as they are forgiven, let them return many times over to those they have taken from, in restoration that binds up the wounds of the broken hearted and gives glory to Your name.

O Heavenly Father, do not put us to the test, but in Your power and because of Your loving kindness and Your compassion, deliver us from evil, for You are a good God. Deliver my brothers and sisters of flesh and blood from the evil that kills, steals and destroys from within and without, reach down and deliver them right out of that evil and into the Kingdom of the Light of Your Son for Your name's sake, for Your name is love and You are the God of our Salvation and the whole world is Yours and they are made in Your image and we all like sheep have gone astray, so rescue us from the evil that is breaking this world and bring them to Your side in love and give them a new name and a new heart and bind up their wounds that they might go out as emissaries of Your unfailing love to heal and to restore and to proclaim Your love-

Because, O my Father, Yours is the Kingdom. The whole Kingdom is Yours. The whole earth and all its fullness belongs to You and You alone. All the authority on heaven and on earth belongs to You and all the power and the ability is Yours and all the glory belongs to You and comes from You and goes to You."

And when I got to the next prayer, I realized how much Jesus was teaching me, and I had to stop to love Him in adoration and worship.

June 5, 2015

Thrown into terrible confusion about what to do, if I should post it at all, was I hearing Him correctly, what if I wasn’t, maybe I should post the other that I had stopped working on half way, because He led me to this one, but what if He didn’t, and I should have continued with it, blah, blah blah.

Thrown headfirst and boneless into faith in nothing but Christ Himself. “I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him,” I prayed. I had to believe that if Jesus wanted me to post something else, He would clearly tell me so, because He is perfectly able to do so and He is the One who is doing things for the sake of His name. Laid out my entire self for His inspection- for His is the Kingdom and the power and the glory and let go and believed Him faithful and capable to communicate and to lead me when my whole desire is to be obedient to His will.

And I don’t know how I remembered it, but I remembered the last phrases of the Psalm 22 and how those are talking also about a feast. I had to read it, so I turned on the light and read it and immediately my heart was soothed. Here was the same theme, only with the focus drawn out so that it went wider and deeper, farther into history, with the sacred joy of this feast set right against the agony of Jesus' crucifixion.

And Jesus said with reassuring calm and clarity, Put this at the end of the parable.

On my nightstand I left the Bible open at that psalm for comfort and to be sure I remembered it in the morning, and turned off the light and suddenly it struck me that in such a brief since my prayer to Him, Jesus had in responded, comforted and directed me, and it came over me all over again that this is not a dress rehearsal. I am being dealt with by God. Was thrown into something like a holy fear that was so close to being an inexpressible, almost unbearable joy that I don’t know how to describe it.

Then in the morning, I prayed and opened the blog to work, but Jesus said, Turn the calendar page over, so I did and this was the verse:

“I will bless the LORD who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me.”


Afterwards, was resting in satisfaction in Jesus and His work while cutting up watermelon as Merissa ate breakfast and Jesus said to me, I build up My kingdom through you.

I knew, even as He spoke it, that Jesus did not mean solely through me, but that He was for the first time making me think consciously about how He was involving me and for what reason.

“But I don’t like that at all,” I protested, which is why I don’t like to think about it. “Can’t You do it Yourself?"

Because it creates in me the same uneasiness when I consider how Jesus ascended to His Father and left things in the hands of the apostles and disciples. When I thought about this, I thought surely this must be some crazy plan B. But once when I was thinking this, Jesus told me that it was not plan B; it had always been the plan. He works through us.

Ask Me by faith for the work to be done, and I will work through you, your faith and requests in the building of My Kingdom, He insisted.

“Can’t You do it without anyone asking You? Would You do nothing if no one made a request of You?” My responses and questions to Jesus had the same uncensored honesty as a child's because I was caught up in a trusting flow of communication with Him, and Jesus is unfailingly patient and kind.

By My own Word I created the heavens and the earth. I am perfectly capable of doing what I wish, but now it is My pleasure to involve you in My work, Jesus replied.

I considered this. He was asking me to step over into something that He had already being doing in me, but He wanted me now to do it consciously, so I laid my will down, knowing that Jesus will be all my strength and direction and ability.

“I accept,” I told Him. “Your will be done.”

Jenny, I love you, He replied.

June 6, 2015

Many times as I pray, "I am Your servant," I see myself putting my head down on Jesus' nail scarred feet as He sits on the throne and it is a great pleasure and relief, to be so resting upon Him and many times, I see myself lying flat on my face before Him, arms outspread, also in profound relief and pleasure to be so given over completely to His will and His love and His ability and many times also, I see myself falling with relief into His arms and throwing my arms around His shoulders and with great pleasure and joy, giving up any attempt at my own strength and ability, and leaning instead entirely upon Him and His strong, steady and beating heart, and whispering my requests right to Him as I hold onto His broad shoulders, upon which the government rests.

I was downstairs washing dishes and the show “Pawn Stars” was on, and someone brought a Roman coin up to the counter to sell, and the store owner said that it was not just any coin, but a denarius- it was a coin from the reign of Caesar Augustus, and just the day before I had posted the blog about Caesar's denarius.

My mouth nearly dropped open. I went from the counter to the back of the couch, to see better, and there it was. The camera focused on it, and there was Caesar’s image and Caesar’s inscription, just as it would have been when Jesus was walking the earth. Only this coin, they said, had been minted forty years after His crucifixion, so it couldn’t have been the one held by the Pharisees as they spoke to Him. But it would have been one quite similar.

It was breathtaking. There, quite clearly, was the sharp profile of a flesh and blood man who had once lived but was now long dead- a haughty, proud Emperor, his face pressed into the ancient coin, held in the fingers of a man of my own generation, who eventually sold it for quite a lot of money.

It stirred up in me such a deep seated longing for Jesus, and this longing filled my spirit all day long, a longing like this:

    Besides, I know my Redeemer lives,
       and in the end He will rise and take His stand on the earth.
    And though my skin has been stripped off,
       still, in my flesh, I will see God.
    I, myself, will see Him:
       not some stranger, but actually me, with these eyes.
    Toward this end, my deepest longings pine away within my chest.
-Job 25:25-27, The Voice

In the night, I was resting with Jesus and thinking about this still. I was thinking about how Caesar August claimed that he was the son of god. So on earth at that time, there was one man, the ruler of a vast empire, living in luxury that now seems squalid, bending everything to his will through brutal and violent force, intrigue and wealth.

And at the same time, there was Jesus, born in some obscure village, living for thirty years as a tradesman in poverty, in an occupied land wracked by violence, who also claimed He was the Son of God, and the King- the Annointed of God.

And after only three and a half years of public ministry, when He was taken by violent men and presented before Pontus Pilate, the servant of the Roman empire, amid all those stone symbols of earthly authority Jesus stood straight and quiet and said: “My Kingdom is not of this world.” And like a lamb, He was led to the slaughter.

There could be no more dissimilar ways of expressing authority, power and kingdom than between Caesar and Jesus of Nazareth, and how breathtakingly beautiful is the reign of Jesus, the slain Lamb, who gave up everything He had by right, freely and in obedience of love- love of Abba and love of us, and how perfectly and absolutely worthy Jesus is of everything possible to be given. He is tried and true and all His judgments are perfect.

But as I was resting with Jesus, thinking about this, I thought about the significance of coins, and how as a small earthly emperor, Caesar had coins which circulated throughout his empire, sending out his name and face, reminding everyone of who he was and who was in charge, and where were Jesus’ coins?

Then I knew. In a brilliant moment of inspiration, love and joy, I knew, and I threw my arms around Jesus in joyful adoration and I looked up at His face with perfect trust and I said to Him with joy, “Show me a Jenny! Whose Name and Whose image does she bear?”

Mine and Mine, Jesus replied immediately, with passionate possessiveness and I had to laugh for the joy of His love, because our God is a jealous God and that jealousy is an exceptionally wonderful thing to know from within His hand, where He keeps us.

“Yes, Yours!” I confessed freely, joyfully, and His love was like a fire all through my spirit.

June 7, 2015

Today as I prayed, I saw myself held in the arms of Jesus and the Father, safely with Them as though They were shielding me, and everything around was lost in golden light as I prayed, so that I saw only Them in the luminescence, and my prayer was coming through me from the Holy Spirit, so it wasn’t even really my own words, because the Holy Spirit was coaxing them out, lighting up phrases in my mind, and as this was happening, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the verse, “Ask of Me, and I will give to You the nations as Your inheritance.”

So I went down on my knees before Papa and I said, “I’m asking for those nations- not for myself, I’m asking on behalf of Jesus,” and when I said that, I felt a rush of the Holy Spirit all through me and I understood more what I was doing, and I saw Papa look up and give Jesus this look like, “Look at her! She is really going to ask this!” It wasn’t a bad look, it was a wonderful look, so standing, I threw my arms around Abba’s broad chest and buried my head against His heart and I said to Him, “I’m asking for Jesus, on His behalf, as His own- give Him those nations. Give Jesus the nations where the Boko Haram and ISIS operate- give Him those nations as His inheritance, for the glory of Your Name, so Your name might be magnified in all the earth.”

Then as I thought about this later, while resting with Jesus, I was thinking how He had said, I build My Kingdom through you, and here was a way in which it was done, and how when I had said, “I’m asking on behalf of Jesus as His own,” this is similar to asking the Father for something in the name of Jesus, that the Father might be glorified.

Then I was thinking further, and the Holy Spirit lit up in my understanding how one can only ask such things according to the will of God, so it’s not that one can ask anything, it’s that one is asking what Jesus also is asking.

So then I thought, this is what it means to be the bondservant of Christ- to be obedient only to His will, and then I thought, but He calls us friends, but that is because He tells us all that is on His heart and His will, and then I thought, but we are precious to Him, His own Body, His sister, His spouse.

Then this whole chain of understanding opened up to me- that according to and in the light of His great love for us, we are His own body, His spouse, but in obedience, we are His bondservants, and according to His counsel, we are His friends. According to His salvation, we are His redeemed and according to His plan and building, we are His temple.

According to His will, we are created anew in His own image, and according to the working of His mighty power, we are co heirs with Christ, the brothers and sisters of Christ Jesus Himself, though in all things He has the first place and the preeminence, being the only uniquely begotten Son of God, Himself the head and the source of the church, which is His body, though which He fills all things with Himself.

He reigns as the King of kings and the Lord of lords- because it is His will that we also should reign under Him as kings and lords- it fits His own purpose. But we must reign in the same way He does- through the emptying of ourselves in loving service, through perfect faith in Abba.

That is, we live a cruciform life and then we reign with Him in love, united to Jesus through His life, death, resurrection and ascension,, and therefor glorified with Him, because part of the glory of God is that They are One and They are One in love, because God is love, and this is love- not that we loved Him, but that He loved us and gave His only begotten Son that we should not die, but that we should live in Him and through Him and for Him.

So give God the glory forever and ever, amen!

June ? (I forgot to write down the date, sometime after that entry), 2015

"With my own eyes I will see You," I whispered to Jesus.

That is My promise, He assured me.

"Jesus, I long for You..."

Not so much as I long for you.


And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying,

“All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.
Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them
in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you;
and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”


-Matthew 28:18-20