“I worry that my love for You will run out,” I confessed to Jesus.
It’s not your love for Me that keeps you, He countered. It's My love for you that keeps you, and My love never fails and never ends and never grows less.
July 21, 2015
I’m writing this early in the morning, the hopes of getting some work done. The windows are open. On the 17th, after I went back to bed, I was filled with praise for the Holy Spirit.
“Oh dear Holy Spirit, my Paraclete, my steadfast and faithful Guide, I love you!” I exclaimed, and because I was then seeing Him, I threw my arms around Him in grateful joy. He was as usual a translucent figure. “You sanctify me and cleanse me and keep me and guard me- You are my pillar of fire by night and a pillar of smoke by day! You are my down payment for full redemption of this body and you are my engagement ring, the seal of God that says I am His!” I caught up His hand and kissed it. “But most of all, I love You and will be eternally grateful to You, because through You and because of You I can be with Jesus even now, Whom I love and long to be with, and You are my faithful and dependable Guide to Him and You continually sanctify me so I can become more like Him. I will always be grateful to You for this.”
All the time I was speaking, waves of love were coming from the Holy Spirit; He was saying, dear, precious child, I love you.
Then it came over me all of a sudden and quite deeply, that because of the nature of the Trinity, and because of the nature of God’s Holy Spirit, it wasn’t so much that the Holy Spirit led me to Jesus, it was more that the Holy Spirit was Jesus’ Spirit- another words, I wasn’t yet with Jesus in a manifested way, but I was filled with His own Spirit!
Because of His Holy Spirit indwelling me, I had immediate and constant and personal access to Jesus Himself, to His own Spirit! This is not a far away or fitful relationship; it’s almost past comprehension.
So it wasn’t like I was only sort of with Jesus now and I would really be with Jesus later, which is what I sometimes get caught up in thinking. I’m struggling to put the depths of this into words. However, that night the understanding that I can’t write correctly burst into me and as it did, I saw the translucent figure of the Holy Spirit come into color and detail and it was Jesus Himself that I was with and He was smiling and His eyes were dancing.
I spent hours that evening doing nothing but pouring out love to Jesus- caught up in waves of joy- the joy at first quiet and then rising to crests of ecstasy and then cresting over and falling in a cascade of joy and then resting and riding up another swell of joy and with each of these waves, worship and love was drawn up out of me. Everything about me can only truly be understood when I am doing what I am meant to be doing all along, which is to worship and adore and delight in Jesus.
*
I wrote this prayer in the late morning, when Merissa was napping, in obedience to what Jesus was telling me to do, so I knew that He wanted me to share it before I even spoke it.
Also, I opened up the second chapter of Ephesians and prayed from that. (I have shared that portion of the Scriptures at the bottom of this blog post.) I had seen it the day before and knew immediately that I was going to be including it in my prayers.
I always walk into and through resistance before I pray, but on this particular morning, it was like walking through a massive dragging undertow of discouragement, doubt, fear and reluctance.
(Posting this blog has also been an uphill drag each step and all day long, I have been battered with fear, exhaustion, weariness, anxiety and doubt. Just before I sat down here to finish this was the worst, but I got out my Bible and found all the places where I had turned down the corners to mark where Jesus was speaking to me strongly- especially Isaiah 41:8-17, and then the air cleared.)
No matter how hard it becomes, it doesn't matter, because Jesus is my Good Shepherd and I have learned that all I need to do is to trustingly obey the one step He is leading me toward. So that morning when I knew I must pray, I sat down, opened up that Scripture, put myself by faith into the hands of the Holy Spirit and began-
Oh my dear heavenly Father of lights, in whom there is no shadow of turning, my Father of love, Father of all, from whom every family on earth takes its name. Heavenly Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who perfectly and fully manifested Your name while He was on earth. My beloved heavenly Father, in whom I place my hope, the God of all hope, with a yearning heart of love, who waits and looks from a far distance for the return of Your sons- broken hearted Father, tender hearted Father, who yearns for his children, who waits for His darling child-
I ask You in Jesus’ name to hallow Your name above any other name that is uttered on earth or in heaven. Hallow Your name above every shadow, counterfeit, and lie. Hallow Your name in all the earth, the fullness of which is Yours. Set Your name apart from every other construct, idea or philosophy, set Your name apart as the Living and Holy God, the Eternal, who was fully shown forth through Your Son Jesus Christ.
Hallow Your name as the Living Father of love amid those currently caught in the systems of Isis, Boko Haram and in the systems of Islam, those in the countries of Iran, Iraq, Syria, Ethiopia, Nairobi and Kenya, those drinking from the dry wells of the law.
Through the shed blood of Christ Jesus, they who were once so far away have now been brought near and Jesus Christ Your Son shines like a light in their darkness and through His Holy Spirit, He extends to them now an introduction to You, the Living Father, that they might drink from the water of Life.
By abolishing in His own crucified flesh the enmity caused by the Law which He has annulled, Jesus Christ has created in Himself one new man and so has made peace with them, reconciling them to their brothers by means of His cross, thereby killing the mutual enmity and bringing the feud to an end.
Through Your Holy Spirit, I speak peace to my brothers of flesh and blood right now. Peace, peace to you through Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior. That dividing wall is fallen; it has fallen down and lies in the dust. It exists no longer. Now through the Holy Spirit, I am extending you an introduction to your Father- behold, your God! Behold your God upon the cross, who in His love for you, took on your sin that by believing in His name, you might become the sons and daughter of God.
I am telling you right now by the blood of the Lamb, you may as well beat those swords into ploughshares, because you don’t need them anymore. Jesus has put to death that enmity by His body on the cross and Jesus says to you who once who far away- Peace, peace to you. You are My sons, My darling sons whom I love. I call you by name, you are Mine. Stop eating the bones and come to Me that you might have life. I am the bread of Life. Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood will have life indeed and never die. You have been brought near to Me by the blood of My cross, now put down your sword, I love you. I am the God who sees you. I have put that enmity to death by the cross. You are My son, I love you. Come home.
God’s heart is broken, He is in anguish, He cries out to you- Oh My son, oh My son! Would that I could have died in your place! I stretch out My arms and I do die for you! I give up My life and taste death that you might have life- life abundant, life eternal! I have entered your hell that you might be with Me in heaven. I love you, you are My son! You have been included in the fellowship of heaven, you belong to God’s own household. You who were once so far away are no longer exiles, but I have brought you into the citizenship of heaven along with God’s own people. There is no more enmity. There is no more feud.
There is the Lamb slain before the foundations of the world and His holy temple which are His saints, the household of God, being built up through His Holy Spirit, into which I am extending to you an invitation. Come home to Me, my son. I am holding out My arms to you, I love you.
When you ask Me who I am, I will tell you and am telling you that I am Jesus Christ, the Living God Whom you are persecuting, and I love you. I stretch out My arms to you, I have written your names in the palms of My hands and I have never forgotten you. Yet through you pierce My heart, still I will love you; let Me heal you.
Rise up now and go into the city of God; I will take you by the hand and lead you by the Way you had not known. I will lead you and I will not forsake you. When you enter the house of God, your brothers and sisters in Me will tell you what to do. I will never leave you nor forsake you. Yet though you die, you will live- in Me you have a true and lasting inheritance, in Me you will find a true and living redemption and a living and true righteousness- true and pure upstanding and right standing before God my Father and your Father, which comes through Me. I will show you honor and courage that are true and pure before God. The way of My cross requires the greatest courage and sacrifice and love that man will ever know and that is what I am calling you to. I will be with you each step along the way and I will never leave you nor forsake you.
*
About at this point in the prayer, my daughter work from her nap. I blew my nose and threw away my tissues because I had been sobbing my heart out- both from the grief of Abba which was agonizing, and from joy at the unbelievable love and longing of God and the fullness and breathtaking grace of Jesus' redemption on the cross- and then got Merissa up and we went off to the park where there is a stream to wade in. On the way, the rest of the prayer kept coming to me and as each line rose up, I'd end up in tears. I was in tears when I helped Merissa out of her car seat.
We waded in the stream and then went up to the play ground area. Merissa started up the bright blue painted steps abut she only got to the first stair before she backed down. I was disappointed because I wanted her to enjoy the structure.
"Oh, Merissa," I exclaimed sadly, and suddenly, I sent this laughing, poignant glance at Jesus, because boy did I ever understand better what it must be like for Him when He places something in front of me, and in timidity, I first reject it.
Go with her, Jesus said.
I stood at the bottom of the steps and encouraged Merissa to join me. I took her hand and said, "Let's go, Merissa! We'll go up together!"
But she was having none of it. She pulled her hand from mine and went running off on the hot white sand and then looked back.
Now go ahead of her, Jesus said.
I waved Merissa back. "Merissa, come here, look! Mommy's going to do it! Look what Mommy can do!"
Interested, she came close and watched me as I took the first step. "Come on up with Mommy!" I said to her, bending down to offer her my hand, which she took and willingly, she came up all the stairs, one step behind me, until we stood on the little painted platform.
"Yes, I understand. I hear You," I said to Jesus, smiling.
Until praying as I had that morning, I had not understood why Jesus tells us to love our enemies and to pray for those who mistreat us- He asks us to do this because He is hoping and wanting them to become our brothers and sisters in Him, and this becomes very difficult to happen if we are responding to them in the same way that they are hurting us- an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth.
Jesus is out seeking and saving the lost. Jesus is out gathering. He will search the whole house and go a long way just to find one. By the grace of God and in His holy love, let us gather with Jesus, asking Him for all that we need in His name, that His joy may be in us and that our joy may be full, and that we produce abundant fruit for the glory of Abba.
This does not mean that we dress the wound of our people lightly and say peace, peace when there is none. The wounds are grievous. The war is atrocious. But because we are the sons and daughters of God, we don't war against flesh and blood. When we do go to spiritual war, we know that we are following our Lord Jesus Christ, who has already won the victory. We follow Him with joy and certainty.
By abiding in Jesus and through His Holy Spirit, we can participate with Jesus in His healing, saving and redeeming work, no matter how dark it might look with our natural eyes. Participating in this work brings us joy that is eternal and will never pass away.
Jesus has given me a lot of Scripture that I've been feasting on lately. Here is one:
"I, even I, am He Who comforts you. Who are you, that you should be afraid of man, who shall die, and of a son of man, who shall be made [as destructible] as grass,
That you should forget the Lord your Maker, Who stretched forth the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, and fear continually every day because of the fury of the oppressor, when he makes ready to destroy or even though he did so? And where is the fury of the oppressor?
The captive exile and he who is bent down by chains shall speedily be released; and he shall not die and go down to the pit of destruction, nor shall his food fail.
For I am the Lord your God, Who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar and Who by rebuke restrains it—the Lord of hosts is His name.
And I have put My words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of My hand, that I may fix the [new] heavens as a tabernacle and lay the foundations of a [new] earth and say to Zion, You are My people."
Isaiah 51:12-16
*
Therefore, remember that at one time you were Gentiles (heathens) in the flesh, called Uncircumcision by those who called themselves Circumcision, [itself a mere mark] in the flesh made by human hands.
[Remember] that you were at that time separated (living apart) from Christ [excluded from all part in Him], utterly estranged and outlawed from the rights of Israel as a nation, and strangers with no share in the sacred compacts of the [Messianic] promise [with no knowledge of or right in God’s agreements, His covenants]. And you had no hope (no promise); you were in the world without God.
But now in Christ Jesus, you who once were [so] far away, through (by, in) the blood of Christ have been brought near.
For He is [Himself] our peace (our bond of unity and harmony). He has made us both [Jew and Gentile] one [body], and has broken down (destroyed, abolished) the hostile dividing wall between us,
By abolishing in His [own crucified] flesh the enmity [caused by] the Law with its decrees and ordinances [which He annulled]; that He from the two might create in Himself one new man [one new quality of humanity out of the two], so making peace.
And [He designed] to reconcile to God both [Jew and Gentile, united] in a single body by means of His cross, thereby killing the mutual enmity and bringing the feud to an end.
And He came and preached the glad tidings of peace to you who were afar off and [peace] to those who were near.
For it is through Him that we both [whether far off or near] now have an introduction (access) by one [Holy] Spirit to the Father [so that we are able to approach Him].
Therefore you are no longer outsiders (exiles, migrants, and aliens, excluded from the rights of citizens), but you now share citizenship with the saints (God’s own people, consecrated and set apart for Himself); and you belong to God’s [own] household.
You are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets with Christ Jesus Himself the chief Cornerstone.
In Him the whole structure is joined (bound, welded) together harmoniously, and it continues to rise (grow, increase) into a holy temple in the Lord [a sanctuary dedicated, consecrated, and sacred to the presence of the Lord].
In Him [and in fellowship with one another] you yourselves also are being built up [into this structure] with the rest, to form a fixed abode (dwelling place) of God in (by, through) the Spirit."
-Ephesians 2:11-22, AMP
*
Therefore, remember that at one time you were Gentiles (heathens) in the flesh, called Uncircumcision by those who called themselves Circumcision, [itself a mere mark] in the flesh made by human hands.
[Remember] that you were at that time separated (living apart) from Christ [excluded from all part in Him], utterly estranged and outlawed from the rights of Israel as a nation, and strangers with no share in the sacred compacts of the [Messianic] promise [with no knowledge of or right in God’s agreements, His covenants]. And you had no hope (no promise); you were in the world without God.
But now in Christ Jesus, you who once were [so] far away, through (by, in) the blood of Christ have been brought near.
For He is [Himself] our peace (our bond of unity and harmony). He has made us both [Jew and Gentile] one [body], and has broken down (destroyed, abolished) the hostile dividing wall between us,
By abolishing in His [own crucified] flesh the enmity [caused by] the Law with its decrees and ordinances [which He annulled]; that He from the two might create in Himself one new man [one new quality of humanity out of the two], so making peace.
And [He designed] to reconcile to God both [Jew and Gentile, united] in a single body by means of His cross, thereby killing the mutual enmity and bringing the feud to an end.
And He came and preached the glad tidings of peace to you who were afar off and [peace] to those who were near.
For it is through Him that we both [whether far off or near] now have an introduction (access) by one [Holy] Spirit to the Father [so that we are able to approach Him].
Therefore you are no longer outsiders (exiles, migrants, and aliens, excluded from the rights of citizens), but you now share citizenship with the saints (God’s own people, consecrated and set apart for Himself); and you belong to God’s [own] household.
You are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets with Christ Jesus Himself the chief Cornerstone.
In Him the whole structure is joined (bound, welded) together harmoniously, and it continues to rise (grow, increase) into a holy temple in the Lord [a sanctuary dedicated, consecrated, and sacred to the presence of the Lord].
In Him [and in fellowship with one another] you yourselves also are being built up [into this structure] with the rest, to form a fixed abode (dwelling place) of God in (by, through) the Spirit."
-Ephesians 2:11-22, AMP
