Friday, January 15, 2016

January 15th

October 12, 2015

Faced some of the most intense and awful opposition to posting the blog about the words and cross of Christ than I think I have yet felt, in the sense of weariness, ineptitude and doubt.

“Why isn’t anyone else saying those words?” I asked Jesus, in frustration.

Because I’ve given them to you, He replied, patiently.

“Can’t someone else say them?”

I’ve given them to you to say.

“What if I didn’t say them?”

Then I would give them to someone else, Jesus replied, immediately and unequivocally.

I was upstairs trying to make the bed and saying to Jesus in weary resignation, “I need You tell me loudly that I must post that blog.”

I’ve given those words to you, Jesus repeated, His voice, though recognizable and clear, was no louder than usual, and certainly not physically audible.

“You’re going to have to speak louder than that,” I dared to reply. Even as I said it, I felt myself cringe.

Jenny! Jesus cried out, immediately- a cry of loving sorrow as though I had grieved His heart and I heard the authority in His voice, the voice of my Lord, Whom I must obey and trust, because for me, it is no longer the time for laying out fleeces. How many fleeces does one person need? Now is the time I must trust Jesus, because He is utterly trustworthy and this I know full well.

It seemed as though Jesus wasn’t the only one speaking, it seemed as though several people said my name at the same time, in shock at my doubt. I think, from the shock, that they must have been angels, because I could hear from their tone that they would never hesitate to obey, but run to give the message and it was hard for them to understand a reluctance to do so. Jesus was not shocked at all, because He is the Son of Man and knows all that it is to be human, only He lived a flawless life.

Jesus' voice was not loud, but it was amplified, echoing through my spirit with each passing moment, and my regret at doubting Him grew great enough that as I walked, I folded slowly down to my knees right where I was- I was stepping over some throw pillows as I was going to the other side of the bed that I was making, because it was laundry day. I sunk down to my knees and then onto my face, and I took my glasses off and rested my cheek in the carpet. It was hardly a conscious movement. I just ended up in that position.

I lay there and thought about Jeremiah and the verses that said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove, that I could fly away to a quiet wilderness place,” and how Elijah had run away in fear to the wilderness, and how Jesus had had such overwhelming compassion in his weakness and arranged to have him fed there until he was strong enough to go on.

Then Jesus insisted that I read that story, so I picked up my Bible, but went first to Isaiah to read that passage. I opened the book of Isaiah and it opened to that exact page where the passage was, and I read:

“I, even I, am He Who comforts you. Who are you, that you should be afraid of man, who shall die, and of a son of man, who shall be made [as destructible] as grass,

That you should forget the Lord your Maker, Who stretched forth the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, and fear continually every day because of the fury of the oppressor, when he makes ready to destroy or even though he did so? And where is the fury of the oppressor?

The captive exile and he who is bent down by chains shall speedily be released; and he shall not die and go down to the pit of destruction, nor shall his food fail.

For I am the Lord your God, Who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar and Who by rebuke restrains it—the Lord of hosts is His name.

And I have put My words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of My hand, that I may fix the [new] heavens as a tabernacle and lay the foundations of a [new] earth and say to Zion, You are My people.”
-Isaiah 51:12-16

Then again, Jesus insisted that I read that other section. As I read it, I was in awe and felt the burning of the Holy Spirit fill my belly as I understood. I knew what I would write- the lines were opening up one sentence after another, each one heavy as they fell into place and burning with meaning, and I was crying even as I understood it, as the depth and width of Jesus’ redemption of my life was opened to me- so far back and outward in width of impact, and the way in which Jesus turned everything terrible in my life and made it instead a stage for the power of His resurrection, redemption and truth.

There was this swift dying of myself as I understood this, because I knew I would be stepping out into the air, onto the water, in the doing of something ludicrously beyond my natural self and yet the reverent awe of the Lord Jesus was stronger even than my inability and I knew without question that I would rather face anything that not do what He was telling me to do and disappoint Him again. There are no words for the level of fear and yet also awe that I felt at looking at those words. That fear is such that there must be a dying of the natural self, because in myself I have no strength to walk into it. It must be done by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

The verse today was: “May all who search for You be filled with joy and gladness! May those who love Your salvation repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!” Psalm 40:16

October 13, 2015

Yesterday afternoon felt some of the most intense and awful headwind that I have ever had to move through. The oppression was almost a physical weight. Later, when resting, the Holy Spirit like a touch of light, caused me to remember all of Jesus' faithfulness to me before and in relief, I was able to release my intense anxiety and fear.

“Forgive me for my doubt,” I whispered, in the depth of my heart, and Jesus did, freely and fully and lovingly, and Jesus assured me again that He upholds me with His righteous right hand and that He is with me and that He is faithful.

That night, felt Jesus’ strong, overwhelming delight. Glorify Me! Jesus exclaimed, as though His heart were bursting with love and joy. He was filled with laughing, exulting joy. It took me by surprise, because I was still in the mindset of laboring through one step at a time, but Jesus was rejoicing as if everything were done, which was remarkably reassuring.

“I’m giving You these words,” I said, giving them entirely back to Him for review and releasing any soulish desire for them.

They are beautiful, every one! He exclaimed.

“You can change anything or take anything out..."

They are beautiful, Jesus repeated. And you will remember these words in the morning. What did I say?

“You said they were beautiful words.”

“I’m trusting You with all myself,” I said to Him later.

You are precious to Me, I love you! Jesus exclaimed, because that joy was still filling Him.

In the morning, as soon as I woke up, anxiety hit me like a punch in the stomach. My whole stomach filled immediately with burning acid of anxiety and I lay there feeling sick, but reaching out for Jesus, I remembered His words and rested in His presence and the anxiety left slowly, leaving me in this unearthly peace- like the peace of having died to oneself. I offered myself to the Holy Spirit.

I’ve given you wings to fly, He said to me. And I remembered the words, oh that I had the wings of a dove, that I might fly away to rest.

And Jesus said that I should post the blog and then go on an internet fast, and that was my rest. Until Friday, Jesus said.

“I will. I will do just that,” I agreed.

The verse was “We praise You Lord, for all Your glorious power. With music and singing we celebrate your mighty acts.” Psalm 21:31

October 21, 2015

I want to record something that happened earlier, something that happened in the days after I posted the October 13th blog when I was receiving waves of confirmation and encouragement. During that time, I kept being tempted to judge some of my brothers and sisters in Christ, in the sense of drawing a line determining who was really in the Kingdom of Heaven and who wasn’t.

The temptation to judge them was frequently intruding into my thoughts. Anytime I felt this or began to make these judgments, as soon as I realized I was doing this, I dropped the assumption of judgment, horrified, and asked Jesus sincerely to forgive me and to cleanse the thoughts of my heart by the inspiration of His Holy Spirit, that I might perfectly love Him and worthily magnify His great name.

One night, the temptation to make these judgments was quite intense and I kept being presented with the idea that making these judgments was in fact godly because doing so was to use the gift of discernments of spirits, which is a gift I was prophetically given a long time ago, and that because I had been obedient through the recent intense trial, I was being given an upgraded ability to discern who was in the Kingdom of Heaven and who wasn’t.

To make matters worse, I was then presented with the thought that if I didn’t make these judgments and use this “gift”, I would be grieving the Holy Spirit and the gift would be taken back and I wouldn’t be given it again and wouldn’t be able to proceed further along my spiritual journey.

Well, I was in an agony! I was in an agony of terrible, pressing indecision, because I pray for discernment every day- two of my prayers are directed specifically for that, because I must be able to hear Jesus’ voice clearly in order to obey Him and bring honor to His name, so that I can be before His throne at the end of my life having nothing but pure joy in my heart, knowing that I have pleased Jesus and brought Him honor.

And I never want to grieve the Holy Spirit! If the Holy Spirit wants to give me a gift, I want to receive it with reverence and profound gratitude. But even with all this, it just felt in the bones wrong to spiritually judge and condemn my brothers and sisters in Christ.

So what happened was, in sheer desperation at my plight, in my spirit, I went to the throne of my Lord Jesus Christ and in humble entreaty I sank down until I was lying prostrate on the floor with my arms outspread to either side, open hands palm down on the polished stone floor with my cheek resting on His crucified feet and it was such a relief to be there! Immediately I felt better. I felt as though there was a force of powerful energies far, far beyond human strength rushing at great speeds over my head. I couldn't see what was happening, but I felt certain that the best place to be was flat on the floor.

I said to Jesus, “Dearest Lord, I’m staying right here! It is safe right down here on the floor in Your presence, because Yours in the Kingdom and the power and the glory. The Kingdom is Yours and Yours are the judgments. All judgments have been given to You and everything is Yours and I am Yours and You are at the center. The center of the Kingdom- the throne and the judgments and the power and the glory and the authority are Yours. If the Holy Spirit has something more to teach me or guide me into, than I will know His voice of Light and Love and will be led peacefully into that greater understanding through the pure presence of the Holy Spirit, but the voice of a stranger I do not know and I will not follow.”

Then I wasn’t bothered anymore and all the intensity left and my thoughts were peaceful as they usually are.

It took me several days to begin to understand all that this meant, but one of the most interesting was a sudden insight into how completely altered things would be if Adam and Eve had only said to each other, “Wait! We don’t know what this means, but Jesus will know! Let’s go ask Him!” and then gone running away to Jesus, and said to Him, “The serpent has been speaking to us about eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and it sounds like such a good idea and it looks so attractive and we want to be like You because we love You, but now we’re confused. What does it meant to die? Would we truly die? What does it meant to be like You? Why can’t we eat from that tree?”

Discernment to determine what is the good and perfect will of God, and to know His voice and to understand doctrines, to know one’s place in the Body of Christ, to know how to please, obey and honor the Lord Jesus, and discernment to know which teachings are going to be beneficial are all vital and necessary to grow in maturity in the Kingdom of God and come from the Holy Spirit of Truth who is given to us as a peaceful and holy gift from the Father of Lights.

Most importantly, discernment of spirits is of great and constant value and must be used, as John and James learned when, in their eagerness on behalf of Jesus, they would have called down fire from heaven on the Samaritans when they rejected Him. This response earned a stern rebuke from Jesus, and we should always keep this in mind, trusting always in our faithful, steadfast, pure and faithful Comforter, the Spirit of Truth, who helps us at every turn and in every situation.

But discernment is not the same thing as condemning a person whom Jesus dearly loves, laid down His life for and has plans for in His kingdom, no matter where that person is now or how far they may have fallen. Jesus’ desire for them will be for mercy, justice and righteousness to be restored in and through them.

The judgments of God lead to righteousness which leads to peace, and if the Lord Jesus Christ Himself does not make judgments apart from Abba, than we certainly will not be making judgments apart from our Lord, and so that all things will be in perfect alignment with the heart of Abba. We intercede for those that are lost, or who have lost their way, according to the heart of Jesus Christ, who came down from Heaven and took up His Cross in order to bring them to Himself, so great is His love for them.

It is that great and holy love in which we speak the truth that sets the captives free, opens the eyes of the blind, restores the prodigal son and redirects and includes the elder. Jesus Christ, the Beloved, most Holy and Precious Son of God was not content to remain safe in the arms of Abba, but willingly entered into His own creation, put on humanity and suffered and died in order that we might also be drawn up with Him through His resurrection and ascension into the perfect love and family of God. We must follow Him; we must flow in the direction of His heart. He is even now passionately interceding on our behalf, and where He is, there His servant will be also.

November 6, 2015

Got up this morning and remembered I had to blog and then remembered faith- how perfectly my story is coming together, how deeply Jesus has woven Himself into my life from the very beginning and I had no idea at the time, but I can see it now and it is mind boggling. And I remembered how I am looking straight to Jesus now.

So I threw away my worries and reached out to Jesus and He took my hand and briefly, I saw Him standing there by the bed, smiling and He said, Come walk with Me.

Later, realizing this is where my new lesson of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you also comes into play- that is, to assume the best, to recognize that Jesus is with them, teaching and invested in them, to believe that Jesus is faithful with them as He is and always will be with me, and to know that He will complete His work in them as He will in me and to know always that the Kingdom is centered around Jesus, and that Jesus is doing many different things at many different levels of understanding and to have a reverence of His work and what is sacred.

Also, Jesus said to me, what you share breaks up very hard ground and it sends pieces of hard ground flying up and that is what you are seeing.

At first I thought, well that’s very hard on me! Sometimes they come flying out and hit me! But then I remembered that’s why I always, always hide myself deeply in Him so that I remain sheltered, because really, Jesus is the everlasting Rock that has the strength to break up the ground, in me there is no strength, so I must hide in Him, or the ground itself would destroy me immediately.

The fact of the matter is, my testimony is going to continue to get this kind of reaction all along, because Jesus' grace toward me is scandalous and the way I know Him and see Him does not fit expectation. What I am learning to do now I will be putting into practice for many long months as I continue to share, because my testimony only gets more intense as it goes along.

Therefore, I think this is only the beginning and I shouldn’t be discouraged or judge or react poorly, but take hold of Jesus’ hand in loving trust and lean myself against Him and walk with Him, just as He invited me to do, and remember that Jesus was misunderstood and mislabeled as well.

November 11, 2015

Was longing for Jesus and sight was not opening up and so I was meditating about that moment of finally seeing Jesus as He is, and I was talking to Him about it as I meditated on it.

“And we will never be parted," I said to Him. "We will always be together. And everything about me will all be to Your glory.”

My work in you will be glorious, Jesus assured me.

“We will never be apart, not for any reason,” I reiterated, worried that important business might sometimes take Him way.

We will never be apart, not for one minute.

“And You will finally tell me all about You…” I said, thinking of how I longed to actually see Jesus doing the things that are written about in the Gospels.

I will open My whole life to you.

“And You will tell me all about everything…”

Then I saw Jesus take maps and things down and spread them open before me on a table and begin to point out the whole plan to me, but all I could think about was the realization that I was with Jesus right then, and I went into His arms like a shot and clung to Him like a limpet, and He held me tightly and I clung to His broad, beautiful shoulders and buried my face in His robe and just breathed.

December 7, 2015

Had been thinking about how it is not necessary nor is it possible to know each step in advance, but that one must step into the day knowing that Jesus will guide at each turn and give strength and direction as needed, and Jesus said to me, It was that way for Me.

And I understand that Jesus woke each morning with a disciple’s ear and stepped into His day not knowing everything that would come- what acts or signs or conflict He might face, or sometimes where He would sleep, but He was fearless and confident in God, knowing that at the exact right time, He would be given the sign, the words, the direction and the power, and so He had perfect, beautiful, living faith and His life was completely laid down at the altar of love to God from start to finish. And Jesus was given everything He needed, and as far in advance as He needed it- instruction and power and strengthening, all during His ministry and right through His Passion. And I worshiped and adored Jesus for the breathtaking beauty of His life, His devotion and purity and love, and just to pour out love on Him was a privilege that shook my heart with nearly unbearable joy.

January 9, 2016

Watched the webinar "The Revelation," by Paul Keith Davis, and before even a half an hour, was filled with so much longing and reverence that I couldn’t hold anymore and Jesus said lovingly, enough for now. So I stopped watching it there, but oh my goodness. The whole rest of the afternoon was overflowing with longing too much to express and reverence- this was like the tinder and the flint which was making not a spark, but a deep burning coal bed of worship and wonder in me. Physically fell to my knees and then onto my face in the room and then sat up, filled with joy, joy, joy- deep and quiet and wondrous joy to know that just as surely as I knelt on the carpet and just as surely as the carpet and the window and the pines outside were tangible and present and manifest, so also Jesus Christ would be tangible, present and manifest to me, and this is worth everything possible to give- a reward so great it is beyond full comprehension, and I was grasping this joy by realizing or seeing the reality of the things around me.

Oh woman, great is your faith, Jesus said tenderly. The quietness of my spirit was such that I could perceive with unusual clarity the gentle tone and living quality of Jesus' voice. And I knew that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was speaking directly to me with love.

I was filled with love and exquisite shyness to be known by Him and I said to Jesus in upwelling of joy and delight and shyness, “That is because You are the author of it.”

Then I realized again that everything I do here is really for Jesus, as gifts of love, so I got to my feet with joy and went to serve Him by serving my family, because in that way, I can make my love of Jesus known and demonstrated and given.


You are merciful and gracious to us, Lord Jesus.
So merciful and gracious,
and our souls take refuge
and finds shelter and confidence in You.

Yes, in the shadow of Your wings we take refuge
and are confident and rest in peace
until calamities and destructive storms are passed.

I will cry out to You, Lord Jesus,
for You perform on our behalf and vindicate us-
for You bring to pass Your purpose for us-
You surely complete Your purpose for us
according to Your good and perfect will.

Remove from us any way of falsehood and unfaithfulness,
because we have chosen and long for
Your Truth, Way and Life, Lord Jesus.

You will teach us Your way,
that we may walk and live in Your truth-
Grand us, Lord Jesus, purity of heart
that we may bring honor to Your name-

Direct and unite our hearts solely to revere Your holy name-
make us whole hearted committed to You, Beloved Lord.

Blessed are You, Lord Jesus!
Your will teach us Your will and Your Way!
With our lips we have declared
and recounted all the commands You have spoken.

Your words we have set before us,
so that we might not sin against You,
because You, Lord Jesus,
have written them living on our hearts,
and You, the living Word of God,
live in us and we in You and You in the Father-

Because You have given us new, willing and living hearts,
we will not merely walk but run
in the pathways of Your commandments
until that day
when we step right into Your full and manifest presence
and fall down at Your feet,
casting down our crowns and worshiping You-

for You, Lord Jesus Christ, alone are worthy
to receive all the power and riches and wisdom
and might and honor and majesty and blessing-
for by Your blood You have redeemed men to God,
brought them back into the arms of their Father.

By Your unfailing grace, may we walk
so closely in Your footsteps
that at the end of our lives,
we may say to You,
as You said to our Father:

Lord Jesus, now the hour is at hand!
We have glorified Your name
by completing all those works You gave us to do
and now we are coming to You!

Glorify, exalt and magnify Your name-
Bring forth Your Kingdom, Lord Jesus!

Breaking forth radiant with Your life-
for we have no life in ourselves.
Empowered and purified by Your Holy Spirit-
for we can do nothing of ourselves.
Moving forward not in fear but in joy-
for perfect love casts out fear.
Breaking free of the empty forms devoid of power,
casting aside every weight
and the sin that entangles
and rising up luminous with the light of Your face-

In pure devotion and joyful trust
in Your faithfulness and sovereignty-
Now to bring down with joy and with power,
Your Kingdom to this earth-
in our lives, in our families, our cities and our nations,
serving, healing, liberating, welcoming and restoring-
walking right in Your footsteps and glorifying You.
Your will be done here, Lord Jesus, as it is before Your throne-
Beloved Lord Jesus, make all things new!

Because the kingdoms of this world have become
the Kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ.
And of Your Kingdom and of Your peace,
there shall be end.

Worthy is the Lamb in the midst of the throne!