Friday, February 26, 2016

February 26th

January 1, 2016
“I receive and cherish all that You give me."
Beloved, I know that you do.

January 2, 2016
“Thank You for making Yourself available to me,” I said to Jesus.
I united Myself to you, He reminded me.

Last night, woke from a dream that I can’t remember very well now, except that what woke me up was a loud sound of knocking, which I thought I was actually hearing and it seemed to be right at my ear and was startling and immediately I reached out for Jesus and heard the verse, Behold, I stand at the door and knock…

January 4, 2016
Was reading in Matthew and listening very carefully in my spirit, and was inwardly hearing Jesus’ voice as though my ear were to His chest, aware of the resonance of His voice as He shaped the words and sent them out, of the two parables- the two sons and the vineyard.

“Hear another parable,” Jesus said. That phrase lingered in my mind. And I wondered about the stone breaking those who fell on it and grinding those to powder on whom it fell and asked Jesus and in a moment or two, I remembered the statue in Daniel and the stone that fell on the feet and that ground it to powder, and I remembered Jesus saying, "Blessed are those who do not stumble because of Me." So I think Jesus must be talking about the Kingdom of God.

Then I remembered how in Isaiah, it talks about a vineyard that God prepared, but it only produced sour grapes. And then here is Jesus talking about a vineyard that did produce, but whose leasers refused to give up the produce and committed violence and murder, which is shocking, really.

“I don’t like Him going to a far country,” I said to Jesus, remembering how He leased it out.

I know, Jesus said, smiling.

And then I remembered, in those days, a fine vineyard will appear, there’s something to sing about; I God, tend it! There is the good ending, thank God! I was filled with joy to remember this, and so was Jesus.

I nestled down into His arms and breathed Him in, and remembered how Jesus had said, “I am the True Vine and you are the branches, abide in Me and you will produce much fruit for the Father’s glory.” So I clung to and abided in the Vine, the Life and Light of men.

Meditating on the hidden Manna and how Jesus is the Manna that comes down from heaven, and how He was hidden in the Father’s embrace, and how the manna that was hidden meant first the manna in the ark of the covenant- inside the Mercy Seat. Was in Bethany, hidden with Him. The clay lamp was lit, shining a golden light in the room.

Finished the next current blog, which is not until next week, and it was the perfect length and Jesus said, it will be preparation for the next. Which means the next will be something else, indeed.

January 9, 2016
That way of being with Me is not for you now, Jesus said, when I thought again with longing of physically seeing Jesus standing in heaven.

Hear another parable, I remembered and with spiritual sight, I saw Jesus as He sat on the Temple steps to teach- I saw Him turn His head and look at me with such intent recognition and love, and I knew that I do see Jesus in some way, and that He does give Himself to me, but just as He said, not in the manifested and higher ways of spiritual experiences.

I wished again that I could see Jesus as He is in heaven, and knowing that I couldn’t, I resigned myself to His will and to waiting in longing to see Him that way and to accept that this was best for me, according to His mysterious but good purposes.

I saw Jesus' hand stretched out to me and I took His hand in love and relief and He laced His fingers through mine and I held on tight for comfort and for the knowledge, the wonderful, heady knowledge, that I was holding onto the hand of Jesus, that He had me by the hand, in love and tenderness. This knowledge brought a wash of joy and delight over me and Jesus said to me, this is the way for you.

January 11, 2016
Was meditating last night again on the moment of seeing Jesus for the first time and it was drawing worship raw and heavy right up out of all that I was and I was falling at Jesus’ feet as I was seeing Him there and saying, “Everything is Yours, everything is Yours, everything is Yours, Lord! Lord Jesus! Lord and Master! Everything I have done is really Yours! All the glory is Yours! It is all because of You! I praise You! I worship You!”

I felt layers of glory that I had not known was there, rise up from me like cloaks and go to Him, drawn to Jesus by perfect and uncontested right and I felt also layers of fear and doubt that were like little pieces of paper that had gotten stuck in the back of my mind and forgotten about- they burned to white ash in the consuming, holy fire of His undeniable presence and sovereignty and victory and I was nothing but relief, worship, and adoration of His ability and grace, His forgiveness and mercy and His faithfulness.

Jesus was holding me in His arms and I held His hand against my face and I was saying, “I love the hand of my Lord! Just to hold the hand of my Lord is honor and riches! Just to hold Your hand, Lord Jesus!”

January 12, 2016
I wish I could write about the experience I had with Jesus this afternoon, but I’m afraid the words won’t work that way. But I wish that I could and the thing that I can say is that I hunger and thirst for Jesus as though He were bread and He is in fact bread, the Bread of Heaven and it is nourishing indeed. Every time I catch a glimpse of His heart, I pour myself out like water in worship, and I know and agree and declare that the Lamb of God is worthy, worthy, worthy of all honor, power, majesty, blessing, dominion, riches and glory, worth to sit on the throne and worthy to receive the Kingdom that will never end, because of the breathtaking purity of His devotion to His Father and the heart shaking tenderness and passion with which He loves us. It is beyond understanding. Jesus is the most beautiful, the most precious, the most holy Person in all of Heaven and earth. He is the living and precious Heart of His Father, held always cherished in the Father’s arms of love.

I want nothing more than to be woven and knit right into Him so that I will never leave Jesus, but rest always and forever with Him- in fact, to rest forever in the bosom of Jesus as Jesus Himself rests in the bosom of His Father.

His humanity is tender and vulnerable and beautiful in the organic and ethnic qualities of His incarnation- that He is a Hebrew, that He worked with His hands, that He had a beard that they pulled out, a face that they beat with rods and that they nailed Him to the cross. That He has no beauty in His human person that we should be attracted to Him and no majesty in His human person that we should desire Him.

The gentleness of the face of Jesus, of Yeshua! The purity of His love, the tenderness of His pure hearted generosity! Even in His face, I could see that He is the flawless Lamb of God. His eyes are like doves by the waters, washed in milk and fitly set and what that means is that they are lit from His pure spirit with tender, self-sacrificing agape love, calm as milk and beautiful in their perfect, certain and peaceful focus.

January 14, 2016
Last night as usual, had a powerful encounter with Jesus where His presence was strongly overwhelming me. I was acutely away of His purity and perfection and love and acutely aware of how completely He has forgiven me and how absolutely necessary that He did, because of His holiness. He is a holy God. I was leaning against Jesus with my hand over my mouth, hardly able to stand and saying, over and over again, “You forgave me! You forgave me! We must forgive! We must forgive!” Because, since the Holy One of God, God Himself, forgave us our sins, it would be grievous of us not in turn to forgive others!

I fell down like water at His feet and was kissing His feet and He drew me back up into His arms, where He wishes me to be, but the presence of Jesus Christ was so overwhelming it was hard to remain on my feet. I put my hand on His heart and because of the power and purity of His heart, I was swept away on a tide of love and awe and adoration of massive proportions and I was pouring out pure adoration to Jesus for the self-sacrificing, agape beauty of His heart and at the same time, feeling the smallness of myself. I put my hand on my head in humility, as though to hide and Jesus put His own hand on my head and the warm weight of His hand! The strength and warm, rich weight of His hand! I can’t describe it, but I melted down like water again to His feet.

I must hide down in Jesus, down right in His presence, where everything but Him burns away, I whispered to myself.

You are Mine, all Mine, Jesus whispered.

“Praise God!” I exclaimed in joy. “I am Yours, all Yours!”

“Now I am coming to You,” I whispered to Jesus after a little period of being too shy and overwhelmed by the profound depth of my encounters with Him lately.

Come, Jesus whispered, warm and welcoming.

January 23, 2016
In the night before posting His words, (Beloved, don't turn away from Me) crying from sheer longing, from the pain of being held here in such limited ways of seeing and knowing Jesus compared to the fullness that is coming, and the constant grinding work of faith, day by day, step by step. Wanted to throw the whole thing off like heaving off a heavy, leaden weight, but without words and in great love, Jesus restrained me swiftly by reminding me of some things at once- by bringing to my mind His own suffering in the flesh- the great limitations and humbling and suffering of it, and His faithfulness and humility to finish the work regardless and also that this life here and now is a priceless gift where by my faith is refined and it will be worth everything.

“This life by faith is a gift, a precious gift,” I repeated as though clutching a security blanket. Then Jesus told me to get up and read His message to the Philadelphia church and I read, "Says He who is holy, He who is true!" Those are the precious words that Jesus uses to define Himself to me. He is holy and true- reliable, sanctified. And He knows my works! Jesus knows exactly what I am doing and I must keep His command to persevere- to obey the word of His patient endurance. Once I am with Him, I will never leave again- I will never go out again. And He comforts me to remind me that He is coming quickly! Jesus is not lingering; Jesus is coming quickly to me, swiftly. Sweet words of comfort.

January 27, 2016
Was very hungry for Jesus last night after several days of walking mostly by faith when the overwhelming feeling of His presence wasn’t there. I still insisted on resting by faith in His arms anyway, as I know it is always true, but the perception and knowing of this wasn’t deep or wide.

So last night, I cried out to Jesus, “I want to be with You! I miss You! I want to be with You!” and then I tried again to settle in by faith in Him and Jesus answered in an overwhelming way.

"Jesus who was crucified is not in the tomb,” I said to Jesus in dawning joy, remembering the Scripture I had read. “Jesus is not in the tomb, He is right here with me! I am His dwelling place!”

As the truth of this sunk into me, I was filled with an intense desire to make my heart beautiful for Him, so I swung my arms up and I declared with joy, “I make it beautiful for You, comfortable, secure, restful, hidden. I give all this that is beautiful for You.” And the room was suddenly surrounded by layers and layers of white light like curtains or like feathers.

Then I sunk down into His arms shyly and said quietly, “This is Yours.”

I love it.

Jesus loves it! I said to myself in joy. He loves to be here with me! Jesus loves the place I make for Him! Greater joy filled me as I pondered this.

I love it, I died for this dwelling with you, it belongs to Me, Jesus said again, the meaning running like strong water through me.

February 3, 2016
“I’m just going to come right to You now, trusting in the Holy Spirit to guide me,” I confessed.

Come right ahead, Jesus replied, warmly.

Wordlessly opened my whole heart to Him. You are a blessing to Me, Jesus whispered. As He rested, I was watching Him, almost holding my breath- the contentment of His resting and the wonder of it! The peaceful, trusting stillness of Jesus in the light with His eyes closed, His head close to mine.

It dawned on me again, that I was this close to Jesus, to the One who had died for me, who had stretched out His arms on the cross and gave His life that I might be saved. “Savior!” I breathed.

Jenny! He answered, full of love.

“You know me by name,” I breathed, the wonder of it striking me all over again.

Sweetheart, Jesus replied, with loving and tender reproach, because of course.

February 7, 2016
Be of good cheer, it is I; do not be afraid, I remembered, and the outpouring of my abandoned worship of Jesus cannot be described, as I gladly welcomed Jesus to come in.

He was laughing from pure joy and Jesus was saying to me, you ravish, you ravish My heart.

And the dwelling where we were, I realized, is like that tabernacle where the great Shepherd of the sheep shelters His redeemed from the heat of the sun and where they drink of the springs of the waters of life.

Jesus' face was like a lamb in His gentleness, His peace, the meekness of His given love as He searched my face with His eyes, pure and gentle like still water. His love is perfectly to be trusted, He is gentle, meek and mild, pure and holy generosity, patient and tender. He is the bread of Heaven, broken, that is given for the life of the world, He is the One who is alive and was dead and is living now forevermore, the Lamb of God that prevailed as a Lion by laying down His life in perfect surrender, so He holds perfect and absolute authority over life and death and hades and heaven, having all judgment with His perfect sight and knowledge and given out from His pure, obedient, steadfast and incorruptible heart, because His desire is to do the will of His Father and He grasps at nothing, but gives Himself freely.

Jesus is all Life and Light, tender life that springs up like a shoot out of dry ground, the True Vine, the Light that makes things grow, that is the life of men, Jesus is that pure Life and Light that holds all tenderly and faithfully in its place, because He loves it and it is good as He declared it to be and He desires it to remain and to exist- by His goodwill, we exist, because of His love.

“I am bound to thank You just for my existence,” I whisper to Jesus, looking up at His face of open, pure and tender love. “Just that I exist, I am bound to worship, praise and thank You!”

Precious Jenny, He whispered. Precious pearl!

“I shelter You in my heart, I shelter You in my love,” I declared to Jesus, with tender, almost maternal love. “You should all the time be held in perfect, holy love, hidden and safe, peacefully resting in love- except that You are not a child, and I am wanting to cradle You like one!” I exclaimed realizing it, because I was in fact cradling His head and shoulders in my arms and bending down to His face as though I were singing over Him with love, and we were laughing from pure joy and it was so perceptible- the warm, affectionate and open tones of His laughter and I said in longing and in wonder, “One day, I will hear You laugh,” and spiritually, I felt His fingers gentle in my physical ears for a moment, and though He were unstopping them. “Ephphatha,” I whispered inwardly, eating His words.

I will see Him! I am walking toward Jesus in everything that I do. “And now I am coming to You,” I say to Jesus. I walk with Him, leaning on Him and abiding in His own Holy Spirit, my Paraclete, and I walk toward the fullness of seeing and knowing Jesus as He is.

Also, today is the seventh of February, so this entry is recorded on the perfect day of the second month, which is the day that this happened, as I am recording the worship which I was caught up in all during nap time, which lasted for over two hours. I notice numbers all the time now, I can’t help it.

February 10, 2016
Drank and drank and drank from His presence- Jesus Christ, the Life of the world, and my life, for I have no life in myself, He is my life and my Light and I abide in Him as a branch that cannot live apart from the source of its life.

Kept coming to Him, recognizing Jesus Christ, my Life, my Lord and my God and my Savior, at deeper and deeper levels- recognizing Him intuitively, joyfully, profoundly, clinging to Him with abandon, in relief and joy that cannot be expressed because finally, all is at rest and I have Him and everything is His and all I have is Him.

“Lord, I want You to do for me whatever I ask…” I asked in a quieter moment, and remembering that passage that I had been reading, and smiling, because Jesus knew and I knew what I would ask.

What do you want Me to do for you? He asked. I paused to relish the thought of it and the pleasure of asking, and so Jesus said again, What do you want Me to do for you, Beloved?

“Lord, grant that I might be as close to You as flesh and blood, as close as You are to the Father, one breath away from You, forever, and never to be separated and to be with You now.”

I give this to you.

So He does.


I know You, Lord Jesus, and I know what You want.

Come down, Lord of Glory!
Reveal to us Your beauty.
Open our eyes to see You, open our ears to hear.
Consume us with such holy longing and love for You
that, putting our hands to the plow, we cannot look back.
and being drawn to You, draw others along to You,
into liberty, into life abundant, into the Kingdom of Heaven.

The fields are white for the harvest.

Reap the earth, Lord Jesus!

Now those in their graves are hearing Your voice,

now with a loud cry You are calling them forth.

Look, Abba!

Those sons and daughters of Yours that were dead, are now alive!

They were lost and now are found.

They are coming down the road to You.

They are coming from the streets and lanes of cities-
poor and lame and maimed and blind
they are coming from the highways and the hedges-

They are coming compelled by love, bewildered by grace,
to be dressed in salvation and robed in righteousness,
kissed with peace and sealed to You.

Refined and consumed by love,
and looking straight to You, Lord Jesus,
we go out to them.