Friday, March 18, 2016

March 18th

In order to understand this grouping of journal entries, I must describe the way the inner rooms are laid out and what they look like. When I first began to see this place, it did not look like it does now. It was one room. However, in the months following, Jesus added one room and then one more, so now there are three.

The inner rooms make up one long, low house that is mostly open to the outside. The front of the house is one room that runs the whole length and has only one wall, which is the inner wall. This wall has one door set almost in the center. In front of this door is a couch and to the side of this door is a fountain set into the wall.

This fountain has three levels, each larger than the first, and the largest, third basin overspills into a pool set down into the floor of the room itself. One half of this fountain is in this front room and the other half is in the inner room, so the wall divides it. The wall is carved stone. This fountain is fairly new and I blogged about how it came about here.

To the right of the inner door is a kitchen area and to the left of the door is the fountain and a long empty space that leads to a grape trellis. Beyond the grape trellis is a garden and beyond that an oak tree and beyond are fields. On the other side of the house there are also fields that slope up a hillside where there are sheep. In front of the house is a long green lawn that has a brook running through it. This is the overflow from the front fountain.

On the back of the house are two rooms, one with an open ceiling made only of beams, and the outside walls are of pillars with fabric hanging between. On the outside of this room there was a rough wooden deck without a railing that overlooked a dense forest, but that forest has since become flooded with swamp water.

The other back room has a large pool set into the floor and. This pool is also a fountain, but it is fed from a spring underneath it. The water spills down three stone steps into a small pond that had been surrounded by thick underbrush, but that has since changed. The bushes retreated, making a clear straight path for the stream, and the small pond disappeared into the swamp waters. There is also a walled orchard that usually has apple trees; this is set back and to one side of the house.

I rarely see all this at once and most of the time I hardly see any of it. When I do see it, often something has changed. For a while, I was interested in the surroundings and when I was able, I would walk around and look at them when I was with Jesus. I don’t do this as much now, because usually all my attention is caught up by Jesus.

As usual, these things must be understood in a spiritual, symbolic way. Because of this, and because of the length of this post, especially with the links, many of which are to previous posts, I'm including this as a prayer:

Grace to you and peace [inner calm and spiritual well-being] from God our Father.

We give thanks to Abba, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, as we pray always-

Giving thanks because of our faith in Christ Jesus- how we lean our whole self on Him with absolute confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness, and of the unselfish love which we have been given from Jesus, and are growing in toward all the saints; and because of the confident hope of experiencing that which is reserved and waiting for us in heaven.

We previously heard of this hope in the message of truth, the good news of Jesus Christ regarding salvation which has come to us. Indeed, in the whole world the gospel is constantly bearing fruit and spreading by God’s power, just as it has been doing among us ever since the day we first heard of it and understood the grace of God in truth, and now becoming thoroughly and deeply acquainted with it. Our love is well-grounded and nurtured in the Holy Spirit.

For this reason, we have not ceased to pray and make special request, asking that we may all be filled with the full, deep and clear knowledge of His will, with all spiritual wisdom and comprehensive insight into the ways and purposes of God, and in understanding and discernment of spiritual things—

So that we may walk, live and conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the Lord Jesus through His Holy Spirit, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Jesus in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition of Him.

We pray that we may be invigorated and strengthened with all power according to the might of His glory, to exercise every kind of endurance and patience, perseverance and forbearance with joy, giving thanks to the Father, Who has qualified and made us fit to share the portion which is the inheritance of the saints, God’s holy people, in the Light.

The Father has delivered and drawn us to Himself out of the control and the dominion of darkness and has transferred us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in Whom we have our redemption through His blood, which means the forgiveness of our sins.

(Paraphrased from Colossians 1:9-14, AMPC)

Written almost one year ago, on April 13, 2015

I was leading Jesus into the next room when I realized I was doing that, and stopped and anxiously asked Him if He didn’t mind going there.

I don’t mind, He replied.

“I don’t want to be just leading You around disrespectfully..."

You’re not trusting My love, Jesus pointed out. I love you and so you may always assume that I want to be with you.

“But what if there’s somewhere else You want to be?"

You aren’t trusting My ability and authority. If there were something else I wished us to be doing or a place where I wished us to be, I would certainly tell you. Trust that and trust My love for you.

Written that same month, on April 27, 2015

Last night, I was with Jesus standing on the grass by the front room. All the ecstatic worship of Him that I had been consumed by over the past two days had quieted down.

The front room had risen higher than before, so that standing on the grass, the stone floor of the room appeared to be at the level of my waist. I was watching with pleasure the sunken pool in this raised floor, and the fall of water over the edge of the floor.

I saw golden fish in the water. They were charming, beautiful little fish, little pieces of brilliant life darting in the water.

“But I’m worried they’ll fall out of the pond and into the stream,” I said to Jesus.

Would that be a bad thing? Jesus asked, kindly.

I saw them falling out of the pool, falling through the curve of water and slipping and sliding down the brook and who knows where.

“No, not such a bad thing, but I want them safe,” I said to Jesus. “I want them to stay safe in the pool, all together. I could put in a wire mesh to keep them from falling out…”

I saw this wire mesh put over the opening, under the water and it seemed rather ugly to me but I thought, "But it could be beautiful..." I tried to make it ornate and beautiful, but it wouldn’t do that, even though I knew it was theoretically possible. It remained an ugly mesh.

“Maybe that shouldn’t be there,” I said to Jesus, and I felt His pleasure at this conclusion. “But I really feel like there should be something there, something for comfort and security, so they don’t just get swept on out unaware."

Then Jesus showed me how the opening through which the water flowed could rise up, so that only the top surface of the water slid out over it. Then He showed me that like salmon, if the fish wanted to leap out, they could easily slide right out over, but it wouldn’t happen without them deciding to- they wouldn’t simply get caught in the current and swept away.

“That is perfect, that is just right,” I said, in relief.

I walked up the step into the front room. As I did, I noticed the stepping stone- it was one piece of field stone, weathered and smooth. I thought it pleasing.

Once in the room, I crossed over the stepping stones through the fountain pool and so to the other side of the fountain. This was still empty space- like a stone floored hallway.

“I don’t like this,” I said to Jesus. Then it occurred to me that the things I was doing might have meaning in the outside world and I hesitated. “This has nothing to do with anything symbolic,” I said to Jesus, earnestly and He laughed.

Are you so sure? He asked, His eyes twinkling.

“No, I am not sure! But howsoever… I mean, whatever You want… however this works out...” I stopped in frustration, not able to say what I meant. “I mean, whatever You will, may that be done, whatever this might mean, I can’t constantly try to think about the meaning otherwise I’ll get caught up in knots. Let this be as You wish, however You wish it.”

Then I dropped the floor down and at first it was covered with cedar planks, which was nice, but not quite right and then it was paved with stones set into the grass and I was overjoyed at that.

“That is perfect, that is just right, thank You,” I said to Jesus. I stepped down the stairs to these pavers and into the space under the grape arbor. Under the grape arbor there is only clean, packed dirt.

“Should we change the floor in here?” I asked Jesus.

No, I like this floor as it is, He said and I remembered how we had made a cottage together and He wanted the floor in the cottage to be packed dirt.

“Of course,” I said. “I like it this way too. I like it just the way it is.”

I looked out through the grape vines, but the garden was drenched in so much sun and light and it seemed downright hot, like an August afternoon. I saw past the dusty, hot soil of the garden- it wasn’t dried out, just cleanly crumbling under the sun- I saw past that to the oak tree with the hammock set invitingly under the canopy of shade, everything peaceful and still.

But I didn’t want to step out into the glare of that light, so I stepped up into the inner room, but I changed nothing there and went out onto the back veranda. Here again the hot sunlight was falling down onto the bleached and rough planks of the open veranda and falling hot on the leaves and the marsh grasses and the still waters. I saw that the banks of forest had been pushed back some, allowing for more sunlight to pour down and that the edges of the forest were planted with bushes- blueberry bushes.

Turning, I looked down to what had been the koi pond and saw instead a large expanse of water shining with the sunlight, everything plunged into so much light, and I was confused by this, but when I got there, I saw that the trees that had hedged in that pool had risen up- I had forgotten that had happened. But rising up and making a clear pathway had opened the space to more sunlight and now everything was golden with the sun and quiet and still. I saw the water running thick and cool and strong over the stone steps from the inner fountain and into the still marshes.

We walked down the pathway over the round, smooth stones to the lake, but we didn’t stay there long. We went back to the front room and then to the road that leads to the quiet intersection in the middle of the woods. We walked down there and stood where the roads meet and where the black berries grow.

“Remember?” I asked Jesus shyly.

I remember, He assured me, smiling.

“I don’t remember it very well anymore, myself,” I admitted, sadly. “I only know I was here caught up in one of the most extraordinary and intoxicating times of worship and it was something precious and rich and unique.”

I remember it all, I remember it exactly. I keep it for you.

Content with that, as Jesus has told me this many times, I looked up at the road we had never gone- it was going up into golden light. Then I looked at the road that led into the palace, where I had gone only once before, which had led to the golden, round pavement with the olive tree in the center, and Jesus’ stone rooms around the outer edge. I remembered that in order to get there, I had passed through a grassy passage that was sunken down and hidden by overarching hedges of green, and had gone through two gates, or arches.

I thought, I need not go through such a convoluted pathway, though that was beautiful. I can simply go there. But here inner sight slipped away and soon after I fell asleep.

Last summer, on August 4, 2015

“Do You want to show me something?” I asked Jesus last night, because I was able to see farther than usual- I was seeing the whole front room.

Yes, He said.

My response was first reluctance and doubt, but I took His hand and put all that into His care and said, “If there is something You wish me to see and understand, than You are perfectly capable of showing me and I will trust You.”

Jesus smiled down at me and we walked through the inner room and down into the arbor. It was more beautiful than before, the top of the arbor arched instead of flat and it was thickly green. The air itself seemed thick and almost blue and when I looked out past the arbor and into the garden, I saw why.

“It’s raining!” I exclaimed. It was a nice, soft spring like rain and for a moment or two, I saw rain in many different ways, slanted, thick and dark.

Then my attention was drawn to the door of the orchard, so I went there and pushed against it, because it was hard to open again.

"Is it still overgrown?” I asked Jesus, in amazement.

Yes, He replied.

I was unable to open the door all the way, but enough for us to get through and inside, the grass was thick and tall, but humped over in that way that tall grass has when it has been through a storm or been flooded with water.

The trees were thick with green leaves, everything verdant, dripping with rain, branches outstretched, leaves everywhere. There were no blossoms or fruit, just thick green. Over the orchard wall, I could see the trees of the forest. They were moving in the wind and the wind and rain were also falling heavily in the orchard. It was a powerful wind and it was lashing the trees.

“It’s a storm!” I realized.

But it won’t touch you, Jesus assured me.

“No,” I agreed, surprised that He mentioned this, because I felt perfectly safe. I was standing only a step away from Jesus, but when He said this, I stepped right to His side and put my arms around Him and continued watching that way.

What I saw was a memory. Imposed over the wind lashed, silver grey sky, I saw red upturned earth and fallen trees and splintered branches through the trunks of a few remaining upstanding trees, which is the actual view from my upstairs window into the lot next door, as they have devastated that little bit of forest, preparatory to building some new housing.

There are a few remaining pine trees only because they are on our property, which extends out five feet from the fence line- which we didn’t realize until they came to do the surveying.

I saw this image of red earth and splintered trees superimposed over the sky and anytime I looked up, I saw it again. I looked down and went to the back door of the orchard. I reached up and touched the leaves of the tree, and realized that they were oak leaves, which was odd because normally, there are apple trees in the orchard.

We went out the back door and meandered down the wooded path. “Can I know if there a particular time or place when the storm will come?” I asked Jesus.

His only answer was the image I had seen before. “As You will,” I replied, leaning against Him. “You are sovereign and may tell me or not tell me and You know the plan. I do not have to worry. Besides which, I do not have very good spiritual sight. It’s probably not strong enough to support such specific information. My sight by faith is very good for eternal things like adoration, presence, communion and fellowship, but it is not very good for specific things like times and places.”

Jenny, I love you so much, Jesus replied, smiling down at me. Then He went on without words, but I will put it into words. He said, don’t you think it is possible that I might be including times and places within what you see, but that I am doing it through the symbols?

“Yes... That does seem quite like You, to be honest. And You and the Holy Spirit may do as You will with whatever I see, even when I do not understand it. I don't need to understand. I trust You and need only to follow You.”

Last fall, on October 25, 2015

(I have shared this- it's the second one down- in another collection of journal entries, and do not want to repost it again, but chronologically, it fits here.)

November 22, 2015

Last night, when I was with Jesus, I was longing for the ecstatic worship, but the anointing was not being given for it, and so I got up and moved around the inner room like I used to when I used to have this feeling before, and I found that the kitchen had changed. There was now a large, white refrigerator, which I realized at once must mean that I have increased my ability to retain or hold onto things like ideas and revelations, and then there was a large dishwasher, which I still can’t figure out, except it must have something to do with cleaning and what it cleans are dishes and what do dishes represent, but something one eats off of and eating is communion, so perhaps a greater capacity for consecration in my union with Jesus?

And then there was the sink, which was decorative and shaped like a sea shell and not practical that way, as it was shallow, but I realized most things would be washed in the dishwasher, so all the sink had to do was look pretty, which it certainly did and beside the sink was a utilitarian dish rack, looking a little incongruous, but I realized that also must have something to do with cleaning, only with drying or airing out.

Then I couldn’t see what came next, it was an unfocused blur, and Jesus asked me, what was there before? But I honestly couldn’t remember and then I said to Him, “You know, I don’t think there was anything there before!” But I couldn’t see it to be sure, and I let that go. If I can’t see it clearly yet, then it must be some future thing and I told Jesus, when I need to, I will see it then.

December 21, 2015

A few days ago, saw Jesus on the cross and threw my arms around His neck and pressed my cheek against His bloody face. “I accept,” I said to Him.

And He looked up and His eyes were like flashing lightening.

December 28, 2015

Was again physically on my knees thinking of the glory of Jesus and how overwhelming that is and will be and Jesus said to me tenderly and clearly, how do you know Me- how do I come to you and how to you relate to Me?

And I admitted, “I know You as my Husband in the house."

Yes, Jenny, that is your way of knowing Me.

Because Jesus doesn't want my reverent fear of Him, my awareness of His power and glory to overwhelm the trust and vulnerability that He built up between us for so long and that is sheltered within His new covenant, for which He paid a very high price.

Was thinking about my abuse history and then of Jesus' wounds and I remembered that innocent, purity and trust win because of the flawless Lamb of God slain before the foundation of the world. It can’t be lost; He already won. He had won from the beginning. Redemption triumphs.

Was with Jesus last night sitting on the front porch and saw the water running rapidly over the edge, because the raised side that Jesus had put in place was gone, so there was nothing stopping the outward flow of water. I was worried about the fish and I pointed out to Jesus that it was open, and I heard sluice gate, and again I said, “It’s open, all the fish will slide out!” And Jesus reminded me of my prayer, that I had sent them out and I was amazed.

January 2, 2016

What I wanted to record were three different times of being with Jesus in the inner room, none of which I’ve had time to write down yet.

The first time, I saw the water of the lower basin of the fountain spill out in a second, new way. There was now a channel of water flowing through the floor toward the grape trellis. It flowed through the channel it made, runs down the steps and through the pavers with the grass that Jesus had put there for me. The water went through that into what had been packed earth under the trellis and filled it entirely, so that it’s not earth at all. It’s water- deep, deep water.

When I stood and looked down, I saw stone walking steps appear so that I could walk across under the trellis and over the water to the garden which is beyond. But as I was walking over with Jesus, I looked down into the water and I saw the Holy Spirit moving through the depths. I realized the water must be deep and wide beyond my comprehension. I thought of the Holy Spirit hovering over the waters, only in this case, it’s the Holy Spirit moving through the holy depths.

The second time I was in the rooms, I saw this again and realized that indeed, the new channel of water and the depthless pool under the trellis are the new shape of the room, which means that there are now three streams of water running out from or in the house. The only side of the house that doesn't have a stream is the one toward the upper fields.

The third time was last night. I was there with Jesus and was standing in the inner, back room and He was carrying in His arms and we were laughing about something, which I can’t remember now.

He set me on my feet and I went to the back to look over the swamp and I saw that the bushes and the trees were withering and looking horrible. I felt annoyed and angry at the spreading swamp water. For a long time, I'd been watching and wondering about this, wondering what it could mean, but now I thought, enough was enough. It can't go damaging and killing bushes and trees. That can't be right.

I went into the room with the large pool- the one that Jesus showed me years ago and has been there ever since- and I saw that the clear waters were still spilling down the steps into what had been the koi pond but was now this expanse of yellowish swamp water.

I knelt down at the steps to look closer and saw how the fountain water made a little clear space as it entered the swamp, and I wanted the water to rush out and cleanse all the swamp and push all the murky water away, and I thought surely it must do that. Then I remembered suddenly the verse about how the ground swallowed the waters up and I thought, that’s even better, let that happen!

And I don’t know how to explain it, but I insisted that it must happen as it was written, because it is the word of God, and the waters were sucked down at once and were gone, immediately. Instead was thick, green grass and I knew immediately that it was thick because it was well fertilized by the receding swamp water. I went out on it and tread over the grass and danced on it and I declared that through the blood of Jesus Christ, the murky waters had to retreat and decompose and become rich fertilizer for even greater beauty and lead to even greater life, by the cross of Jesus Christ and through His resurrection, and Jesus was walking with me on the grass and I saw the bushes had disappeared and instead was a red maple tree.

“It’s beautiful,” I said.

You did this, Jesus said, looking down at me with His dancing eyes, because He was partly teasing me, because He knows I don't like to think about it that way.

“I didn’t, You did. If it wasn’t for You, I couldn’t do anything,” I insisted.

But you did it, He repeated, reminding me that I had taken action. All the power and all the truth of it is in Jesus Himself, but I had done something out of and based on those things that are His.

The red maple tree retreated back into the woods and a sheltered grove opened up for it and it’s there yet, in a clear space of deep green and the back deck became cedar wood and not rough wood and everything looks rich and beautiful.

Later, I was still thinking about this and wondering about what it meant that Jesus insisted I did it. I was shown Moses striking the rock and the water pouring out. Immediately I understood that Moses lifted the staff and brought it down- he did that, but it was God that brought the water gushing out.

So Jesus was saying that I took action that He filled with His power, but then I was worried about the example I was shown, because in that case, Moses never should have struck the rock- he was supposed to speak to it, but he lost his temper, and it led to a terrible consequence for him and I was anxious about why that example was used to explain this to me, as there are many examples in the Bible that show people doing something in response to God, and the Holy Spirit could have chosen any one of them.

Jesus assured me that I hadn’t done anything wrong, but that example was shown as a serious caution never to act out of frustration or anger, but only to act in obedience to and in accordance with the Holy Spirit.

January 24, 2016

Saw the water rushing with great force down the steps of the pool, went and looked and it was with great force going down, and the koi pond below was larger in the green grass and the stream from it was rushing like white water after the glaciers melt in the spring and this water was surging into the green lake. When I went into the lake, I could feel the force of the stream as it entered the lake. Was swimming and went under the bank and saw all the root ends of the great trees above and how they all drank from the lake.

Went down through the tunnel and shot out the other side where it emerges with great force from the cliff face there, and fell down with it, with a great splash into the pool and Jesus was with me, and He was exuberant, laughing, sparkling with the water, brilliant with light, shining with joy, and He swung me up in His arms and the force of His love and joy was as great as that of the rushing water.

We followed the steam down to the beach where it runs through wooded hills and into the ocean and we walked down to the beach, remembering.


O Zion,You who bring good tidings,
Get up into the high mountain;
O Jerusalem,
You who bring good tidings,
Lift up your voice with strength,
Lift it up, be not afraid;
Say to the cities of Judah, “Behold your God!”

Behold, the Lord God shall come with a strong hand,
And His arm shall rule for Him;
Behold, His reward is with Him,
And His work before Him.
He will feed His flock like a shepherd;
He will gather the lambs with His arm,
And carry them in His bosom,
And gently lead those who are with young.

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand,
Measured heaven with a span
And calculated the dust of the earth in a measure?
Weighed the mountains in scales
And the hills in a balance?
Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord,
Or as His counselor has taught Him?
With whom did He take counsel, and who instructed Him,
And taught Him in the path of justice?
Who taught Him knowledge,
And showed Him the way of understanding?

Behold, the nations are as a drop in a bucket,
And are counted as the small dust on the scales;
Look, He lifts up the isles as a very little thing.
And Lebanon is not sufficient to burn,
Nor its beasts sufficient for a burnt offering.
All nations before Him are as nothing,
And they are counted by Him less than nothing and worthless.

To whom then will you liken God?
Or what likeness will you compare to Him?
The workman molds an image,
The goldsmith overspreads it with gold,
And the silversmith casts silver chains.
Whoever is too impoverished for such a contribution
Chooses a tree that will not rot;
He seeks for himself a skillful workman
To prepare a carved image that will not totter.
Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?

It is He who sits above the circle of the earth,
And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers,
Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in.
He brings the princes to nothing;
He makes the judges of the earth useless.
Scarcely shall they be planted,
Scarcely shall they be sown,
Scarcely shall their stock take root in the earth,
When He will also blow on them,
And they will wither,
And the whirlwind will take them away like stubble.
“To whom then will you liken Me,
Or to whom shall I be equal?” says the Holy One.

Lift up your eyes on high,
And see who has created these things,
Who brings out their host by number;
He calls them all by name,
By the greatness of His might
And the strength of His power;
Not one is missing.
Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
Have you not known?
Have you not heard?

The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
-Isaiah 40:9-31 NKJV