September 16th

April 29, 2016

Saw something on warfare and knew, just from looking at it, that it would be a challenge to read and absorb, and boy, I really paused and I asked Jesus and really listened, because Jesus has many times enriched, encouraged and confirmed things in my walk with Him through things written by the author, and so I have a lot of respect towards them, and trust the things they share. My pressing question was, do I need to know this, is this the time I need to start learning this, in order to be informed, or is this something I can leave with Jesus as I have always done? Because Jesus has yet to begin to train me or to teach me about such weighty matters.

Received a lot of jumble, but I pushed through that and waited on Jesus with expectation and the Holy Spirit firmly and clearly drew my mind to how David could not wear Saul’s armor, as it didn’t fit him. It wasn’t that the armor was wrong or not helpful for Saul, but it just wasn’t right for David.

The Holy Spirit reminded me that He had taught me this lesson once before- that this had applied to me then and it still applies to me now. That armor, no matter how helpful or how strong or how well crafted, is not going to fit on me and will make me clumsy and slow.

Then I remembered that the road where we bought land and where our new house will be built has a name that means a small stone. The Holy Spirit lit it right up; that there had been a meaning all along, and here it was. All I need are small stones, because the battle belongs to the Lord and it’s His victory.

I had had to stay very strong in faith, actually, regarding the name of the road, as silly as that sounds, because we had wanted to buy a house on a street named Skyview. I really thought that was meant to be. When we lost the deal, I had to remain firm that this was working out for the best, and not something good that had been stolen. And now here was confirmation of that faith.

There might come a time when I am able to absorb some weightier teachings, but if I try to take it on before I am ready, not only will I likely face failure, but I won't learn the critical lesson that comes first. David likely did wear armor in other battles, but the lesson of the first one was foundational.

(When I went on line to read later, here was one of the first things I read.)

May 9, 2016

Was praying, “You will teach us Your word and way, just as You taught Your disciples,” and it struck me suddenly and with great glory that I was saying this to Jesus Himself and in His presence and I went down on my face before Him and kissed His feet, hearing the phrase in wonder again and again, because it is true, it is true, it is true- Jesus is teaching us His word and way, just as He taught His disciples! He does do this.

“Your feet alone are enough,” I declared, and really, it is true! Just to be in His presence! Just to know oneself to be with Jesus! And then yet to kiss His feet!

Not enough, Jesus replied firmly, and I knew what He meant- He meant that was not enough for Him and not enough for me according to His abundant love, so in a burst of love and obedience, I stood and threw my arms around His shoulders and buried my face in His shoulder and my whole spirit went up in a flame of ecstasy, and I saw nothing but the light.

Continued praying, reached, “You will give us understanding…” and saw Jesus again, His light filled face, luminous, joyous and tender, and He reminded me with just the briefest of touches in my mind and immediately I acknowledged, “According to Your Holy Spirit, Who guides us into the truth…”

As I was praying this, Jesus put both His hands on my head. I took hold of His wrists and closed my physical eyes and rested deeply in the joy and the tenderness and the light of the presence of Jesus Christ my beloved Lord- He will give us understanding. He is the Wisdom of God.

Reached: “So that we may walk, live and conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of You, Lord Jesus through Your Holy Spirit, fully pleasing to You and desiring to please You, Lord Jesus, in all things, bearing fruit in every good work and steadily growing and increasing in and by the knowledge of God with fuller, deeper, and clearer insight, acquaintance, and recognition of Him…”

“According to the honor of Your name, that Your name might be honored- answer this prayer so that Your name might be hallowed!” I prayed, and as I was praying this, John Belt’s song, Miracle, came on the play list (I listened to the album with this song while I prayed through a set prayer each night), and the words, "Open our eyes to see You, open our ears to hear..." were resonating in this song.

I realized that I was far from the only one praying that the Lord reveal His glory, His love and His salvation, and to grow in the knowledge of God- to hallow His name. Countless people in the Body of Christ are praying for this and have prayed for this, and that I was one prayer caught up in a large stream of prayer and worship and longing and adoration that was from all over the world, and also reaching back in time, that was all rising up to Heaven in a surge.

My prayer grew stronger in faith because of this, and also, because I was given a glimpse of the heart of the Lord Jesus and I rose up and I cried out with force of faith and fierce joy and declaration, “Hosanna! Hosanna!"

Meaning- I am asking You to save us because I know You will! I am asking in pure joy because I know You will! You will save! You will save! You will save to the highest, abundantly save!” And I drove a stake down in the earth, it seemed to be heavier than usual and costly.

Jesus took hold of my hand and swung me out and though this startled me, I trusted Him and let myself be swung out to the full extent of His arm and then He pulled me, with a twirl, back close to Him and stepped back and swung me with Him, and I realized in a burst of surprised joy, that Jesus was dancing with me. I gave myself over to it and danced with Him.

May 10, 2016

His tallit over His head, the material unusually thin, the light shining through, and the thickness of His beard and the sheen of sweat on His forehead and wrists and hands, unwrapping crumbling cheese from damp, thin pieces of cloth and praying over it in Hebrew like a chant, praying with His entire concentration, blessing God who gave Him food and eating it with thin bread and olives.

Then watching Him walk down the road in the heat of the day, weary. Then Jesus was being crucified, only I could barely watch, because of it was brutal, amid the broken, sharp shards of rock, in the heat, with the blood and the cries of His agony- so unbearably human, the groans of human pain that can’t be held in any more, in the place where many had been crucified, and many afterward, a long line of brutality and torture so that to the Roman soldiers, they are entirely desensitized, and realized all His life, Jesus must have seen such things off in the distance, the violence that surrounded Him all His earthly life, the corruption and darkness of a false kingdom and the domination and brutality and drunkenness of the Roman forces and between them, the Jewish people, mostly poor, oppressed, waiting desperately for their Messiah.

His crucifixion was terrible and I could see it only in glimpses. I was seeing this, but He was also with me, and so I kept holding Jesus’ hand to my face, reminding myself that it had already happened and would never happen again.

Jesus was a man of flesh and blood, a fully human person. He lived and breathed and spoke aloud and lived in a particular place, with a particular culture at a particular time in history and that time in history was dark and brutal, and His body was frail and human. The moments of His life were human moments, though Jesus was filled with the Holy Spirit without measure or limit, being very God, the visible representation of the invisible God.

Physically they saw Yeshua. They saw Him in the flesh, the apostles. Three days after the crucifixion, they saw a Man of flesh and blood, the Son of Man, walk right through the locked door into that stuffy, fear filled room and say, peace be with you, in their own language, in the voice they knew so well. And then He ate broiled with the hands that had been nailed to the cross. He was the same Man that they had seen crucified, the same Son of Man that told the paralytic, “Your sins are forgiven you.”

Yeshua was sitting there in a house in Capernaum, present in living flesh and blood, about thirty years old. He spoke this aloud in a voice with the recognizable accent of a particular language. He spoke this to a particular person who had been desperate to hear it and somehow knew that he could hear it from Jesus.

When some sitting there in the crowded room questioned to themselves, who is this Man who is forgiving sins, Yeshua looked right at them through the dust still falling from the outrageous hole in the ceiling, and He read their thoughts. He knew the thoughts of the men around Him and He directly and unequivocally addressed them.

He told the paralytic to rise up and walk. There is a paralyzed man, crippled all his life, crippled right there on the mat, the limit of his world, and when Jesus turned and spoke to him, he gathered his no longer stick thin and useless limbs under him and stood up in the room. Right then, he stood up. No wonder the fear of God must have fallen on that place. No wonder they glorified God. What could this mean, they must have asked.

Then Jesus returns from the dead, resurrected, leaving the cramped, stone tomb empty, as He had said He would, and sends them out into the world to preach the gospel-the very good news, the declaration of a new Kingdom, one that springs uniquely out of Jewish history, prophecy and from their God, who is the one and only Living God- that the salvation of the Jews has arrived and surprise, it is not just for them, but for everyone!

We are ransomed from sin and death, we are led out of Egypt into the Promised Land, we are freed from bondage, our Liberating King has arrived and guess what, His Kingdom of not of this world, though it has come and is coming in this world; He is the Son of Man, the very One who is brought to the side of the Eternal One, who receives the Kingdom and all the nations also, but we can’t see it unless we are born again, spiritually born again.

“How could You do it?” I whispered to Jesus, seeing sharply the contrast between His life as the Living Word of God, the Glory and Wisdom of God, and His life on earth, with sweat and blood and tears, the hardship, the suffering, the humbling- just of daily life at that time in human history, let alone the cross!

I love you, Jesus simply replied, and I knew He meant not just me, but that Jesus loved mankind, because they are the pinnacle of His creation, the delight of His heart, His sons and daughters, always meant to display His glory and to be in an endless relationship of divine love.

May 19, 2016

Had read about how Jesus fed the five thousand and then made His disciples get into the boat and then sent the multitudes away Himself and there was an asterisk by the word “made” and it explained that the meaning was also “strongly urged.”

Then I was looking at the Bible, but I was also seeing Jesus and His disciples on the hillside in the early evening light, and they are saying with concerned faces and with the strong, uninhibited emotion of the Middle Eastern temperament, “But Rabbi! But Master! Let us stay and help!”

And Jesus is almost herding them down the hill with equally intense gestures and a strong voice, gathering them up as though they were sheep and all but putting them in the boat and stepping into the water and getting His robe wet almost to the knee. He doesn’t even notice the water dragging at His clothes, He pushes the boat and the disciples out and standing there, He lifts His hand in brief farewell and they are looking at Him, their faces forlorn and worried, still wishing He was going with them or that they could stay and help Him.

Then Jesus turned again to go up the hillside to dismiss the multitudes. His face was commanding and strong, with a stern brow, only He wasn’t angry, He was just that focused. He turned and looked at me, and Jesus’ eyes flashed like lightening in that glance that went all the way through me, recognizing me.

“Jesus,” I whispered, in awe.

I’m right here, you are close to Me, He answered. Only I didn’t see Jesus say this, I was seeing Him walking on up the hill.

He sent the multitudes away, but these He sent away with great compassion, stopping to touch a child’s cheek, to speak to this one or to that one, to listen to something, guiding them gently, gathering them up and sending them on their way, endlessly patient despite His exhaustion.

Then He went up the hillside, with an urgent, pressing need to pray, to pour out His heart regarding all that had happened. He sank to His knees and then collapsed on His side, immediately in a trance as heavy as sleep, only He wasn’t sleeping, He was in heaven, soaking in His Father the way I soak in Him, only to a far greater degree, to the perfect degree, lost in His Father’s embrace and marinating in His ineffable, perfect love and peace.

The hours for Jesus passed like minutes and when He rose up at the fourth watch of the night, He was revitalized and charged with the power of Holy Spirit, and that He walked straight from the shore onto the surface of the water seemed almost inevitable.

Then we were in Nazareth. It appeared quite different from before. It was dusty and cramped, the streets as narrow as sidewalks and dirty, and everything hot in the sun. A herd of haphazard sheep went down the street through the town, their fleece raggedly looking, thick and tangled and full of dust and twigs, and then some goats came through, with their sleek fur and slit eyes, both flocks going down the streets somewhere with boys tending them.

Jesus was there. He was almost unbearably human- humble, hidden, ordinary looking, a serious young man slow to speak, who has been aged by years of life in quiet, hard labor, without much extra. His eyes were pure and gentle, clear all the way and all of it love. His heart was pounding.

May 29, 2016

Was praying, saw and discarded several intense, awful images by soaking in the phrases:

“…because You have won the victory for us, Lord Jesus,

triumphing over them through the cross.

Your name is above all names that can be named…”

Fell at the Lord’s feet in gratitude and relief, letting all the weariness of the day pass out of me as I lay there with my head on His feet, knowing His name is above all names, and that the Lord Jesus Christ has won the victory for us, triumphing over our enemies through the cross.

Then went on praying, found my thoughts drifting off into eddies of self-pleasing introspection, became aware I was doing that, and cast that off. It’s so easy to do! Realized that I had been attacked again, but this time in a different manner, and became aware of how pressing on either side are the dangers, but also, how faithful, how completely faithful and pure and steadfast is the Holy Spirit, who never lets me drift down those eddies of potential spiritual pride, but wakes me to them each time and I realized that the Holy Spirit is always and ever with me, always to guide me along.

In relief and in gratitude and love, I curled up in the arms of the Holy Spirit and sunk down into His embrace and nestled my head upon His shoulder and rested there deeply, letting myself soak in His light and love and steadfastness, resting in His faithfulness.

Then I paused to write this down. Then I went back to praying and the next line of the prayer was this:

“Therefore, let the words of our mouths and the meditation of our hearts

be always pleasing in Your sight, Lord Jesus Christ, our Rock and Redeemer.”

Amen! Let it be so.

Was praying, “Giving thanks because of our faith in You, Christ Jesus…” and genuinely thanking Him for my faith, and realizing how many others do not have faith in Him, how they are lost and adrift, blinded and buffeted at every side by fear, anxiety and lack, and I began to pray and implore Jesus to save them according to His own desire for them- because what if I was still lost in the darkness! What if that were me? Wouldn’t I want someone to pray passionately to Jesus to draw me to Him? I would. And doesn't Jesus long for them Himself? He does.

Was praying for Abba to draw them to Himself, and was searching for some words I could use of His to pray this by, and found the next line- “…how You teach us to lean our whole selves on You with absolute confidence in Your power, wisdom, and goodness…"

So I prayed, “According to Your power, according to Your wisdom, Lord, according to Your goodness,” and actually, I was saying these words to the angels, who wait to hear His word spoken here on earth, in order to go forth, so I was speaking to Jesus, and also to them with great passion- according to His goodness, go forth! According to His wisdom and power, go forth to open the eyes of the blind!"

They did go out, but I still felt like I wanted to continue praying, and was overjoyed when I reached this part: “Indeed, in the whole world the gospel is constantly bearing fruit and spreading by God’s power…”

Filled with joy at the authority of those lines, I cried out to the angels, which I could not see, but I know are there, “Go forth according to this word! According to this word may it be done! Here is the word- “In the whole world, the gospel is constantly bearing fruit and spreading by God’s power!” Now may it be done!”

And that was a much greater rush, an intense and purposeful going out, a joyous going out.

Then I reached this part: “The Father has delivered and drawn us to Himself out of the control and the dominion of darkness and has transferred us into the kingdom of the Son of His love…”

And I went to pray again for salvation for the lost according to that word also, but I was restrained by the lightest of spiritual touch that I felt as though on my shoulder, and the touch conveyed a swift, wordless understanding. Both the touch and the understanding were from an angel, and that which was conveyed was that my prayer had already been answered, and to ask it again was a lack of faith that it had been done, and that now I should thank the Father for answering and praise Him and worship Him for listening and responding.

Which I did, and quickly! “I praise You and I thank You, Father, for saving them! For delivering and drawing us out of the darkness and into Your Kingdom…”

And I felt much delight at this quick understanding and willing response to the message conveyed, which was faith in the Lord and worship of the Father. Then I wrote all this down.

Was praying and reached: "Now Jesus Christ is the exact likeness of the unseen God..." And my understanding was opened to understand that in a way I had never before.

Then I went to pray the Lord’s prayer, and as I clasped my hands, I realized that as I was praying to Our Father in Heaven, that Abba showed Himself in the person of our Lord Jesus Christ, and that is Abba to whom I am praying, and my faith and my love went out into previously unknown dimensions, and tears were pooling in my eyes from joy and relief and I was saying again and again, “Our Father, Our Father!”

Jesus was reaching down out of heaven above me- He was all I could see- He was reaching down His hands toward me, His face full of pure light and love- tender, overflowing, joyful. I took His hands and bowed my head and put His hands against my forehead in adoration.

And then I pulled all my strength together and said, “Hallowed by thy name!” and knowing for the first time, in this much more comprehensive way, that to hallow the name of the Father is to lift up and glorify the Son Jesus Christ.  I was crying from the joy and I was hearing Halleluiah! Halleluiah! as if a whole chorus were crying it out in joy, and I was fiercely crying out with them, “Halleluiah! Halleluiah!” I was hearing this and declaring this and crying, and the song, Miracle was playing again just as I was at that point in the prayer, and so I was also hearing, “Open our eyes to see You, open our ears to hear.”

Reached, “…but deliver us from evil…” which sometimes I must pause to pull all my faith and understanding together to ask with full faith that it is being answered even as I ask it, but this time, again, on the verge of tears, I realized that it had already been answered in the cross of Christ! I was praying to the One who had already delivered us from evil! Who had triumphed over it through the cross. So my faith was effortless and went immediately into praise and worship of the Lord Jesus Christ, who has delivered us from evil. It is done.

That night, was praying for some in the body of Christ, that He answer their prayers and reward their faith which has sometimes been almost a lifetime in keeping, and I saw this huge double grid of what looked like massive iron beams crisscrossing both above and below and they were stretching out over the whole length of creation’s history, and they were the plans of God that He holds in place and that are immoveable.

Seeing this, I knew we do not ever have to be discouraged, because our lives are upheld and woven into the plans that Abba laid down from the beginning and that extend into the culmination. We can rest out faith on that like a rock.

*

How joyful are those who fear the Lord—
    all who follow his ways!
You will enjoy the fruit of your labor.
    How joyful and prosperous you will be!

-Psalm 128:1-2, NLT
(The verse on my calendar for September 16)