December 24,
2016
"Here I am," I
confessed, opening the arms of my spirit, having no excuse for the jumble of annoying
thoughts I'd just been caught up in, but remembering and then choosing Jesus.
He caught me up in His arms of love, laughing.
"I cried in the car," I told Him, thinking of Jesus, with perfect wholeness of His innocence, and that innocence torn apart and ruined on the cross as He bore the weight of every heinous, horrible sin, became sin! Not just any sin, but my sin! Because He loved me.
"I cried in the car," I told Him, thinking of Jesus, with perfect wholeness of His innocence, and that innocence torn apart and ruined on the cross as He bore the weight of every heinous, horrible sin, became sin! Not just any sin, but my sin! Because He loved me.
Precious one!
"Look!" I
exclaimed, opening my arms. "Look what You have done- You have made me whole,
made me new, made me alive!"
Perfect, Jesus declared.
Perfect, Jesus declared.
Jesus
receives a new and innocent bride, His own perfect flesh and blood,
through His Passion- He brought us up with Him in His resurrection. We see it
in our spirit man now, but in the end, soul and body also will be renewed and
transformed.
*
I saw massive
interlocking gears being pulled by draft horses leaning hard into their
harnesses, all of them pulling steady one step at a time, each in different
places. The gears were extremely heavy, and loomed larger than the horses and
were lying horizontal on the ground, stretching out beyond my sight, the size
to cover continents.
I knew the
horses were intercessors and workman in the Kingdom who'd given their lives in
service to see breakthrough and revival. I knew there were generations of them
who had spent their lives pulling. I knew the gears stretched out over years
and years of time.
“They must be
pulling that way because it's the plan of the Father to get each piece
aligned,” I said to Jesus. I knew once
the prearranged alignment was reached, the gears would release into a movement
of power beyond my ability to comprehend, and even though it appeared to each
person that they were barely achieving movement, each step was needed and in time and in synch with the
larger picture.
December 30,
2016
“Here I am.”
Jenny, I love you.
“I see how my
growing up in you is like You- as a sprout out of dry ground, alone, having no
beauty...”
Yes, Jenny, He confirmed.
December 31,
2016
When I was
with Him, was praying the Lord redeem His church from all her trouble, and as I prayed, I saw that to pray for this is the same as praying for right alignment from the vision I had seen. To pray that way is to pull in the harness.
I made bare
my soul in confession and the expression on His face changed to something like
sadness- because I had already done that, and now is the time to trust Him and be
glad in Him, so immediately, I sang, “What can wash me white as snow? Nothing
but the blood of Jesus!”
Jesus is one
person, He is the same Person, He has the same personality each time. Jesus is
tender and innocent as a lamb. “I love You, Lamb of God,” I whispered, putting
my cheek to His- meaning exactly Jesus, exactly as He is.
*
"I love You,
You One," I declared to Jesus. "You of the same smile, the same laughing glance
of the eye, the same work worn hands, the same shoulders. It's You that I love,
You Lamb of God- You are my Lord and my God, my only One, my everything- You and You
alone."
Most precious heart, Jesus declared, catching me close in His
arms.
*
Record that.
“How shall
I?” I asked, because so much of my prayer had been an almost wordless outpouring, but
I tried:
“Give me the desires of my heart, Lord Jesus, give me the desires of
my heart and so give me strength to be Yours and only Yours always and to
remain holy and chaste and to have only You and to glorify You and to love You
as You are meant to be loved!”
Massive amounts of His power and life where pouring into me like ecstasy as I was praying this.
His eyes are gentle as doves and see everything.
Don't look away, Jesus whispered, when I dropped my eyes in wonder. Behold, your Friend.
Abide, Jesus commanded, when in overwhelmed prayer I reached out to Him.
“You are more than just my Friend, I whispered, when I could be with Him again, feeling quite shy. “You are my heart's deepest desire.”
January 1, 2017
“You set it up for Your glory to be shown,” I said to Jesus confidently, by faith, about the situation.
Immediately, into my mind came gentle the remembered scene of Jesus passing by the blind man and Him saying- that the glory of God might be revealed in him.
Had another vision while I was worshipping at His feet and saying, "Be satisfied, be satisfied, have to the fullest what You deserve," by which I meant, have the entire church in unity worshipping and glorifying Jesus, pouring out praise and love in many voices all worshiping Him in love.
And as I was saying this, I was seeing thin sheets of crystal clear water washing down a cream colored, smooth beach, the sheets of waters shining with light, overlapping, expanding, sheet after sheet sliding down in opening fan shapes and my vision lifted upward and outward, and I saw the sheets of water were going into the ocean and the ocean was full of waves of glistening shimmering light and above the ocean, a sky of massive white and gold clouds with the light streaming through, and it got brighter and the brightness almost had a sound, which seemed to be getting louder and I lifted my physical head in growing anticipation and the sky was taking up all my spiritual sight, and suddenly the vision was gone.
January 3, 2017
Caught up in prayer for healing for the Body, internal wounds and bruises and friendly fire, that His balm pour down over the Body, the oil of His love, the cleansing of His blood, that He bind up the broken hearted so there might be a healed and healthy unity in the Body.
Saw myself lumping along, rejected, sad- for one moment considered the attractive pull of self pity, then rejected it completely by nudge of Holy Spirit, lifted my eyes to Jesus, poured out praise for His perfect, good work in my life that leads to a perfect, good end. Whatever sad things happen is a set up for His glory to be displayed.
Caught up in a warm, strong tide of His love, clung to Jesus, clung with all my strength, letting His life and goodness soak into me, releasing all other things as I clung to His strong, familiar shoulders in loving relief. “Holy, holy, holy,” I breathed in worship.
Late in the night or early in the morning, had been pouring out love on His merciful heart- His heart aches, and His mercy is costly as the cross and the horrible things that He feels with us cause Him such pain, and yet His mercy still flows- its new every morning, so I lavish love and comfort and gratitude toward His heart, bathing His heart in love, and worshipping Jesus for His goodness and mercy most precious.
*
Worship is to freely give back to Jesus with gratitude everything that He gave to us, which is everything.
Held Jesus tightly, felt His peaceful breathing, the rise and fall of His solid chest. Holding on to Jesus is so satisfying, it's like eating.
Oh My Jenny, He whispered.
"You are the compassionate One," I declared to Jesus in faith, thinking of His tender, merciful heart, and handing Him all the pain and sadness of my past that I had been thinking about.
Jenny, My Jenny, He murmured, taking the burden away and gathering me up in His arms.
January 22, 2017
What did you see?
I had seen a glimpse of the new space. "But I don't feel worthy to be there."
Jenny, have you forgotten grace or the power of My blood, which washes you and is sufficient for you?
He said my name, the rest I understood without words, and the lyrics of the song Grace Wins were running through my mind: There's a war between guilt and grace, fighting over a sacred space. Grace wins every time. A sacred space, kept repeating in my mind. And I remembered how that shameful, insufficient feeling only goes away when I rest in Jesus' arms and breathe Him in and let His presence wash over and through me.
"Okay," I said, then wrote all this down.
Saw His face- again and again I rested my eyes on His face. Once, saw His eyes were closed and as I watched, He opened His eyes. Jesus was looking right at me with His gentle gaze, and I saw His eyes change shape slightly as He smiled, laugh lines appearing at the corners.
“And there will be no doubt, only You, You pure hearted holy Son of God, and there will be no break from Your presence, and when I wake I am still with You! When I wake I am still with You!”
I love you so much, you precious girl!
"Who am I, that You would save me?"
My beloved.
"How is it that You let me be with You?"
I shed My blood for you.
January 23, 2017
Still going to Jesus in that new space, but it requires a greater leap, more trust in His grace, and a greater commitment to faith and His presence. I must be all in.
I went to the inner rooms, that little house build by the hills, and it did seem small but beloved. And there were all the things I loved and that He gave me, or that we made together- the couch, the fountain with the fish and frogs and lily pads, the furniture, the water.
"Here is where we used to be," I told Jesus, holding His hand tightly. His smile was full of tenderness. "I don't understand about where we are now- how it is connected to here, or where it is in relation to this," I admitted, hoping Jesus would explain, but He did not and my mind was coming up with solutions that were too cramped. I'm not even going to try and figure it out, I decided. "I don't need to know, I just need to accept and be there with You," I said to Jesus. He didn't say anything, but I knew it was right because of the peace that filled me and we went to the greater space, the room of light.
And that's the way it has been. I saw a glimpse of the landscape beyond the pillars where the light streams in, and it was like an English manner house in the country, only saturated with light, all the colors were seen through streams of light. Everything is luminous but solid. It's a gentle landscape, the lawn stretching away. The distances are too much to contemplate, and I haven't attempted to explore, because I already know I'm not ready to comprehend it.
"I in You and You in me and You in the Father," is what I have said to Jesus in that space.
So much with me! Jesus, when He is at home, when He is at ease and has no business to care for, in a manner of speaking, because of course He is always and constantly running things- He is all gentleness, and He is quiet, and His eyes are alive with feeling.
"Nothing but the pure air of heaven," I tell Jesus. No distortion of soul, no disturbances, no doubt- nothing but the untainted, pure air and seamless, endless, tangible Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God. Jesus always, truly there. "And when I wake, I am still with a You," I tell Him.
Last night tears gathered at His eyes and spilled over. "Don't cry, beloved Jesus," I told Him, gathering them up in my fingers. They were like water held for a moment in my fingers and slipping through. I kissed His temple where the tears had yet to dry. Sometimes I am crying, though this does not happen physically. But sometimes it seems a river of tears pour from my eyes at the intense relief and joy of being with Jesus.
"Your own knows nothing but You, has no memory except of You, sees nothing but what You show her and trusts You with everything," I tell Jesus earnestly. "The soul is healed, my soul is whole and wholly innocent in Your presence, and I know only You. Take even the memories of anything else and seal any wounds and take for Yourself everything that is me and mine, because I was made for You. All that I am is made for You. Take from me even the memories of lesser things and let me have and know only You."
Jesus is wholly worthy to be loved and I cannot reach the absolute heights of love that are due Him, but Jesus is gracious, generous and loving that He does not hold this against me and it does not cause offense in Him, but He cherishes my love such as it is and pours out love in return, greater than what He is receiving.
"You need the whole loaf," I said to Him once. Jesus is worthy of the worship, love and adoration of the whole Body, the worship and thanks of every created thing, and the endless love and delight of the Father and the Spirit, Who have always delighted in Him.
Jesus' heart is pure, it's a pure channel of endless obedience, love and perfection toward His Father, and Jesus delights to give Himself away. He truly is the Bread of Heaven, given for the world, and the Tree of Life that we may eat from, and the fountain of Living Waters that we may drink from, and the true Vine that we may endlessly take life from. Jesus is constantly giving Himself, and one can go deeper and deeper into this through love. It must be love, holy, faithful, adoring love, because Jesus is sacred and precious and the treasure of Heaven.
"And You will have it (the whole thing.)"
Yes, Jenny.
February 9, 2017
“And Jesus, knowing that He had come from God and was returning to God…"
"And now I am coming to You," Jesus also had prayed.
But Jesus was coming to the Father as a flesh and blood Son of Man! He had left the Father as the glorious only begotten Son, radiant, flawless, splendid and the Light, and became a tiny embryo in Mary’s womb and now Jesus was as fully human as He was divine, and it is in that way that He is now returning to His Father.
The poignancy of it strikes me every time! It seems like such a weakness.
“Now I am coming to You,” says the Man from Galilea to His Abba, the Ancient of Days, the I Am that I Am, the Living God, enthroned on praises, seated in the heavens.
“Now I am coming to You,” Jesus says in a human voice, with an accent, with muscle and bone and breath.
But it is not a weakness. If it were possible for Abba to love His Son more, it would be so. When Jesus returns to the court of heaven in His resurrected, glorified humanity, fully the Son of God, fully and perfectly human, He has brought back to Abba everything His burning heart longed for all those ages and all those times before time when They thought of us. When Jesus returns carrying redeemed, resurrected and glorified humanity in Himself, the First begotten of a brand new race, He brings with Him glory untold, glory upon glory, because He has restored the human race in and through Himself, through the greatest sacrifice possible.
But it still seems poignant to me. What a beautiful weakness, that of humanity. They just refused to let us go, so They wove us right into Jesus forever.
Beautiful words, Jesus said, when I shyly returned to Him. I feel that way sometimes, after I have been writing about Him and then must go back to Him. What will He think?
“Safe,” I breathed, “safe,” as I clung to His heavy arms and shoulders, letting everything else go, having made it home.
The Second Adam, the fully realized Man, I realized, standing with Jesus on the polished stone floor of that upper place. Jesus was appearing particularly masculine to me, but I cannot describe in what way, because it was a perfect way. A perfectly solid, peaceful, established, immoveable way. Jesus is a Man without flaw- without insecurity, without ego, without pride, without the need to prove anything, because He has passed every test and won every battle and everything is His. In Heaven, Jesus has no weakness but His love and that is His greatest strength, because it was His love that led Him to the cross, and the cross was His victory. Jesus is warmly breathing, peacefully stable, firmly fixed on His feet, holding me in His arms, my head not even reaching to His shoulder, and all around Him is space, open, peaceful space.
“I in You and You in me and You in the Father,” I said thinking of this and Jesus glanced with love upward, and I realized that He was in the Father and so was I- my life was hid with Christ in God, and the space all around us was in some way the Father.
I felt His breath on my face and I said, without thinking, “I remember!” meaning, when They breathed the breath of life into us when They created us, but how could I remember such a thing? Only first Adam possibly could, and how could even he? But the breath of God stirred in me a memory that was not even a memory, for there were no images- nothing but the warmth of the breath of God, which woke us to life, even me.
Massive amounts of His power and life where pouring into me like ecstasy as I was praying this.
His eyes are gentle as doves and see everything.
Don't look away, Jesus whispered, when I dropped my eyes in wonder. Behold, your Friend.
Abide, Jesus commanded, when in overwhelmed prayer I reached out to Him.
“You are more than just my Friend, I whispered, when I could be with Him again, feeling quite shy. “You are my heart's deepest desire.”
January 1, 2017
“You set it up for Your glory to be shown,” I said to Jesus confidently, by faith, about the situation.
Immediately, into my mind came gentle the remembered scene of Jesus passing by the blind man and Him saying- that the glory of God might be revealed in him.
Had another vision while I was worshipping at His feet and saying, "Be satisfied, be satisfied, have to the fullest what You deserve," by which I meant, have the entire church in unity worshipping and glorifying Jesus, pouring out praise and love in many voices all worshiping Him in love.
And as I was saying this, I was seeing thin sheets of crystal clear water washing down a cream colored, smooth beach, the sheets of waters shining with light, overlapping, expanding, sheet after sheet sliding down in opening fan shapes and my vision lifted upward and outward, and I saw the sheets of water were going into the ocean and the ocean was full of waves of glistening shimmering light and above the ocean, a sky of massive white and gold clouds with the light streaming through, and it got brighter and the brightness almost had a sound, which seemed to be getting louder and I lifted my physical head in growing anticipation and the sky was taking up all my spiritual sight, and suddenly the vision was gone.
January 3, 2017
Caught up in prayer for healing for the Body, internal wounds and bruises and friendly fire, that His balm pour down over the Body, the oil of His love, the cleansing of His blood, that He bind up the broken hearted so there might be a healed and healthy unity in the Body.
Saw myself lumping along, rejected, sad- for one moment considered the attractive pull of self pity, then rejected it completely by nudge of Holy Spirit, lifted my eyes to Jesus, poured out praise for His perfect, good work in my life that leads to a perfect, good end. Whatever sad things happen is a set up for His glory to be displayed.
Caught up in a warm, strong tide of His love, clung to Jesus, clung with all my strength, letting His life and goodness soak into me, releasing all other things as I clung to His strong, familiar shoulders in loving relief. “Holy, holy, holy,” I breathed in worship.
Late in the night or early in the morning, had been pouring out love on His merciful heart- His heart aches, and His mercy is costly as the cross and the horrible things that He feels with us cause Him such pain, and yet His mercy still flows- its new every morning, so I lavish love and comfort and gratitude toward His heart, bathing His heart in love, and worshipping Jesus for His goodness and mercy most precious.
*
Worship is to freely give back to Jesus with gratitude everything that He gave to us, which is everything.
Held Jesus tightly, felt His peaceful breathing, the rise and fall of His solid chest. Holding on to Jesus is so satisfying, it's like eating.
Oh My Jenny, He whispered.
"You are the compassionate One," I declared to Jesus in faith, thinking of His tender, merciful heart, and handing Him all the pain and sadness of my past that I had been thinking about.
Jenny, My Jenny, He murmured, taking the burden away and gathering me up in His arms.
January 22, 2017
What did you see?
I had seen a glimpse of the new space. "But I don't feel worthy to be there."
Jenny, have you forgotten grace or the power of My blood, which washes you and is sufficient for you?
He said my name, the rest I understood without words, and the lyrics of the song Grace Wins were running through my mind: There's a war between guilt and grace, fighting over a sacred space. Grace wins every time. A sacred space, kept repeating in my mind. And I remembered how that shameful, insufficient feeling only goes away when I rest in Jesus' arms and breathe Him in and let His presence wash over and through me.
"Okay," I said, then wrote all this down.
Saw His face- again and again I rested my eyes on His face. Once, saw His eyes were closed and as I watched, He opened His eyes. Jesus was looking right at me with His gentle gaze, and I saw His eyes change shape slightly as He smiled, laugh lines appearing at the corners.
“And there will be no doubt, only You, You pure hearted holy Son of God, and there will be no break from Your presence, and when I wake I am still with You! When I wake I am still with You!”
I love you so much, you precious girl!
"Who am I, that You would save me?"
My beloved.
"How is it that You let me be with You?"
I shed My blood for you.
January 23, 2017
Still going to Jesus in that new space, but it requires a greater leap, more trust in His grace, and a greater commitment to faith and His presence. I must be all in.
I went to the inner rooms, that little house build by the hills, and it did seem small but beloved. And there were all the things I loved and that He gave me, or that we made together- the couch, the fountain with the fish and frogs and lily pads, the furniture, the water.
"Here is where we used to be," I told Jesus, holding His hand tightly. His smile was full of tenderness. "I don't understand about where we are now- how it is connected to here, or where it is in relation to this," I admitted, hoping Jesus would explain, but He did not and my mind was coming up with solutions that were too cramped. I'm not even going to try and figure it out, I decided. "I don't need to know, I just need to accept and be there with You," I said to Jesus. He didn't say anything, but I knew it was right because of the peace that filled me and we went to the greater space, the room of light.
And that's the way it has been. I saw a glimpse of the landscape beyond the pillars where the light streams in, and it was like an English manner house in the country, only saturated with light, all the colors were seen through streams of light. Everything is luminous but solid. It's a gentle landscape, the lawn stretching away. The distances are too much to contemplate, and I haven't attempted to explore, because I already know I'm not ready to comprehend it.
"I in You and You in me and You in the Father," is what I have said to Jesus in that space.
So much with me! Jesus, when He is at home, when He is at ease and has no business to care for, in a manner of speaking, because of course He is always and constantly running things- He is all gentleness, and He is quiet, and His eyes are alive with feeling.
"Nothing but the pure air of heaven," I tell Jesus. No distortion of soul, no disturbances, no doubt- nothing but the untainted, pure air and seamless, endless, tangible Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God. Jesus always, truly there. "And when I wake, I am still with a You," I tell Him.
Last night tears gathered at His eyes and spilled over. "Don't cry, beloved Jesus," I told Him, gathering them up in my fingers. They were like water held for a moment in my fingers and slipping through. I kissed His temple where the tears had yet to dry. Sometimes I am crying, though this does not happen physically. But sometimes it seems a river of tears pour from my eyes at the intense relief and joy of being with Jesus.
"Your own knows nothing but You, has no memory except of You, sees nothing but what You show her and trusts You with everything," I tell Jesus earnestly. "The soul is healed, my soul is whole and wholly innocent in Your presence, and I know only You. Take even the memories of anything else and seal any wounds and take for Yourself everything that is me and mine, because I was made for You. All that I am is made for You. Take from me even the memories of lesser things and let me have and know only You."
Jesus is wholly worthy to be loved and I cannot reach the absolute heights of love that are due Him, but Jesus is gracious, generous and loving that He does not hold this against me and it does not cause offense in Him, but He cherishes my love such as it is and pours out love in return, greater than what He is receiving.
"You need the whole loaf," I said to Him once. Jesus is worthy of the worship, love and adoration of the whole Body, the worship and thanks of every created thing, and the endless love and delight of the Father and the Spirit, Who have always delighted in Him.
Jesus' heart is pure, it's a pure channel of endless obedience, love and perfection toward His Father, and Jesus delights to give Himself away. He truly is the Bread of Heaven, given for the world, and the Tree of Life that we may eat from, and the fountain of Living Waters that we may drink from, and the true Vine that we may endlessly take life from. Jesus is constantly giving Himself, and one can go deeper and deeper into this through love. It must be love, holy, faithful, adoring love, because Jesus is sacred and precious and the treasure of Heaven.
"And You will have it (the whole thing.)"
Yes, Jenny.
February 9, 2017
“And Jesus, knowing that He had come from God and was returning to God…"
"And now I am coming to You," Jesus also had prayed.
But Jesus was coming to the Father as a flesh and blood Son of Man! He had left the Father as the glorious only begotten Son, radiant, flawless, splendid and the Light, and became a tiny embryo in Mary’s womb and now Jesus was as fully human as He was divine, and it is in that way that He is now returning to His Father.
The poignancy of it strikes me every time! It seems like such a weakness.
“Now I am coming to You,” says the Man from Galilea to His Abba, the Ancient of Days, the I Am that I Am, the Living God, enthroned on praises, seated in the heavens.
“Now I am coming to You,” Jesus says in a human voice, with an accent, with muscle and bone and breath.
But it is not a weakness. If it were possible for Abba to love His Son more, it would be so. When Jesus returns to the court of heaven in His resurrected, glorified humanity, fully the Son of God, fully and perfectly human, He has brought back to Abba everything His burning heart longed for all those ages and all those times before time when They thought of us. When Jesus returns carrying redeemed, resurrected and glorified humanity in Himself, the First begotten of a brand new race, He brings with Him glory untold, glory upon glory, because He has restored the human race in and through Himself, through the greatest sacrifice possible.
But it still seems poignant to me. What a beautiful weakness, that of humanity. They just refused to let us go, so They wove us right into Jesus forever.
Beautiful words, Jesus said, when I shyly returned to Him. I feel that way sometimes, after I have been writing about Him and then must go back to Him. What will He think?
“Safe,” I breathed, “safe,” as I clung to His heavy arms and shoulders, letting everything else go, having made it home.
The Second Adam, the fully realized Man, I realized, standing with Jesus on the polished stone floor of that upper place. Jesus was appearing particularly masculine to me, but I cannot describe in what way, because it was a perfect way. A perfectly solid, peaceful, established, immoveable way. Jesus is a Man without flaw- without insecurity, without ego, without pride, without the need to prove anything, because He has passed every test and won every battle and everything is His. In Heaven, Jesus has no weakness but His love and that is His greatest strength, because it was His love that led Him to the cross, and the cross was His victory. Jesus is warmly breathing, peacefully stable, firmly fixed on His feet, holding me in His arms, my head not even reaching to His shoulder, and all around Him is space, open, peaceful space.
“I in You and You in me and You in the Father,” I said thinking of this and Jesus glanced with love upward, and I realized that He was in the Father and so was I- my life was hid with Christ in God, and the space all around us was in some way the Father.
I felt His breath on my face and I said, without thinking, “I remember!” meaning, when They breathed the breath of life into us when They created us, but how could I remember such a thing? Only first Adam possibly could, and how could even he? But the breath of God stirred in me a memory that was not even a memory, for there were no images- nothing but the warmth of the breath of God, which woke us to life, even me.
