Friday, June 16, 2017

June 16th

January 12, 2017

“Jesus, here I am. I know You have been with me all the time, but now is for focusing on You alone. Is there anything....?” Saw His hands reaching out for me, His laughing face.

Saw glimpses of inner countryside fly by my inner gaze, saw the front room of the house with a set of stairs from one side, the side toward the upward sloping hill. Saw the front step of rough field stone, saw with great clarity and beauty the water pouring from the sluice gate, which was mostly closed. But the overflow was running over, water burbling and gurgling over the edge, crystal clear and cold and rapid, rippled with texture. The inside of the stone pond set into the floor was filled with half seen fish and green growing plants. It was pleasing to see and pleasant to be near.

Saw the sunlight on the rough field stone, saw Jesus sitting there, smiling. Went into His arms, smelled the good smell of His robes in the sun- like clean cotton.

Saw the dock, vivid color of green bobbing in the ocean waves.

“Do You want to go there?” I asked.

In response I saw my feet on the deck, felt the rough texture of the green matting, the refreshing ocean air, the open space of sea and sky, the movement of the dock in the bustling waves.

“Oh, it's so pleasing!” I had forgotten how it was.

Saw the shaded brook that runs under the woods growing at the top of the sea cliffs, the water brown, translucent, burbling quickly and then slow and deep, cut into the banks overhung with dangling green branches, vines and grasses.

I saw all this while on the dock; I looked up and saw Jesus' face, His eyelashes glistening and thick with water, eyebrows and beard and face wet and full of light from the warm sunlight. He lifted an arm to shade me, and I saw His face in the shade, everything about Jesus vivid, beautiful, full of peace and contentment while the dock moved in the waves and the spray of them, and the creaking of the wood.

January 13, 2017

“I love You.”

I love being with you.

“That is the most gracious thing to say!”

Because sight has been only in pieces and it has almost been by faith alone that I've been with Jesus, and by will alone that I've stayed. Having miserable time trying to stay awake.

January 15, 2017

Last night, worshipped and adored Jesus only by faith, but the faith was compelling and it opened up a massive living channel of His love and presence. It was intoxicating and absorbing, and yet I was hardly able to see anything at all.

This morning, I saw a delicate lady in a printed 1950's dress, that I took to be myself, step through a doorway to the outside and put her hand up and look up, but it was raining and there was a sense of danger, so she stepped back inside. As I saw this, I heard myself say to Jesus, “I love to tentatively love You.” Realized it came out that way- “I must have fallen asleep,” I said to Jesus apologetically.

“Lord, I know I am with You right now, so I rest my cheek against Yours, and I nestle down in Your arms like a little homing pigeon or a chick under Your wings,” I said, in order to bring myself back to focus on Him. In response, I felt the warmth of His embrace, the security, and I settled into it, but I was so tired that my soul was sluggish to worship.

“Lord Jesus, help me to love You as You ought to be loved…” I thought about how to do this, and tried one way- “I lift up my soul, I lift up my soul to You,” I sang to Jesus, determined to stir myself up to love and worship. “I praise Your holy name!”

But those phrases, although true, were too impersonal, so I switched to what I knew of Him. “I love the words You spoke in a human voice,” I confessed to Jesus. “I love Your shoulders that carried the beam as far as You could. I love the hands that held the carpenters tools, the arms that were stretched out upon that cross beam…”

That worked, so I went on.

“I love the hands the cup my face, I love Your face that I know this way. I love Your scarred back that forms the barricade, I love Your beating heart!” I know I am safe in the arms of Jesus- He hedges me in and I am hidden in Him.

“Lord, Lord!” I cried, overwhelmed by His presence. “I was hungry for You before, just two minutes ago!” Now He pours out His love and presence.

“Most merciful Lord Jesus,” I said in relief, clinging to Him, remembering that all judgement and the whole business of judgement has been given to Him, that all might honor the Son as they honor the Father. The time on my phone was 5:55 am when I went to record this.

“Lord, continue to renew my mind and restore my soul that I might be able to receive You in ever increasing capacity,” I whispered, and Jesus drew my head toward Him gently and breathed on my forehead.


“I yield to Your love,” I was repeating to Jesus. This is because the Lord is a jealous God and He is God, and when He pours out His heart, surrender is an immediate response that is borne of adoration and of reverence for Who He is. I was speaking this in His presence, my spirit following suit and we were sinking down through the water to the stone floor which under the water, the image that I was seeing illustrating the spiritual movement of submission and worship. I was breathing the water of the spring fed pool within the house, which had a smooth texture, thick as oil, crystal clear but not cold. I reached my hand up in wonder toward the shimmering surface and my fingertips touched it.

I knew where you were, Jesus had said to me, so very long ago. He never loses us, no one can take us out of His hand and all things work together for good- glory to God! Glory to God for right now, these things now that are working in His hands toward a perfect work, a culmination towards which He is bringing us.

January 17, 2017

"The building blocks of Your Kingdom," I said to Jesus as I came to His arms, remembering again that we are His living stones, and He moves through us on the earth.

"Thank You for all the saints who are welcoming You, seeking You and making room in their hearts for You all over the earth. Also I welcome You," I said, opening my arms to Jesus.

Practiced the quiet gaze of my spirit on His face, through the hindrances of soul. Rested with Jesus as though at the end- because His true now and He is true then, I realized. "You are with me, You are doing all things well and Your plans are perfect and have the last word," I said to Him.

Just so, Jesus affirmed.

Jesus was given to the world through a people prepared for that purpose, and the same is true now.

January 20, 2017

There is one path down which I must go.

Saw Jesus stand before the closed paths and point to the open one that was narrow and streaming with light, the path was like a beam of light stretching out, and resolutely and peacefully I headed down it.

Saw Jesus carrying His tools, walking down the hillsides to work outside of Nazareth and saw below Him, further down the hillside, a troop of Romans pass by, breaking the peace with their harsh language and metallic, militant tread and knew they could do terrible things, and who could stop them? And I remembered Herod, who was doing terrible things, and who could stop him? There was no justice, no earthly safety. They were an occupied, oppressed people and the only shelter was God, but their leaders were merciless and exacting and lovers of money.

Into this swirling maelstrom of forces, Yeshua launched His ministry.

Then I saw Him sitting on the hill in the tall grass, looking down to the far water, thinking of this. I went and curled up in His lap and all this understanding went surging through me like the pounding of a heartbeat, and that was how I knew about His focus and His courage in the face of all this. There was in Jesus a fierce, steadfast desire to fulfill His Father's will- to look to His face and no where else and to accomplish all His work; even at the darkest, sweating blood in Gethsemane, knowing that His Father could do all things, He laid down His will and finished the work.

Jesus knew He would be killed; there would have been no doubt. Everything He did once He came out of the wilderness, Yeshua did as one who had only so much time, but He wasn't afraid, only completely focused, abandoned to the mission.

I recorded this, went back to Jesus on the hillside, went down and down and down through the Holy Spirit, Who is very kind to me, to reach the deep center of Jesus' memories, of Himself, living at that time and went back to Him. Because He is not a different Jesus, He is the same Jesus who is with me and I with Him.

I was curled up in His arms, and resting the back of my hand in His palm, and I realized again that Jesus was never afraid. He moved in a deep, unshakable peace of trust in His Father. The disciples, especially the Twelve, must have been sheltered in this peace, too- which is maybe why He left it with them before He was taken, so they could still have it.

January 21, 2017

“By Your grace, I am awake and I receive You. It is only by Your grace, but I am awake, so come and rest here with me.” He came and I bundled Jesus in a blanket.

“Go on with Your renewing work in me, I want to be Your perfectly pure, innocent, adoring, yielding beloved.”

Oh my Jenny.

“Never to leave, never to leave, never to leave,” I was singing out with joy, clinging to Jesus' shoulders- tasting a taste of that unspeakable joy that awaits and standing with Him in this wide open, stone paved place of great distance, light and stillness.

It's that space, the space I had a glimpse of months earlier, when I knew I was in the presence of Jesus, and fell at His feet to beg for forgiveness and to intercede, and the room seemed to be different.

I made my whole self a confession, because His presence was greater than I have yet known, and the greater His presence, the heavier the fear of God grows, and the fear of God is clean, enduring forever. Before the cleansing fear, everything must bow and confess. This is not a painful ordeal, but it has a kind of absoluteness to it.

What this does, it that the fear clears out a wider space of understanding, because the light of His presence reveals and heals places of doubt and unbelief that remain, and in that understanding, faith grows deeper and stronger. It becomes a stronger foundation to rest upon, because of Who Jesus is. One sees and knows the Lord Jesus as greater than one has known before, submits in reverence and adoration to Him, and then afterward, has even greater confidence upon Him.

All is known, Jesus said, His voice rich with peace and authority, the final authority, the Prince of peace, and my whole self collapsed into relief and gratitude, I went limp and almost disoriented from the extent of the relief.

Jenny, you please Me, you please Me so much.

“Can I come here?”

At any time.

“I won't bother you?”

Have faith to believe that I want to be with you.

January 28, 2017

Perfect love casts out fear- the unhealthy dread that is not trusting in Him to finish His work. I have to do just what Jesus told me and believe that He always wants me with Him, and that He made me.

Saw Jesus bend down and pick me up in His arms. Took a long look at His face, full of tender mercies, so known to me, threw my arms around His shoulders and poured out my heart.

“May it move forward, Lord, may it move forward- Your plan for this earth! May it be as You will, only as You will- bring forward Your plans for this time... Am I bothering You with these...” I couldn’t think of the word, but I am intense about these requests, and the word, supplications, dropped into my mind.

The Spirit of supplication, I remembered praying for, and wondered what it meant.

Look it up, Jesus said.

It means to plead humbly or earnestly.

“Sometimes I'm not humble, I'm demanding,” I confessed.

I gave you that, too, Jesus replied, with good humor.

These last few days have been some of the most drunken, intoxicating times with Jesus that I have ever known. Fear and doubt is falling away in layers, replaced by great depths of faith and trust in His faithfulness- to be Who He says He is, and where He says He is, and that I am what the Lord Jesus says I am.

January 29, 2017

And lo, I am with you always are His words that have been taking me to Him again and again these days.

Remembered that I pray with Jesus, so I leaned against His heart and became still and listened, and I felt His aching and then burning longing to bring His plans forth, to glorify His Church, to finish His works in her and through her, to bring glory to the Father through her, and to establish, to make beautiful, to feed and to pour out living waters upon His thirsty, longing Church and that His own prayer that hangs like words of fire in His heart- that we might all be one- that this prayer be answered, come into sight, become visible, become seen.

During the prayer service at church, I smelled incense, a strong, holy scent that lingered for a long time- I had my eyes closed at the time and a woman was walking by. I assumed she was carrying a vessel of incense with her. The anointing was on her so strong that it washed over me like a wave and all I could say for a long time was, “Halleluiah, halleluiah!” I thought it was such a good idea that they were carried incense with them sometimes when they prayed, but when I asked them about it, they said they didn’t ever do that. After church, I had the final interviews for joining the intercessory prayer team, and I am now a member.

“I'm just going to come to You!” I declared with joy, after coming home.

Jesus was full of laughter, the laughter of joy, when I saw Him. The hallelujah chorus was bursting from me every time I was with Him, until we both burst out laughing.

January 30, 2017

With me always! This Scripture again brought me right to Jesus.

“I love You, Jesus.”

I know you do, you say it to Me so often!

“Do I love You well?”

You know you do.

“Help me truly to love You by having and keeping Your words! Your word are honey from the honeycomb, they are silver refined seven times, Your word is truth. Thank You for helping me more and more to actually keep Your word so that I might truly love You.”

“I apologize for my flesh, that cannot give You even one hour! Because I love You, Lord Jesus, I put the flesh down and I turn to You again. It is all that is due You, it is my most basic service, it is the least I can do, to put the flesh down and worship You! My flesh does not understand Your value, but I know! You are worth everything, You Lamb of God, darling of Heaven, champion of Heaven!”

I taught you to pray, Jesus assured me when I worried how it came out- so demanding of Him, almost.

The cross stands in the way! That’s how I have been praying. Yes, mankind on their own has earned death through sin, death being the fruit of sin, but the cross stands in the way! The cross stands in the way, and therefore there is mercy! Scandalous mercy and grace! There is the open door of mercy, it is left open, they may pass through it. Who can move the cross? It is planted there.

Kneeling down to pray, Jesus knelt in front of me and held out His hands in loving invitation, knew He physically wanted me to lift my hands and place them on His which I was seeing spiritually, so I did and joy flowed through me like a river. He is leading me right along.

June 3, 2017

Been resting in His arms and I saw again a long trail of glory- the train of a wedding dress- it’s the train of the whole Bride altogether. I cannot describe how glorious this train is, because it is made up of all the works of faith and selfless love that every believer has ever done for the Lord since the beginning of His church, including the martyrs then, and the martyrs now, and every desperate, suffering Christian who has put their faith in Him, given Him something, put their faith in Him, served Him, from every age, and the suffering of some of those ages of history is so great it is almost past wrapping one’s mind around, and to put one’s trust in the name of Jesus at that time- the glory of that is dense, thick and heavy, gorgeous and scintillating with light.

Every act of love, every bit of suffering transformed, every bit of hope, every thanksgiving- This fabric is thick, ornate with pearls and everything most precious. Every priceless thing is sewn into it; it's so heavy I don't know how it is moving, but it's being pulled forward by the Church walking toward the Lord- I cannot see Him, but I know that's where the Church must be going- both toward Him in time that is ordained and in some other way that I cannot articulate well- a kind of longing, steady and sublime faith that is drawing His Church, one step at a time, trusting entirely upon the Lord.

The length is past description and continues to grow, because who can say how long all those acts of love and faith and hope and obedience and sacrifice and thanksgiving and suffering for the Lord should go out toward, in the light of His cross and resurrection? The Lamb is worthy of all the glory.

“All I must be is obedient to You, all I must be is obedient to You,” I was saying in a rush of relief, humility and rightness, my head nestled against His chest. My part of this train is so very small- if I were not myself, I'd have no way of even seeing it amid all the rest, but all I must be is be just what He made me to be, and to fulfill just that which He ordained for me, and there will be no shame at the smallness, because I am the work of His hands and Jesus knows what He is doing.

June 4, 2017


Come here.

Briefly went to Him, but when in His arms, was pondering for some time, my thoughts wandering away to consider this and that, realized I wanted to return my attention to Jesus to be with Him, remembered what He said, come here, and went to Him.

“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God,” I whispered to Him in awe, wrapped warmly up in His arms on the threshold of forever. He had lifted His face and I had seen His eyes soft with peace and gentleness, looking at me with love. I thought of how I had prayed to Him so often while kneeling on the carpet, sending the prayer up to Him on the throne. On the throne, Jesus is still known; He is not a stranger, but in some sense, He is far away and formal at that time, but now I was so close to Him that I was aware of the beating of His pulse in the hollow of His throat.

All your prayers rose up, Jesus whispered to me.

“It is because of Your most precious Holy Spirit,” I said to Him, showing Him my empty, open hands to remind Him that nothing on my part could cause a prayer to go up, but the Holy Spirit fills those prayers with life in the way that only He can, and takes them and does with them what He will.


Sweet Jesus