This morning I read something that caused me some confusion and distress. It caused me to remember very distinctly my old anxieties and deep seated fears regarding religion, and for a moment or two, I could not for the life of me remember how I had found my way out of them.
I got all anxious. I couldn't control the anxiety on my own, so instead of fighting that losing battle any longer, I simply handed the anxiety, along with myself and my questions, right over to Him. I just handed Him the whole mess, like a tangled ball of yarn.
No matter how badly tangled I am, He's always tender and loving when He takes it from me. It's as though I were a very young child. He takes me on His lap and starts lovingly unwinding me from the anxiety, or fear, or self hatred or whatever it is that I got tangled up in.
So, when I was quiet, He said, "I Myself lead you in the paths of righteousness, for My name's sake. You don't lead, even in doing good. I lead you into the good works that I have laid up for you to do."
This is a lesson He's been teaching me for the past couple days. It's the path of righteousness, not the four lane highway. It's not "I run wildly, desperately on ahead of Him on the paths of righteousness, while He follows, driving me on and on." It's a narrow path and He leads like a shepherd.
Recently, I watched a documentary on the 23rd Psalm. In it, the narrator said that Jewish scholars sometimes translate the word "path" as "circles." These circles refer to the circling paths that wind around and around the hills that shepherds lead their flocks up.
Slowly, circle after circle, the flock winds its way up the hill. They go slowly so that the sheep can graze along the way. They don't go barreling straight up the mountainside to the top, but they do get there, in a natural and peaceful way.
Everything that frightens me and any failure and any shortcoming, those things cause me to yield into Jesus and His work. I surrender myself to Him. This means that my short comings actually draw me nearer to Him, instead of driving me away.
Before, when I thought I myself had to subdue the flesh or perfect myself or however you want to put it- back then, my imperfections caused me shame and exhaustion and frustration and resentment. I kept putting distance between myself and Him, so that I could wrestle with myself in decent privacy, as it were.
Now there's no barrier, there's no distance. My life is His life. I can't live apart from Him. My weakness and inability are swallowed up in His infinite ability and boundless strength.
I thought I would look up a verse I vaguely remembered, so I logged onto Biblegateway, and right there, before I ever searched, I read this:
"“Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.” Ephesians 2:8-9 MSG
Also, recently I rediscovered this old hymn and I love it even more now:
"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
Perfect submission, all is at rest,
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love."
Blessed Assurance, by Francis J.Crosby, 1873
