Thursday, March 29, 2012

March 29th

I'm worried today, because yesterday, Keith experienced a lot of scary symptoms and his classmates insisted he go to the hospital.

He actually spent the night there, and this morning he is still in the hospital, and the doctors still don't know what is wrong, and are still running all kinds of tests.

Keith can miss three days of classes without it affecting his ability to graduate, but he can't miss any more than that, even if he is in the hospital. If he doesn't pass the class, he will lose his new job.

But worse than this, what is happening to him? What it going on?

I don't know what is wrong, or what will happen, or how it will be resolved. It feels almost surreal.

Earlier this week I was wondering about these two weeks- the last two weeks before officially beginning the adoption process and how Keith and I were separated during this time, and what, if anything, that meant.

I thought, maybe God is using this time to prepare us in some way, so I tried to wonder about in what way. But of course, I had to give this up, because I don't think a person can ever fully know in what way God is using the circumstances of their lives.

So I said to myself, "I don't know," and let it go, and then I knew the presence of Jesus close by me.

But I will be with you, He said.

"That I always know," I told Him gratefully.

Because, by now, I do always know it.

At the time, I thought it was rather a random moment for God to speak to me, and rather a random, wondering thought for Him to address.

I mean, I'm constantly wondering about the meaning of things. If God actually addressed every such thought of mine, there would be no end to the dialogue.

Now, of course, I no longer think it was random.

So I am waiting. I am waiting to hear back from Keith- I cannot call him and he cannot call me very often, because he does not have reception in the hospital room.

I wish I could be with him. It bothers me, that he is alone in a strange hospital, in a different state, without even friends or army buddies. He doesn't know his classmates very well; he didn't have time to get to know them. It's not like they're the guys from his company.

But I know he is not alone, no more than I am. Today is going to be a strange day, I think.