Friday, May 6, 2016


This is from my current journal, but they are all entries from January and February that have yet to be posted.

January 10,  2016

Worried again about upcoming blog, pouring my heart out to Jesus, paused by slightest touch of Holy Spirit, realized in a burst of understanding, Rejoice! Immediately I understood and with joy threw the arms of my spirit up in joy and I cried, “Rejoice! Rejoice! Jesus, You will lead me in Your truth and You will light those words up with Your truth! Anything not in line with Your truth will wither away and anything that reinstates and is in perfect alignment with the truth comes from You and returns to You!”

And I fell into His arms with joy and it was as if I had almost overwhelmed Jesus with delight.

January 11, 2016

I have time now finally to try and record some things that have happened, probably over the last week or so, maybe more. The first thing I want to record is that at some point in December, as I was trying to stay strong in faith regarding posting my blog, I was going down the stairs, and it felt as if I was going to some dreaded event and barely hanging on, when the Holy Spirit whispered to me that I should rejoice! Rejoice, for I was being given the incredible privilege of being drawn into the healing, redeeming, perfect work of the Lord Jesus, and what a gift that is!

That changed my whole perspective! "Rejoice," I cried in my spirit! "Rejoice, Jenny! Jesus is doing a beautiful work through you!" At that time, saying it felt like lifting a heavy rock, but it did lift.

And then I remembered about Jesus making a way because He is the Way, so I said to myself, "Jesus has made a way for you! He has made the way open to accomplish and do all that He wills!"

So now many times, both when working on the blog and when going to post it, I say to myself, “Rejoice! Rejoice, Jenny! Jesus is involving you in His perfect work of love and He has made a way for you!”

January 15, 2016
I have to record something before I go back to bed. Yesterday, while Merissa napped, I rested and then got to up to work on the blog, then I rested again and as I was resting with Jesus, was remembering with joy, “Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.” I was declaring this to Him with great joy, because I could say it right to Him, which made the truth of it gloriously evident.
Then Merissa woke up and so I got up and I took my soul by a firm hand, so to speak and declared, “Rejoice! Jesus has prepared this whole afternoon for me with delightful tasks and meaningful work and will support me all the way,” and so I got up and rejoiced to lift Merissa from her crib and then went to do laundry and as I was doing laundry, I heard music!
This music was old sounding, but lovely and peaceful, and familiar. For a moment, I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from- my phone? the computer down stairs?
Then I realized it must be the radio and that Merissa had pressed the power button. I dropped what I was doing and went round the corner and sure enough, there she was, face lit up with a smile, standing by the radio and I realized that the song was, “Blessed Assurance!” It was an old fashioned piano arrangement of it.
I stood amazed by the corner of the bed, looking at her. “Do you know what song that is?” I asked her, but she just smiled, of course, because she’s two, and then I began laughing, and she was laughing, and we were laughing for joy and amazement and then she lifted up her arms and said, “Dancin’” so we danced, and the next song that came on was, “Let me tell you about my friend Jesus, no one ever cared for me like Him.”
Merissa has turned the radio on before, but the station has never been anything other than regular music. She must have played with the station dial, getting it to that station, and then hit the power button at just the right time. I thought, “Jesus has arranged this so that I could audibly hear His love and care. Blessed assurance!”
January 17, 2016
Sitting in His lap, thinking about what my deepest request would be, and thinking if it were up to me, Jesus would return that minute and make everything new. “If it were up to me, all chains would be loosed and everyone would go running to You," I told Him, and Jesus reminded me that in heaven, there are no chains, so I prayed that as it is in Heaven, so it be on earth- that every chain be broken and loosed and fall away from each person alive on the earth that they be free to go to Him. This prayer burst out with great intensity, and then I went back to resting with Jesus.
January 18, 2016
Today I was in the bedroom and Merissa was across the room from me and I heard her softly say, “Jesus,” in an adorable, loving tone. I looked up at her and she smiled at me softly  and expectantly. She went to stand by the radio and gestured to it, and waiting, smiling.
“Yes, Jesus!” I said to her, in wonderment.
January 19, 2016
Why is everything taken from me? I asked Jesus, in frustration.
So that I Myself might give it to you, Jesus replied.
"Jesus," I whispered, curling up into His arms, "how are You doing?"
I am doing all things well, He replied, smiling.

I love Your face!"

I love you.


Jesus said, I am yours. Then He helped me to understand that I am not given to that ministry, even though it is created by Him and doing good things and teaches me so much. I minister to Jesus first; I am given to Jesus. He is mine.

Jenny, you do so well, Jesus encouraged me, after pouring out my heart and accepting that His will was not for any large gatherings or ministries at this time, but some small church and that I must remain in His will.

January 20, 2016

"Out of the nothing, God brings the something," I said in a wonder, seeing a small sprout appear out of the dry ground and thinking of my blog which grew up in an hour one night after a week long period of wondering what on earth I was going to share and feeling helpless and like there was nothing there. Out of the darkness, there is light.

I saw a glimpse of His beautiful creative power.

"I’m going to enjoy getting to know You even more," I said to Jesus, thinking of getting to know these mysteries clearly when I am in heaven.

Yes, Jesus agreed. By faith, begin to know them now.

January 21, 2016

Led to look up Scriptures about injured sheep and how the Lord would be their shepherd and found many. Found some verses in Ezekiel, opened up the whole chapter and immediately overwhelmed. Prayed, trusted, held out my open hands and Jesus said, that judgement is not yours.

It’s not mine because it’s His, so I am not passing a judgment, I’m passing on His words. But it must pass through my open hands just as the verse says with my lips I have declared and recounted all the ordinances of Your mouth. But my hands must be completely open, so that I am not holding on to anything or trying to control what Jesus is saying.

The whole chapter, Jesus reminded me, as I was putting the phone down, after recording this on a note there.

"I feel overwhelmed!"

I know sweetheart, I will guide you through it, Jesus replied.

When I came to Jesus, by faith rejoicing in His perfect work, Jesus swung me up in His arms and spun us around, so great was His joy.

You know My heart, Jesus whispered.

Jesus will receive the full reward for His flogging- our healing.

January 22, 2016

"I take up my cross and follow You," I said to Jesus, realizing very particularly that He was present and understanding certain things about Jesus with vividness- how He lived His life, the things He said, and He is the same now. "Help me to love them, to genuinely love them, because I want to be like You, because You’re beautiful and I want the highest and the best, discerning the moral differences according to Your heart because I love You and I want to please You."

Knew Jesus very close to me, looking down at me with tenderness, knew myself to be precious to Him, felt His love and approbation pouring down over me as I spoke.

Write it down, Jesus said.

"I need to know all the time, all the time!" I said, clinging to Him urgently, meaning that I need to know that Jesus Christ Himself is with me and leading me always and would always tell me clearly if I were ever outside His will.

I know, sweetheart, I know- you’re My battering ram, He replied, in a rush of reassurance.

January 23, 2016

So many words rising up in my spirit, all of them Jesus’ words, and read last night the 23 chapter of Matthew, which was where my marker had been left from the last time I’d been reading and I knew the anguish of Jesus’ heart as He spoke those words to them, and then His words in my spirit grew stronger. Every spare moment, I was composing a blog about what Jesus was saying and what was important to Him, and then I would realize I was doing this and hand it over to Jesus.

And today, as we were driving back from Lowe’s, I was doing that again and so in frustration, I said to the Holy Spirit, “I have all these words in me, they keep coming up!” And handed them over to Him yet again, and He reminded me that Jeremiah said something like, "I have tried to hold Your words in but they become a burning fire within me and I can’t hold them in!”

So then I began to consider if Jesus wanted to speak a word through me and so I said to Jesus, “If it’s Your will, I will, and I will be given all that I need in order to do that, and if it’s not Your will, You will show me that clearly, for the honor of Your name, and I will not.”

It seemed to me simple and I pushed the fear away easily, because my faith and trust in Jesus has grown that much lately. Then I was resting but I couldn’t nap because the words were rising up stronger and stronger and forming sentences and phrases, because in trust, I took out the explanatory phrases. That is, instead of saying what He was saying, I was hearing Him saying it directly, and those words He was saying were full of power. And the Holy Spirit nudged me to go down stairs and write them out- just to take that one step.

So I said, “Yes, I will. I will go down stairs as an exercise in obedience and discernment and I will begin to write these words out and if it’s Your will that I post them, You will tell me and I will do so and if it’s not Your will, You will show me and I will not."

I went downstairs and sat down at the computer and prayed and felt the wind of His Holy Spirit wash over and through me as I offered myself to Jesus, and then wrote the words out and the words of Jesus were pouring out of me in lovely, long sentences and I began to know that He was going to be speaking through me.

“The words must be pure,” I said to Jesus, as I was cleaning up from baking and He drew my eye to what I was holding in my hand right then, which was maple syrup and on it was the label, “1oo percent pure maple syrup,” and Jesus reminded me that maple syrup comes straight from the tree, and what He had given me also came straight from Him as does sap from the tree.

“Straight from the tree?” I articulated to Jesus, understanding this with love and gratitude and wonder. Because Jesus is the Tree of Everlasting Life.

Yes, He said, smiling.

February 5, 2016

Where is your faith? Jesus asked me, when I begged Him to let me be with Him more deeply. And I remembered Jesus saying to me, don’t put My love to the test. Because Jesus has already proved it time and time again and now is the time for standing in faith as on a solid rock and rejoicing in Jesus at all times, and again, rejoice in Jesus, because He is doing a perfect work and this time apart from Him is very short.

Realizing this swiftly, I changed gears, as I have been teaching myself to do. “Thank You for the chance to grow in faith!" I exclaimed. "This is a perfect gift! Thank You for the gift. I will fall down at Your feet in gratitude for the gift of this growing in faith, when I see the end from the beginning,” I declared to Jesus, in response. And I said to myself, “Rejoice, Jenny! Jesus is yours! You know Him! Jesus is close to you, He pours out His love on you, you already know Him in such a personal way, and one day, you will see Him and know Him and be with Jesus forever. Rejoice!”

As I was saying this, I realized all over again how truly extraordinary that was, and was sept up by the awe of it, and Jesus said, you make My heart pound.

My faith has been tested again and again lately and I’ve had to get through bump after bump, finally realized this was a gift.

“You’re stretching out my faith again, aren’t You?” I said to Jesus.

Yes, Jenny, He confirmed, compassionately.

“Have You missed me?” I whispered to Jesus, when I could finally get to that deep, heart to heart place in His presence.

All the time, Jesus replied.

February 6, 2016

Knowing myself to be in the presence of Jesus, and questions rose up to ask Him, but I put them aside. "Sometimes, even when I'm with You, You don't give the answers," I stated, accepting this.

I give Myself, Jesus said.


Everyone who believes [with a deep, abiding trust in the fact] that Jesus is the Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed) is born of God [that is, reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, and set apart for His purpose], and everyone who loves the Father also loves the child born of Him. By this we know [without any doubt] that we love the children of God: [expressing that love] when we love God and obey His commandments. For the [true] love of God is this: that we habitually keep His commandments and remain focused on His precepts. And His commandments and His precepts are not difficult [to obey]. For everyone born of God is victorious and overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has conquered and overcome the world—our [continuing, persistent] faith [in Jesus the Son of God].

Who is the one who is victorious and overcomes the world? It is the one who believes and recognizes the fact that Jesus is the Son of God.

I John 5:1-5, AMP