So hungry for Jesus, constantly coming to Him through the Holy Spirit, right up close to Jesus, and pouring out love and comfort on Him whenever I could, and assuring Jesus how much I wish I could have during those times in the Gospel that ring my heart, and how much I love do that for Him now, through the Holy Spirit and Jesus was saying, Beautiful, Jenny, I love you, beautiful one!
What I love most is when He returns from passing through the crowd after they tried to toss Him off a cliff in Nazareth. Again and again, I am drawn to that time, and drawn to a specific place- the place where He grew up, because, the Holy Spirit showed me, Jesus would first have gone to see Mary His mother.
He would have gone to her to comfort her, and she would have known this, and she would have been there, waiting. I saw her waiting in the kitchen, working quietly at some task. She was kneeling on the floor before a stone, and she was grinding grain. So I waited there also.
And then hearing His step and seeing Jesus in the doorway and feeling with intense relief how He is living and solid and alive and present, and realizing, in a new way, the agony of His crucifixion and the inexpressible joy of His resurrection.
Not only that, but also realizing how for Mary His mother, it would have laid down a pattern, a pattern she would have remembered later, during His Passion. She would have remembered the agony and confusion of violence, the sudden wrenching away of the Beloved, and then the joy of having Him return, alive and well. When Jesus said that He would rise again on the third day, Mary His mother would have had a way to perceive the truth of this, what it would be like to move through it.
March 18,
2016
This time, worshiped
and adored Jesus in the rooms, because I can be with Jesus there and it was
intoxicating. My love for Jesus and appreciation of everything He did has
increased in depth and height because of how the Holy Spirit has been showing
Him to me, and so being able to express this love and adoration to Jesus was
close to ecstasy, when I poured my heart out to Him there.
“I love You
this way, I love You incarnate, in person, I love You, You Son of David, born
of Mary, Son of God, Yeshua, Jesus of Nazareth! You are most beautiful to me!
You are the most beautiful this way, as You are, Incarnate, Son of Man! I want
many times to meet with You here in the Holy Spirit, in the room You made, and
love on You, You incarnate Word of God, Yeshua!”
You may any time, any time, Jenny! He cried this out
to me twice, once then and again later, when I was again caught up in an ecstasy of
pouring out adoration to Him.
March 20, 2016
March 20, 2016
Sat crying at
the computer as layers of pride and unbelief were peeled off my heart regarding
Jesus’ Kingdom and my pushing Him out of consideration in many key aspects of
society- because of succumbing to the ideas of this age about modern solutions- those modern solutions, I realized, had little to nothing to do with Jesus or His beautiful Kingdom. In my mind, I realized, it was as though I wasn't thinking Jesus could have actual solutions.
That is a lie and has no truth. The only solution is Jesus Christ Himself. He alone has the authority and the power and the plans and the healing to heal this nation, and society- schools, neighborhoods, societies. It must be Jesus. It must be through His Kingdom. There is no other life and there is no other healing.
That is a lie and has no truth. The only solution is Jesus Christ Himself. He alone has the authority and the power and the plans and the healing to heal this nation, and society- schools, neighborhoods, societies. It must be Jesus. It must be through His Kingdom. There is no other life and there is no other healing.
Before
posting on the 18 of March, I was singing, "O thou that
tellest good tiding to Zion, arise!"
And right in
time for the next word in the song, I inwardly heard what could only have been
angels all joyfully sing, Arise! Their voices were full of light and joy and joyful willingness, even eagerness to sing.
So I sang the
next word, “Arise!”
Again
they sang the next, Arise!
Then I was
too shy to sing like that anymore, even though it had delighted me and I was
grinning. But it was too much to consider, and so I withdrew.
“You didn’t sleep much,” I said to Jesus, reading about how the people came early in the
morning to hear Him.
I rest now, He replied, reminding me how much He
loves to rest with me.
March 22,
2016
Permit even this, Jesus had said, when they came to take Him. And He healed the man’s ear
and did not let them strike more with the sword.
“Peace to the
Body, Lord,” I had prayed with all my heart as I knelt at His feet, holding on
to His ankles. “Peace to the Body.” I meant, that we should remain together in
peace, with humble pure hearts, looking only to Jesus and not breaking apart
into offense or fear. And then I read that verse, because I was at that place
in the Gospel.
Permit even
this, Jesus was saying. Do not take offense! Do not attack. Turn the other cheek. And Jesus will heal. He will restore hearing, so there can be understanding.
March 23,
2016
“Jesus, I
love you,” I confessed.
I know you do, He replied quietly- because I took up
my cross and kept His word, through the grace of His Holy Spirit, my beloved
Paraclete.
It is full of beauty, Jesus had said.
Jenny, I love you, My bright light, He said, when I came to Him in the inner
place.
March 24,
2016
“I want mercy
to triumph over judgement… if that’s okay with You,” I added.
Beloved, it is Me, Jesus replied, showing me the cross.
March 25,
2016
But you listen to Me, Jesus stated.
Because it’s
true! I can’t go on the offense against other brothers and sisters in Christ,
no matter what happens. Besides which, going on
the offense is not what Jesus says to do! Jesus says, to the one who hits you
on one cheek, turn to him the other!
Give him the
other cheek to slap! Who does that?
Jesus does
that. So I do that, through the grace and direction and empowerment of His Holy
Spirit. Because I’m not going to take from others in order to establish or
validate myself. By the grace of God, I
will never do that.
So I was
free! Elated, my faith rose up swiftly, carried up on wings of joy. All that matters is that I am aligned with the
heart and will of Jesus, and that I am willing to suffer for my testimony. That
is all that is necessary, going forward. Nothing matters, so long as I am obeying Jesus and have His approbation.
You are Mine, He declared quietly.
“Yes, yes, I
am,” I agreed.
So this is my new motto:
So this is my new motto:
“But none of
these things move me; neither do I esteem my life dear to myself, if only I may
finish my course with joy and the ministry which I have obtained from [which
was entrusted to me by] the Lord Jesus, faithfully to attest to the good news
(Gospel) of God’s grace (His unmerited favor, spiritual blessing, and mercy).”
-Acts 20:24
March 28,
2016
At the end of
Luke, Jesus Himself stands in the midst of them and says Peace to you, and they
still doubted! It says that they were terrified and supposed that they had seen
a spirit! Jesus was manifestly, in
physical person in front of them, and they still doubted what they were seeing!
Did their
doubt make what they were seeing untrue? Did their doubt disqualify the reality
of their being in the manifest presence of Jesus? Of course not. Their doubt
had nothing to do with the reality of being in the presence of the Son
of Man, Jesus of Nazareth, the resurrected Son of God, the Messiah.
Then later,
in another text, it says that Jesus was with them on the mountain, but that some doubted, and that He was lifted up in their sight and taken into
heaven. How could they doubt in that context? It's similar to when the voice of the Father audibly answered Jesus, and some, hearing this, said it was thunder and some the voice of an angel.
Not all of them could receive what it truly was, even as they were hearing it, even though it was for their sake that the Father spoke audibly. Their hearts were not prepared to receive what their ears were hearing and their eyes seeing.
Last night, realized that the Holy Spirit really has put a seal on my lips, because I went to say something and as I went to say it, it was like coming up against a barrier. I could break if I wished to push through, but it was a pause of warning that made itself known in the moment of need. So with all my heart, I thanked the Holy Spirit and poured out love and gratitude and He said, deeply moved, I love you, precious child.
Not all of them could receive what it truly was, even as they were hearing it, even though it was for their sake that the Father spoke audibly. Their hearts were not prepared to receive what their ears were hearing and their eyes seeing.
Last night, realized that the Holy Spirit really has put a seal on my lips, because I went to say something and as I went to say it, it was like coming up against a barrier. I could break if I wished to push through, but it was a pause of warning that made itself known in the moment of need. So with all my heart, I thanked the Holy Spirit and poured out love and gratitude and He said, deeply moved, I love you, precious child.
March 29,
2016
Cried during
prayer again as I did yesterday. Feel full of something, some intensity of
something. Something creative, some intense potential. I want His Kingdom to
come with signs following. Preach the Kingdom of God and heal the sick, Jesus
told His disciples. How can we preach the Kingdom of God without the power of
it openly demonstrated? It must come with the Holy Spirit and with power to
demonstrate the truth openly to those looking on- to see what the Kingdom of
God means- to see all the dead works and dead ends and death undone by the
breath of Jesus’ mouth, by the splendor of His coming, at the word of His mouth.
But that
can’t be unless we are all one as He and Abba are one, because when we are one,
that's when the world will know that Abba sent Jesus- it's not the signs first, it's the unity. We must have unity to have such
an intense flow of the Holy Spirit through us, which means that we must truly
and really must die to ourselves and take up our cross and honor others as
greater. And who is willing to make that sacrifice? I can hardly manage to do this within my own family! Which is why we must all
see Jesus and be filled with such an insatiable longing for Him, and have such a
heart stopping experience of His holiness, that we fall down on our face and
give our lives to Him without reserve.
March 31,
2016
Your faith has gotten very strong, Jesus said, pleased.
“Has it? How
wonderful for You! You are the author and finisher of my faith,” I told Him.
April 1, 2016
The phrase,
Son of David, has a specific meaning- it means King, Messiah. The blind man was saying, “My King, King of Israel, have mercy on me!”
Yes, Jesus affirmed.
“Jesus, I’m
sorry,” I said in chagrin, as He rested in my arms, when I rested by faith to
receive Jesus as He wished to come, and that was the way, and I hadn’t made
myself available just to rest like that for a long time.
Jenny, you do so well, Jesus replied, something He has been
saying to me often.
April 3, 2016
“I had so
much to learn about You,” I said to Jesus, after reading Acts for the first time in over a decade, and seeing Him there for the first time there.
I’m teaching it to you now, Jesus explained- that is, He didn’t
intend for me to learn those lessons until now.
April 5, 2016
April 5, 2016
Was praying
through the passage from the first chapter of Colossians as usual and read this:
"Even now I rejoice in the midst of my sufferings on your behalf. And in my own person I am making up whatever is still lacking and remains to be completed on our part of Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of His body, which is the church."
-Colossians 1:24
As I was praying, I was thinking about the ways in which that was true for me, as I bear with things in
patience, carrying by grace others with me through forbearance and partnering
with Jesus in His mercy toward them, as He did for me.
I thought about how in what other ways I might be making up some afflictions and the Holy Spirit brought understanding like a breathe of wind, so gentle, across my mind- that I was not able to have physical children, just as Jesus hadn’t- I was making up what was left of His affliction of not having physical offspring, so that He might have spiritual offspring instead- I’m participating in that with Jesus and through Jesus and I accepted this was gratitude.
And again, the Holy Spirit brought my mind back to it, to reiterate and to be sure I grasped this, and as I grasped this deeper, my gratitude and acceptance of this swelled up in a flow of adoration and worship toward Jesus. I reached my hand up and placed it against His heart- because He was standing right beside me, and His heart was surging with love, which flowed like living power, like surging love, down into me, and again I reached out to Him, and I was wrapped up tightly in His arms as He bent over my chair, His head close to mine. Jesus was saying nothing, but I was hearing His heart in a wordless current of His passionate and intense love toward me, because of being with Him and accepting with joy this being with Him in that particular affliction for the sake of His Body.
I thought about how in what other ways I might be making up some afflictions and the Holy Spirit brought understanding like a breathe of wind, so gentle, across my mind- that I was not able to have physical children, just as Jesus hadn’t- I was making up what was left of His affliction of not having physical offspring, so that He might have spiritual offspring instead- I’m participating in that with Jesus and through Jesus and I accepted this was gratitude.
And again, the Holy Spirit brought my mind back to it, to reiterate and to be sure I grasped this, and as I grasped this deeper, my gratitude and acceptance of this swelled up in a flow of adoration and worship toward Jesus. I reached my hand up and placed it against His heart- because He was standing right beside me, and His heart was surging with love, which flowed like living power, like surging love, down into me, and again I reached out to Him, and I was wrapped up tightly in His arms as He bent over my chair, His head close to mine. Jesus was saying nothing, but I was hearing His heart in a wordless current of His passionate and intense love toward me, because of being with Him and accepting with joy this being with Him in that particular affliction for the sake of His Body.
Later that
night:
“And You will
teach me Your word, the great depth of Your word, the whole depth of wisdom and
meaning of it, and I will hear Your own voice speak it! I will hear Your voice.”
Precious, beautiful one, Jesus whispered.
“And then You
will finally show me all Your life…”
Beloved, I will delight to do so.
April 6, 2016
In obedience,
got the phone, saw it was 12:34. Reassured that everything is falling into
place like ducks in a row.
At the garden tomb on the morning of the
third day, Jenny, Jesus
said, but why He said it, I can’t remember anymore, just that I recorded those
words.
April 7, 2016
“I’m getting
tired,” I confessed in a whisper to
Jesus, after a long time of carrying those words, Benediction, by faith toward
the release.
I know, I will carry you, Jesus promised tenderly, with no
judgment whatever.
Honor Me, Jesus said strongly, when I wobbled a
moment or to in doubt about the blog, and so immediately I steadied. To have absolute faith and
trust in Jesus is to honor Him, to honor and give rightful praise to His name-
His person, His reputation.
April 8, 2016
Sent this
blog out on such a powerful move of the Holy Spirit that I thought I was going
to fall backward in my chair, unable to contain it. My belly is still warm.
Remembered the word about angels of revive and how so many times when
I pray and release in Jesus name upon the earth those ministering servants sent
to do His will, that I see this one face full of light looking at me intently
for one moment before sweeping away with the whole movement and I realized that
must be one angel, which is why I keep seeing his face, and it must be the
angel assigned to me to do the Lord’s will. I never tell them what to do, I
have no idea what to do. I just release them upon the earth to do the Lord’s
will.
Been reading
Colossians 1 each time I pray and often end in tears at the profound beauty of
the Living God and His redemption of us. My verse today is:
“Give your
burdens to the Lord, and He will take
care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” Psalm 55:22
Also, when I
logged onto the computer, I kept hearing, “Wouldn’t it be great if even the
picture was a confirmation? Even the picture should be a confirmation…” but I
pushed this aside, because I didn’t want to grasp at confirmation, but walk
forward in the faith that Jesus has already settled me in regarding doing His
will. But when I logged on, I was in awe and also shocked to see that instead
of the constant nature pictures that are sent, due to the fact that I keep
giving them a thumb’s up, there was instead a black background with rings and rings and rings of
red and orange fiery light circling around as a glory tunnel.
Last night, I
was worried again about that last Scripture contained in the blog, and suddenly
was enlightened to remember that the Holy Spirit is responsible for leading and
guiding us into the truth and I was not trusting Him to do His job. Picked up His hand and
kissed it in apology. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please forgive me. Forgive me
my doubt. I never want my doubt to grieve You, I never want to grieve You. You
will tell me if I ever come close…”
I will, He assured me. I snuggled into the arms of the Holy Spirit
and rested my cheek against His and said, “I love You! I count on You all the
time, I owe You everything that I am and all that I do… All that I do is Your
work, all that I have is Yours…”
Because I can
do nothing without Him. Then I went to Jesus, and I rested with Jesus, who also welcomed me with great love
and recognition and I rested on His heart.
“Thank You,
thank You, thank You,” I whispered to Jesus, because my faith has been richly,
richly rewarded this week, as I’ve been carrying the blog. I have seen Him,
adored Him, rested in Him and soaked deeply in Jesus’ spiritually visible and
perceptible presence all week long.
“And no one
will take away your joy!” I had whispered to Jesus fiercely, when I saw Him
after His resurrection, in the house of the Last Supper, when He returned there. I held Jesus in my arms so tightly, clutching up His robe
in my hands and saying over and over again, “And no one will take away your
joy!” And I kissed His forehead where the crown of thorns had been, and His hands where the nails had gone through, and put my hand against His beating heart
and I adored Him and worshiped Him and cherished Him and
loved on Him, which filled Jesus with tender
joy, His face open in love, eyes open in love, resting, receiving this torrent of love with His undefended, humble heart. It is the least of what I can do and I owe Him everything, and yet He receives love and worship as a gift delightful because of the giver.
Returned to
bed, reached out for Jesus. You did Me
proud, He whispered. The wind has risen, I
hear it in the new leaves.
