Haha!
Someone arrived on my blog by searching for: "her flat tire tv films."
Oh my.
I found this new website called Recovering Grace. (I hope the link works.) The first thing I saw was this article on how the teachings of emotional purity cause damage to a person's ability to have a healthy relationship.
Oh my goodness. I wanted to shout out loud as I was reading it. "Yes, yes, yes!" I wanted to shout. The first two points just... I can't even say how deeply they resonated with me.
The first is that the teaching causes shame. Hell, yes, it does. Because you can't ever be pure enough, because you're asked to control your emotions, and who can do that? Even if you never talk to the guy, or hardly look at the guy, still, you think about the guy, right? And that's bad, that's shameful, that's impure.
And you wrestle with your guilt about this at night, trying to guard your heart, trying to deny your God given emotions, trying to shut down your own emotional health in order to "guard your heart," as though your heart were a physical territory, and not the very spring from which your emotions flow out.
And you end up nearly killing your ability to feel and respond. You end up feeling perpetual shame over not being good enough, not being pure enough, because emotional purity is a moving target. You can never, ever get there. Never. You are never pure enough.
Their second point was that this teaches results in pride. Hell yes, it does. What, you may say- Can a person be both ashamed and full of pride? Oh, very easily, let me tell you. It's just like breathing in and out.
The more secretly ashamed of yourself you are in the inside, the more pride you can take over your outward perfection. Oh, I've been there, looking down at girls because they sat next to the boys on the bench in the gym.
Oh, you think I'm joking, but I am deadly serious; I was disdainful of them. I was proud that I was above that sort of thing, proud that I never wore shorts, only culottes, proud that I never cut my hair, proud that I never engaged a boy in conversation, proud, proud, proud of all these meaningless, surface accomplishments.
I could add all these things up, these things that visibly demonstrated my purity, and I could feel better about myself by seeing how many people couldn't reach my level. When other people experienced emotional upheaval, I looked down at them. I thought, "That is what you get by playing with fire, that is what you get when you compromise."
I had no mercy, not for other people, and least of all for myself. Oh my lord, I was so unlovable. Thank God Jesus had mercy on me, thank God He loved me even when I couldn't love myself, or even Him.
It was such a massive, massive key to understanding life when I realized that the way I judged myself was the way I judged other people, and unless I could forgive myself, I would continue to be hard hearted and secretly satisfied when other people stumbled and fell, in the same way that I rubbed my own failures in my face- "See! See, you stupid girl! This is what you get for failing! For giving up! For rebelling!"
Phew.
I remember seeing the extent of my pride once. It was really random. I was standing in the driveway, on the way to the car to go somewhere with my family. All of a sudden, I realized how stiff with pride I was.
It was as though I was completely caged within it, like an internal suit of armor that had rusted into place. I was dense with it, like rotten fruit cake.
It terrified me. I knew pride was a sin, and here I was, just dominated by it, almost defined by it, as though it were a stiff necked pride that held me up instead of an actual skeleton.
I begged God to take it away.
It's fascinating, it's breathtaking, the way Christ works in our lives. It boggles my human mind.
The article goes on to conclude that the teaching decieves us into thinking we are "safe."
"1 + 1= 2. Emotional purity + Biblical courtship = Godly marriage. But life doesn’t work that way. You can do everything “right” and your life can still go wrong. You can do everything “wrong” and still be blessed. Rain falls on the good and evil. Time and chance happen to them all. People who follow the courtship formula still get divorced. Or stuck in terrible marriages. Courtship is not the assurance of a good marriage. Life is too complicated for that. Love involves vulnerability. When you choose to love, you are choosing to accept risking a broken heart. No formula can protect you. Life involves risk. Following God involves risk. He is not a “safe” God. But He is good.
I don’t think God likes formulas, because formulas run contrary to faith. Formula says, “I will follow a God that I’ve put neatly in a box, and He will give me the desired results.” Faith says, “I will follow You even when I can’t see where I’m going, even when the world is collapsing around me.” Formula says, “I will not risk. I will be in control of my future.” Faith says “I will risk everything. I will trust Him whom I cannot see, surrender what I cannot control anyway.” Formula is the assurance of things planned for, the conviction of things seen. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). But we are afraid. So we control instead of trust. We don’t take a step unless we can see where we’re going. We build neat little formulas and say “THIS will keep me safe!” Then we blame God when our puny formulas fail."
Oh my goodness. So true.
Anyway, I had a whole other blog planned, but I just had to get that off my chest. Maybe I'll post the other blog tomorrow, when I send off my query letter.
Gulp.
